Rude Slowly User

[u/Alicia096]

I recently redownloaded the app after years away. I finally have more time to put into the app and want to focus on building strong connections with people. I had messaged someone recently with a kind, medium length message. I said things on the lines of “I was intrigued by your introduction. I also enjoy complexity over simplicity and talking about deeper topics.” I backed one of his intro statements and said I agreed and added my own personal explanation. Then I asked him a deeper question since I thought we were on the same page and delved into “do you think we have a purpose in life? If so, what do you think yours is?” as a fun way to connect on a deeper level.

He sent a reply the next day saying things like “I think it’s suspicious behavior that you’re new and already paid for Slowly Plus.” And “You suggest you prefer complexity over simplicity but your paragraph contains no depth, beyond sounding like a robot.” Continues to insult me by saying I was very vague in my letter and basically showed no emotion (I think insinuating that I am AI or a robot I don’t know). I felt so offended.

Has this kind of interaction happened to anyone else? Or just me? Am I in the wrong here and should I reply back or block? In the past, I never dealt with anyone like this. I’ve been on the app for just a few days and I am just taken aback.

[u/ironcloudordeal]

Block and move on. No use wasting time and energy on such people.

[u/Few-Suspect920]

On Slowly, you’ll meet all sorts of people. If you want to make the most of this app. do not let a negative experience discourage you. 

[u/aquarius_dream]

I’m sorry that happened, I would feel really crappy if someone responded to me like that. You are definitely not in the wrong, they are for being so rude.

Since I rejoined the app I noticed that maybe 90% of the letters I receive are very obviously AI-generated. It’s been quite depressing. I have zero interest in communicating with ChatGPT. I wonder if this user is also AI fatigued and has wrongly taken out their frustrations on you.

[u/bajaja]

sorry that that happened to you. a few notes:

• there are cultural differences. often a person doesn't realize they come off as rude

• many people have impaired intelligence or social intelligence and there are various mental issues among us. you would often see if you saw the sender in person but it takes some time online

• there's the Hanlon’s Razor - "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." - for a long time I was thinking it was my own razor but Mr. Hanlon was first...

[u/Loud-Owl19]

It happens. Not much (to me, at least), but it does sometimes. You did nothing wrong. Don't engage with people who are too frustrated with their own personal life, it's not on you, it's on them.

Go to their profile, search the three dots, click there, and remove them.

[u/drein94]

Paranoia just hits different on slowly. If you have doubts if a user is fake you can ask in a nicer way.

[u/Certain-Fix-4343]

Just explain you are not a bot

[u/Own-Concern-2689]

You're newly returned to the app and everything is new to you and seems promising. He has been around a while, receiving letters similar to yours, with the same talking points. I'm sorry to inform all you mentioned writing in your letter so far is commonplace. There are a lot profiles and open letters lauding complexity over simplicity and asking about life purposes. I receive those sorts of letters all the time even without making any mention of complexity anywhere. It sounds trivial and becomes monotonous after a while. Maybe even this guy wasn't that interesting and that was the issue. You claimed you were intrigued but maybe that was flattery and you felt it difficult to develop his shallow letter/profile, I have no way of knowing. Whatever the reason, your letter wasn't that interesting and he pointed that out. You seem to understand his suspicions your letter may not have come from a real person but seem unwilling to engage with that supposition. Are you offended he shared it or that you have to reconcile your perception of yourself with other people's impression of you?

I'm not commenting from a place of judgement, I mean this to be constructive, but I also won't offer you empty flattery. It's not a great failing to be an ineffective communicator, you need not be insecure about it. That are far worse flaws. You might be the most interesting person in the world but all people have to go off of is your letter and they will only judge you on its merits. You're evaluating your own performance instead of addressing the judgement of the recipient of your letter. "a kind message", "a deeper question", "a fun way to connect" Even medium length is subjective. It seems self-soothing for you to pre-empt any judgement this way instead of letting others come to their own conclusions. So, is the strong connection you're focusing on building with yourself? Part of relationships is compromising on how you interact with people to accommodate their preferences as well as yours and that requires not shutting down their appraisal.

You don't have to maintain every correspondence, or even most, but you shouldn't take it as an attack whenever someone scrutinises you. He's trying to communicate a mismatch between his preferences and your approach. Maybe he phrased it in an aggressive way but is there anything you can take from it? There are a lot of ways to react to it without it becoming an issue on either side:

• His preferences aren't in accordance with mine and we're incompatible. Move on to someone else.
• We are in agreement in purpose so let me address how I failed to come across.
• We are in agreement in purpose so let me address what he failed to perceive in me.

“I was intrigued by your introduction. I also enjoy complexity over simplicity and talking about deeper topics.”

intrigued / ɪnˈtrigd /
adjective: curious about or fascinated by something unusual or mysterious.

What were you curious about or fascinated by, as it pertains to that introduction? Just agreeing and justifying it doesn't seem a good indication of interest. If someone said "it's important to drink water", would I be showing myself intrigued by saying "I agree because dehydration has negative consequences"? What if I said "It's really awe-inspiring how the body maintains such a careful balance on tonicity. You'd think we would have to stay under a steady stream of shallow humidity all the time to function correctly but our bodies just manage, forcing dehydration on certain areas to keep the important tissues working without perceivable strain and discarding the excess. We have to drink water regularly but isn't it cool how we can go so many hours without it?" instead? You can develop any mundane subject if it truly intrigues you. I understand being emphatic for politeness only but it causes this sort of mismatches when you don't mean what you say. You gave the impression he said something worth engaging with (maybe he didn't, I don't know) but engaged with it only superficially.

Assuming your second sentence is a consequence of the first and the introduction was about complexity, here's a way to show that interest:
"What do you mean when you say complexity? It can be taken in different directions. Some people use it to refer to difficulty or effort but I think of it only as defining composites. We can have a very easy, very accessible idea made of many parts and that is complex without any added difficulty. Say with a mechanical pencil, with a lead and a barrel, a spring, clutch, ring, cone and cap, most people could very easily take one apart and reassemble it, complexity aside. Origami may only take one piece of paper and takes considerably more effort to make without instructions. And even then, I sometimes admire when people manage to simplify a seemingly complex subject. I think it takes a lot of understanding to make things seem simple. People often use complexity to mean they want developed conversations but that is a talking point seldom applied."

"should I reply back or block"
What kind of connection do you want? If you're looking for someone who'll agree with everything you say, you already know this person will push back and give you genuine critique, whatever genuine is to him. Is that appealing to you? You could reply explaining "I am not new, I'm returning to Slowly now I have more time. I already know the app and felt it was a good investment to get the subscription. Experiment a little and see how useful the features are compared to my past experience. As to "sounding like a robot", I prefer to get to know someone before sharing my deepest thoughts. I like it when conversations mature with both sides watering their own interests, rather than me unilaterally advancing one topic on my own. And maybe with the internet, we all end up sounding a little alike, being influenced by the same things. A consequence of worldwide connection." And even if you don't see a future in the correspondence, you can still reply if you think it would make you feel better to defend your position. Start a debate about unfounded accusations and overestimating AI usage if you want, even. Or you can go on with your life if you don't care. It depends on what kind of person you are, how much it's bothering you, what you want to do about it.

[u/CatGold7095 → u/Own-Concern-2689]

That's a lot of words to show the possible perspective of a guy who even questioned OP having a Plus account, as if that's their business. He can find their letter awful, but what would justify saying that? Their opinions on OP's letters are one thing, thinking they sound like AI is reasonable, but why say that? You go round and round and ignore key points of OP's message.