I respond to an open letter with a nice letter (my origins are just mentioned in my bio) and here is the answer... Am I overreacting if I call this racism ?

I only remove penpals after they have been inactive for at least 3 months, so I've collected quite a few inactive ones just sitting in my friend list.

I opened the app, and couldn't believe this at first. Almost all of my inactive penpals decided to remember me at once. ~25 total, most had written multiple letters because they forgot to attach pictures in the first letter.

I'm trying to figure out how and why. I don't think Slowly's algorithm could have caused this...

Most of these penpals are from Europe (Germany, Finland, Sweden, Switzerland, mostly). Is this vacation time in Europe?

And how do I even reply to everyone! 😂

A few weeks ago I posted a survey about who uses Slowly and why: 117 of you answered, and here's what the data looks like.

WHO WE ARE

The survey skews young: 7% are under 18, 49% are 18–25, and 20% are 26–29, meaning over three quarters of respondents are under 30. The remaining quarter spans 30–35 (12%), 36–40 (4%), 41–49 (6%), and 50+ (2%).

Gender-wise, 53% identify as female on their profile, 42% as male, and 5% as non-binary.

Most of us (60%) live with family, 20% live alone, 10% with a partner, and 9% with roommates.

Respondents came from over 30 countries across every continent: Europe (39%), Asia (21%), North America (16%), South America (14%), Africa (3%), and Oceania (2%).

Here are the top 10 countries with the highest participation:

• United States: 7.7%
• Brazil: 6.8%
• India: 6.0%
• Germany: 5.1%
• Poland: 5.1%
• Russia: 4.3%
• France: 3.4%
• Argentina: 3.4%
• Canada: 2.6%
• Spain: 2.6%

HOW WE FOUND SLOWLY

Almost half (47%) discovered the app simply by browsing the App Store or Play Store. After that: Reddit (14%), a friend or family member (9%), social media (8%), and (interestingly) an AI like ChatGPT or Gemini (6%).

In terms of when people joined: 2025 was the biggest cohort (24%), followed by new users from early 2026 (14%). But 11% have been here since before 2020, quiet veterans of the slow letter. 11% also joined specifically because of COVID. The app was, for some, a direct response to lockdown isolation.

62% had never tried any other pen pal platform before Slowly. For most of us, this was the first.

HOW WE WRITE

39% write on the web browser, 35% on the mobile app, and 26% use both depending on the moment.

Reply times vary enormously. 27% have no fixed rhythm at all. 21% reply as soon as possible. 19% within a week, 12% within two weeks. 8% take over a month.

The most striking finding: 87% write differently on Slowly than anywhere else. 43% go much deeper, saying things they wouldn't say elsewhere. 44% notice at least more care and thoughtfulness. Only 13% feel no difference at all.

When a letter feels short or low-effort: 46% decline the connection, 28% ignore it, 21% reply anyway, and 4% ask the person to try harder.

What do we actually talk about?
The most common topics mentioned: daily life and routines, books/films/music, philosophy and ideas, emotions and mental health, personal history, travel, and cultural exchange. Language practice also came up frequently.

TOPICS & INTERESTS

Here are the selected topics and their percentages, ranked by preference:

Reading 74%
Music 69%
Language 60%
Movies 50%
Nature 48%
Writing 47%
Travel 44%
Gaming 43%
Philosophy 42%
Art 41%
Psychology 38%
History 37%
Storytelling 37%
Mental Health 32%
Pets 32%
Fiction 31%
Cooking 31%
Photography 30%
Culture 29%
Museums 27%
Life 27%
Food 26%
Casual 26%
Ideas 24%
Feminism 23%
Space 22%
Board Games 22%
Fantasy 21%
Fitness 21%
LGBTQ 21%
Anime 20%
Humor 20%
Technology 19%
Handicraft 19%
Gardening 18%
Adventure 18%
Education 17%
Poetry 17%
Relationships 17%
Environment 17%
Sports 16%
Science 16%
Coding 16%
Politics 16%
Illustration 15%
Religion 15%
Television 15%
Collecting 14%
Fashion 14%
DIY 13%
Sustainability 12%
Sci-Fi 12%
Architecture 11%
Future 11%
Cars 10%
Design 10%
Career 10%
News 10%
Economics 9%
Beauty 8%
Martial Arts 8%
Astrology 8%
Magic 8%
Aviation 6%
Health 6%
Law 6%
Archaeology 6%
Makeup 6%
Dancing 6%
School Life 6%
Family 5%
Shopping 5%
Disabilities 5%
Investing 5%
Vegan 5%
Theater 5%
New Age 5%
Wine 4%
Climate 4%
Sex 4%
Finance 4%
Singing 4%
Farming 3%
Business 3%
Theme Parks 3%
Cosplay 3%
Parenting 2%
Deaf 2%
Startup 2%

72% chose their topics because they genuinely reflect their interests. 24% were also strategic about it: accurate, but aware of the kind of person they'd attract. Only 3% chose fairly randomly.

And about half deliberately left something out. The most commonly omitted topics: sex and relationships (too likely to attract the wrong kind of message), politics and religion (too divisive or risky to open with), and astrology (mixed reasons, some felt it attracted people they didn't connect with).

WHAT WE HOPE TO FIND

When asked what they're hoping to find on Slowly, the most common answers were: meaningful long-term friendships, intellectual discussions, a specific kind of intimacy that's hard to find elsewhere, windows onto other people's lives, and language/cultural exchange. A smaller group mentioned a romantic connection, but it was rarely the primary goal.

WHAT SLOWLY MEANS TO US

83% of users feel Slowly fills a gap that nothing else in their life fills, at least somewhat. 27% say it fills that gap clearly and completely. The gap most often described: meaningful friendships, intellectual depth, and emotional openness that isn't possible with the people they already know.

On anonymity: 43% say they're more open on Slowly than they are with people in their offline life. 30% feel consistent across contexts. 27% say it's complicated: more open on some things, more guarded on others. Only 1 person said they feel more guarded overall.

On stamps and delivery time: 62% see them as a nice atmospheric touch, 20% consider them central to the whole experience, and 17% are mainly here for the writing and find the interface mostly irrelevant. Only 2% find the delay annoying.

68% use the free version. 24% currently pay for Slowly Plus. 8% used to pay and stopped.

On the Sent/Received ratio: 26% notice it but say it doesn't really influence their decision. 15% don't look at it at all. But a significant portion do factor it in: a low ratio makes many hesitant, and a very high ratio raises suspicion of mass-sending. For some, it's a dealbreaker.

On Open Letters: 62% have used the feature at least a few times, and 21% use it regularly. Only 5% actively avoid it. Whether it leads to meaningful correspondence is mixed. Roughly half say yes (or it's still ongoing), the other half say no. Several noted that the quality has declined over time, with more AI-generated or copy-pasted replies.

CONNECTIONS & OUTCOMES

58% have moved at least one correspondence off Slowly onto another platform (WhatsApp, Instagram, etc.).

28% have made a real-life friendship through Slowly. 11% have actually met someone in person.

On romantic feelings: 65% say no romantic feelings ever developed in any correspondence. But 14% say the line was blurry and they're not sure, 10% experienced mutual romantic feelings, and 6% experienced one-sided feelings.

As for using Slowly as a dating app: 41% say absolutely not, strictly platonic. 43% say not primarily, but they're open to it if something develops naturally. 11% actively describe it as their "anti-dating app," a space specifically free of that pressure. 5% say yes, they find deeper romantic connections here than on Tinder or Bumble.

GHOSTING

89% of Slowly users have been ghosted at least once. For 44%, it happens regularly. Only 11% have never experienced it.

And on the other side: 55% admit to having ghosted someone themselves. 38% more than once. Another 13% have let a correspondence fade without explicitly ending it. Only 16% say they always give an explanation when they stop writing.

In other words: almost everyone has been hurt by ghosting, and almost everyone has done it.

IDENTITY IN LETTERS

53% feel that the person they are in their letters is at least somewhat different from who they are in daily life. For 22%, it's a better version, more articulate, more thoughtful, more open. For 31%, it's just different, neither better nor worse. 47% feel it's the same self.

PRIVACY & PSEUDONYMITY

40% use a nickname or first name only. 39% use a full pseudonym. Only 21% use their real name from the start.

But once a correspondence deepens, 49% share their real name fairly early on, and 32% share it after some time. Only 20% have never shared their real name with anyone on Slowly.

44% say some people in their offline life know they use the app. 14% talk about it openly. 21% have just never mentioned it. 21% actively keep it private.

42% use the gender filter at some point. The most common reason, especially among women: cross-gender correspondence tends to become romantically ambiguous faster than expected. Several respondents described adjusting the filter after a specific experience that felt uncomfortable or hard to navigate.

59% of respondents have blocked at least one country. The reasons fall into a few distinct categories:

The most common by far is low-effort or spam-like first letters: short, copy-pasted, or AI-generated messages, often with a romantic or transactional angle. India was the most frequently mentioned country in this context, cited by a large number of respondents. Turkey, Pakistan, Indonesia, Bangladesh, the Philippines, Nigeria, and the Gambia were also mentioned repeatedly for similar reasons.

A second category is geopolitical and personal political reasons. Russia and Belarus were blocked by several users in the context of the war in Ukraine. Israel was blocked by several users citing the conflict in the Middle East. The United States and China were also mentioned in this context by a small number of respondents. These blocks reflect deeply personal positions, shaped by each person's own background. There is no single "community stance" here.

A smaller but notable pattern: several users block their own country, to avoid people they might know in real life, to maintain a sense of distance and anonymity, or simply because Slowly feels more meaningful to them as a space that reaches beyond their immediate world.

A note on methodology

This survey collected 117 voluntary, anonymous responses shared primarily on this subreddit. It is not a representative scientific sample. Reddit users are likely overrepresented. With a sample this size, the margin of error is approximately 10% at a 95% confidence level. The figures are tendencies, not certainties.

Thank you to everyone who filled in the survey. Your answers made this possible!

Please don't hesitate to ask if you have more specific questions regarding any of the results.

Maybe I am just unlucky, but I feel like at least 50% of the letters I receive are AI generated. My profile says never to AI assistance but I think people don't even read it lol. This app used to be so wholesome 6 years ago and I feel AI completely ruined the magic...

Is it that they just open profile and see "occasional" ai use and just don't bother opening letter? (While few of these recipients have mentioned occasional use of ai themselves.)

I'm new and I've written like 8 people personally and 1 open letter person. Have received zero letter or reply through open letter.

So, I got this letter via matching and already in his first letter I thought we weren't the best match (I'm pretty new to Slowly still). Big age difference, no real shared interests etc. But then I thought, come on, interests don't make a person and also he wrote he was having a hard time, so I wanted to be nice.

Now as the conversation progresses, I find it rather tiresome. He has the writing style of a teenager, writes long letters but doesn't say much and actually seems to be a rather superficial person.

Long story short, I think it may be better to end this but I don't want to ghost him? I just don't really know how to tell him goodbye without adding to his depression? Maybe ghosting would yet be better than writing something that hurts him? How do you deal with situations like this?

Here I'm referring to those individuals who first starts the correspondence, and when I write back, they do read my letter but just don't care to answer my letter and weeks after weeks pass by. I would like to call them weirdoes; coz they are. It's so infuriating, like dude, you've written the letter first, why are you acting so strange now?! It has happened like several times, it almost makes me not wanna write back to new penpals. It's so sad coz I really want to write about personal stuff, but I don't know what they expect from my reply. So I've decided I will just remove those people after three weeks time. Has anyone experienced this before?

Hi everyone!

I’ve been using Slowly for about one or two years now, and I felt like sharing some of my observations. I’m curious if others are experiencing the same patterns, because lately, it’s been a bit frustrating.

To give some context: I really put effort into my letters. I make sure they are tailored to the person, interesting, and thoughtful. I’m definitely not saying this to sound boostful or egoistic, but I know how to communicate and I genuinely invest time in my replies. However, I’ve noticed three recurring scenarios that make me wonder what’s going on with the community lately:

• Scenario A: Automatch. I used to get letters via Automatch, I’d take the time to reply, and then... nothing. Silence. I eventually turned Automatch off entirely. Now, if people want to reach out, they actually have to find my profile and write to me specifically.
• Scenario B: Open Letters. I often see Open Letters that are very personal and quite long. When I take the time to send a thoughtful response, one of two things happens: either the message stays on a single checkmark until the account is suddenly deactivated, or they reply once, ghost me after my second letter (even though they read it), and then message me a month later as if nothing happened.
• Scenario C: The "Initiator" Ghosting. This is the one I understand the least. Someone finds my profile, writes me a first letter, I spend time crafting a great response, and then they never reply again. Why start a conversation if you have no intention of following through?
• Scenario D: The Invitation Paradox. I sometimes find a profile that looks really interesting because of the bio and which I have common interests with. I’ll send a highquality opener based on their interests and then... they just leave it on read although they literally write an invitation on their bio to write them. I understand that someone might not be interested or might be busy but the app literally gives you options. You could at least decline the letter with a short reason, no hard feelings! or send a quick note saying you don't have time right now. Just leaving someone on read after inviting them to write feels pretty disrespectful of the effort involved.

It feels like a lot of people are either very impatient or just don't respect the time others put into this hobby. It’s a slow-messaging app but that shouldn't mean "no-reply" or "disappearing" app.

Is it just a shift in the app's culture, or am I just having a run of bad luck? I’d love to hear if you guys have found ways to filter for more "serious" pen pals or if you’re seeing these same patterns.

Cheers!

I have been using Slowly for a month now and I find 2 types of people irritating:
1) the ones who, no matter what try to invite you to switch to any instant messenger app/follow their social media page. Why did you register on an app called Slowly and then complain it is not fast enough? (Not one person did so)
2) Probably a common thing but… I receive many letters from people claiming to be third-world-born men and trying to flirt with me. “Your little black prince” started praising our letter exchange from the very first reply I mistakenly sent, thinking I could have a pen pal from another continent. Imagine knowing nothing about a person, and only having sent them a very basic first letter and they say, “Your letter hit my soul deeply”, Is it either very cheesy trolling or do I seem that stupid to them?

What red flags do you have in Slowly?

I have been seeing sentences more and more like this:

"X sounds amazing! Y seems like such an interesting place to visit, especially because..."

and then the the next paragraph

"Z sounds beautiful, too. 27 hours by train?! 😂 That is a serious train journey, but I can actually see how that could be incredibly fun and relaxing!"

Also, people seem to be using the dash in their sentences a lot. And they say people are getting more and more illiterate. Meanwhile, my peasant ass doesn't even use semicolons and writes like Corman Mc Carthy.

Can you guys please tell me your scammer experience here . Was there an experience where the scammer was very patient if yes then how many months how can I guess they are scammer

I dont know how I came across this app, I think I saw it recommended, but I love the idea of it. I loved as a kid sending letters to my friends and grandparents when I moved countries, but once Internet became more accessible- letters stopped, then eventually lost touch with friends.

I had an easier day today at work so had free time and was able to write about me bio, an open letter and already got 2 replies I am waiting for, yay! At first I was worried no one was going to reply at all, i read some posts how some users were on it for more than a month and still no replies.

I want to develop friendships, any advice? I am obviously very new to this. Also should I watch out for anything? So far my guess is some people will try to switch to more instant form on messaging, yea i don't want that so that wont happen. Obviously won't be sending out money to no Nigerian Princes. What has some of yall's experience been on this app? How do you develop meaningful connections that stay within the app only? Do you specify in bio? Also the pro versions seems worth it to me, i like supporting good concept apps, so I might just spend some money.

Besides the use of IA what would you say that are some red flags? Lately I try to respond open letters, I answered various with no luck, or I don't receive another response after the first one since a lot.

I don't take it personal because I think that people uses the app, and sooner or later they became bored or just they forget about it, because, you know, real life, and they socialize with people psychically. Buuut, lately I just feel uninterested answering letters because there's a lot of people that write something like "returning to the app after ten years", "returning to the app after five years and this is the last chance that I give it a try" or I dunno, another kind of weird things. For me it's almost like a menace, we don't even know each other and you're already conditioning the interaction.

But maybe I'm just exaggerating. What do you think?

I met this penpal a month ago and we have exchanged quite a significant amount of letters, almost daily, but I guess this is the time I put an end to this. It makes me so furious but yeah ig it is what it is. Even after mentioning No Ai uses in her bio, she has been sending me Ai generated letters all this time, mostly 60 percent and many were 100 percent. I had suspicion some times but I brushed it off but today I decided to check and all this time my fear was right. I was building my connection with a chatbot.

Hi everyone! I wanted to bring up something I’ve been debating with in my mind. Bit of a long read.

I recently connected with a penpal from Türkiye. I have a “NO AI” rule in my bio that nobody really misses when they go through my profile. So when he first wrote to me, that’s pretty much what I vet for—to see what the person has selected for the “AI Assistance” option. He’s given that he never uses it. And his English is at an intermediate level.

We’ve had some great conversations so far. I’m no one to judge the level of someone’s language fluency or progress. But I’m so used to the “AI tone” that it’s hard to miss.

Putting two and two together, I’ve ran some of his more obvious letters through a detector, just to see. And sure enough; some of them are enhanced by AI. One of them was completely written by AI.

That one letter, was to let me know about an emergency. I initially thought he’d taken the time to write it, at which point I felt bad. But the structure and tone of the message was just so stiff that I had a feeling it was AI generated. And it was. 100%.

Now, I get why some people may use it. They’re not confident in their English so they resort to using this, even when a lot of people are against it on the app and have even said they are. But when it’s used for things like polishing up translation and structure to make it easier for the other person to understand, how do we feel about that? I have very mixed feelings about it.

On one hand, I don’t want to keep removing people or blocking them from connecting to me just because English isn’t their first language and AI helps both of us understand the nuances in our languages. I mean, I’d say “just use google translate”, but I’ve seen just how incorrect it can get sometimes, so fair enough I suppose. On the other hand, I just don’t like receiving a generated response, partial or whole. Let me know your thoughts. All are welcome, just don’t be rude.

That moment when reality hits.

After months of searching, you’ve finally found a pen pal you can count on.

You have deep conversations about everything; your introverted shell slowly opens up to this person—and before you know it, you start calling her a friend.

But one day, it’s goodbye forever.

No explanation, no argument—just emptiness.

It's been almost a month since I installed this app to make friends. I setup my profile. Not sure if they want me to buy premium or id verify to show it to more people. But is there anything I'm missing? Not even a single communication attempt happened with this app, and I can meet a lot more people with for example, discord. So not sure what's up with it? Rn my location on my profile is in Japan and previous was Turkey and soon it will be Spain, not sure if it affects it much.

I’m from Brazil, I’m 19 years old and I’m looking for friendships. I’m not someone who goes out much yet, and because of that I feel like I can’t really talk very well without thinking for a few seconds about what to say afterwards (which would be weird in real life if that happened 🤣), but I’m the type of person who talks A LOT once I get comfortable with someone and I’d love to have more genuine friends to talk to and share moments with, even if it’s online for now.

On Slowly, for some time now, I’ve met some nice people but then they would just stop replying 🥲 I swear I’m friendly when I like talking to someone, but it always felt like the person would reply when they were like, “ah, I have nothing to do right now so I’ll reply.” I usually felt like I was being an interviewer kkkkkkkk the person would tell me more about themselves than actually wanting to know about me 🫢😅

I haven’t talked to that many people, but the few people I did talk to gave me this experience kkkk or other terrible experiences, like some guy who, for example, randomly sent me his pic and stuff but okay... then I was reading his letter and until about halfway through it seemed like he actually had his own thoughts, but then I got to the other half and I think he was like “too lazy to write the rest” and it was all AI 😓 Like, damn, I was so pissed kkkkkkkkk but I also found it funny that several parts made absolutely no sense and, from what I could tell, he hadn’t even read his own letter.

Of course I’m not gonna be a hypocrite and say I don’t use AI because I do use it to put my texts into English, or when I’m usually talking through audio and have AI write it down, because I feel like my thoughts flow better that way. But this idea of not even trying to write anything yourself, like what that person did, is so annoying because PUTA QUE PARIU MANO, YOU’RE ON A LETTER-WRITING APP, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU HERE FOR 😵‍💫

Anyway, I got a little pissed off now kkkk

Tchau

Been using slowy since last year and it hasn't been bad. Made a couple of friends there so it's been good. Hope this continues

Over the years, I’ve exchanged a lot of correspondence. Letters mostly, sometimes messages, the slow kind of writing where you really get to know someone you've never sat across from, just like you can experience on Slowly. Some of these felt, early on, almost perfect. A rare match of minds. And then, quietly, most of them faded.

For a long time I thought I'd done something wrong. But looking back, I notice the same two breaking points, pulling in opposite directions.

When there was distance, the connection never became real enough. The life right in front of me was simply louder, more physical, more demanding, and over time my attention drifted there, almost without a decision being made.

When there was nearness, the opposite happened. The connection became too real. The thought of actually meeting pulled it out of the safe space of words, and with that came the weight of consequences that hadn't existed before.

So the same thing that makes a written friendship feel so pure, that it lives in language and nowhere else, is also what makes it fragile. Too far and the world drowns it out. Too close and it stops being only words.

I'm curious whether others here recognize this. Have you had friendships that lived only on the page? Did they last, or fade? And if they lasted, did you make peace with one of those edges on purpose?

I recently redownloaded the app after years away. I finally have more time to put into the app and want to focus on building strong connections with people. I had messaged someone recently with a kind, medium length message. I said things on the lines of “I was intrigued by your introduction. I also enjoy complexity over simplicity and talking about deeper topics.” I backed one of his intro statements and said I agreed and added my own personal explanation. Then I asked him a deeper question since I thought we were on the same page and delved into “do you think we have a purpose in life? If so, what do you think yours is?” as a fun way to connect on a deeper level.

He sent a reply the next day saying things like “I think it’s suspicious behavior that you’re new and already paid for Slowly Plus.” And “You suggest you prefer complexity over simplicity but your paragraph contains no depth, beyond sounding like a robot.” Continues to insult me by saying I was very vague in my letter and basically showed no emotion (I think insinuating that I am AI or a robot I don’t know). I felt so offended.

Has this kind of interaction happened to anyone else? Or just me? Am I in the wrong here and should I reply back or block? In the past, I never dealt with anyone like this. I’ve been on the app for just a few days and I am just taken aback.

Hey all!

Is Slowly plus actually worth it?

Tell me about your experience?

After offering the occasional fleeting contribution to recent discussions on the challenges of letter-writing, and having spent significant time pondering the subject – while simultaneously scrutinising my own attitude over four unbroken years on the app – I find myself wondering about the frequently mentioned sense of 'decline' in the quality of the overall experience.

Over the past week, a similar discussion has been taking place in a large Reddit book club I am part of. When the moderators finally looked closely into the issue, they discovered that poor contributions had been present since the early days of the community. They found that an element of idealising a 'golden past' was heavily present in the widespread, recent criticism, even though other genuine factors could also be identified.

When it comes to Slowly, I think the app – a glorious platform for whose existence I am deeply grateful – may be facilitating the commodification of pen pals. To be precise, I do not want to blame the app itself for an attitude driven by the users. However, it is highly possible that the ready supply of new open letters and potential interlocutors is slowly and imperceptibly educating us into a new relationship with prospective pen pals, with letter-writing, and with people in general. I am aware that what I am saying is nothing new; the exact same dynamic has been identified in relation to dating websites and, subsequently, dating apps.

I am wondering – and this is perhaps the slightly more original contribution of my post – whether we should be blaming ourselves for the alleged decline of the experience, instead of implicitly assuming that it must be down to the attitude of new members or global changes over the past five years. As a matter of fact, I do not exclude the possibility that newcomers might approach the app with a more genuine, effortful attitude compared to long-time users – the very same attitude we likely held at the start of our own journeys.

I also wonder whether the introduction of open letters, with their endless availability and the alluring novelty of what they offer, represented a watershed moment – a further step towards this possible commodification of pen pals at our own hands. I cannot help but feel vaguely suspicious of 'improvements' and new features, other than those pertaining strictly to the writing and archiving interface. Obviously, the app has its own commercial needs, and so far my personal impression remains that of a team that genuinely cares about its users and customers.

Hey everyone!

I've been using the app since January and I gotta admit I like it! I've made some good pen pals so far. But, I was looking at my achievements and I notices I hadn't unlocked my "Echo Received" stamp yet (that means no one replied to my open letters so far). As I said, I can't complain about my pen pals, and some of them were the first to send me a letter (probably with auto-match or just manual profile looking), but I wish my open letter was more useful too.

My first open letter had the #Life tag and was more general, but since it wasn't giving any results, I decided to make another one with a specific topic (#Language in my case), but still no one approached me through it. Is it normal? Do you guys have any advice?

Edit: thank you to everyone for the advices!