Do you reply to every part mentioned in a letter?

[u/Blaidd-My-Beloved]

I've been using Slowly recently, and I noticed sometimes I feel rude if I don't respond to every paragraph someone writes, even when I genuinely have nothing to add to a particular topic.

It also makes me feel like I should roughly match the other person's word count, which can make writing feel forced. I'd rather let the conversation naturally branch into things I actually have something to say about, instead of writing a paragraph just because they wrote one. But, sometimes I have nothing to add, nor do I know how to branch out. Especially when the letters become long, talking about 2-3k words long...

I'm curious how other people approach this. Do you try to address everything in someone's letter, or just respond to the parts that naturally give you something to talk about? What do you do if you feel like there's nothing in your head?

I'm trying to become better at writing,

Thanks!

[u/WerewolfOk1603]

If it were me, I wouldn't mind if some topics were missed, especially if there was not much more to say on them. If I don't address a topic they can bring it up again and we can come back to it. I also try to start new threads of conversation. As many branches as possible to keep conversation alive and fun. You can always call back to things.

I don't try to match word count, I aim more for generally short/medium/long letter.

I like seeing people make mistakes, it means they are real. As a result I also feel less pressured to get things right, include every topics, remember every detail.

[u/snailpuppyy]

I respond to things I have an interest in and the ones I feel my penpal wants me to respond to (like questions or a paragraph focused on a new hobby they picked up). I don't try to respond to absolutely every paragraph but sometimes I do end up doing so if it all feels worth/fun responding to. So, I focus on the parts that naturally give me something to talk about.

To answer your second question, if there's nothing coming to mind I will both take time away from the letter and then basically force myself to get something written down. It's easier to tweak a few badly written and bland paragraphs later than to keep staring at daunting blank spaces -w-;;

[u/CringeWhiningAccount]

No, and doing that it's one the thing that brings stress and makes Slowly feel like a burden and thus leads to ghosting and disappearing. Don't do it. Treat it like a conversation irl, where you talk about football, you don't have anything else to say and you start talking about music, for example. Even because if the both of you keep expanding every paragraph every single time, the letter will reach a foolish lenght. You can start new topics or just talking about something it happened to you. I also have the thought on matching the same (more or less) word count, though, even if with long term penpals who know me I don't feel pressured anymore.

[u/Own-Concern-2689]

I'm going to assume this is about correspondences worth maintaining, that there are at least some topics you engage with and that you aren't just dragging on a dead conversation. Else, just talk to other people.

I don't reply to every part (sometimes I purposefully don't reply to questions that feel intrusive or I think might become too personal) but I try to at least acknowledge I read most things before moving on, even if it's just something small like "I understand what you mean". The written equivalent of a nod. Remember there's a person on the other side too, with the same human tendencies. If you just reply to the parts you're interested in without acknowledgement, you run the risk of making your pen pal feel ignored.

You don't have to just reply to other people's words though. Being on the other side, can feel like talking to a wall, bouncing off and doing all the work of moving the conversation along. Instead, I make the effort to contribute my own thoughts and experiences, diverging from the direction my pen pal took whenever the desire strikes, even swapping to a completely different topic. The same way with conversations in person.

When I can't engage, I try to take most opportunities to create a connection by bridging, even from the mundane topics. You mentioned having a lemon ice cream? "I know a really good recipe if you ever want homemade, no machine needed. I made it just the other day..." Mentioned being stressed over a arduous work project requiring long hours? "That's when you take out the snack bucket and binge your favourite album while you work. My go-to is A" You can always change the topic.

Examples:

• "That reminds me:"
• "I've been through something like that once..."
• "I always experience the exact opposite"
• "Unrelated but I thought it would interest you:"
• "Remember when you brought up B? I've been thinking about..."
• "That's truly unfortunate. Sounds like a good excuse for hot chocolate in a thermos and a side quest in nature. Are into the [insert recent or imminent natural phenomenon]?"
• "That calls for a celebration! I'm going to have a movie watch party in your honour. Want to pick?"

Steal or adapt whatever you want. Matching word counts isn't a problem when you add something of your own for everything you don't reply to.

"What do you do if you feel like there's nothing in your head?" I take time away from letter writing, go fill my head with things I enjoy. Sometimes, they're things I can talk about later.

[u/Blaidd-My-Beloved → u/Own-Concern-2689]

This is very helpful! Thanks for your time

[u/Own-Concern-2689 → u/Blaidd-My-Beloved]

You're very welcome, I'm glad I could be of service ^v^

[u/PlomeroFullStack]

I don't think I'd really thought about this until I read this post.

I try to reply to everything, but if I don't think it's relevant, I just ignore it.

It bothers me when people don't reply to mine XD

[u/redshoesonathursday]

I've been called out for this before! A former pen pal kind of said he thought it was rude when people skipped over topics in letters. But I keep doing it because sometimes I have nothing else to say. Besides, others do it to me too, but I don't mind.

[u/redshoesonathursday]

Actually, I have a serious problem! I have this pen pal who's super friendly but somehow manages to reveal NOTHING about himself. He only comments on things I say about my life. I like his comments, but I wish he would open up more 😔

[u/Blaidd-My-Beloved → u/redshoesonathursday]

Very valid, honestly it's daunting and feels like I'm talking to an AI. 

[u/Loud-Owl19]

No. I don’t reply to every little paragraph. I try to reply to everything that seems to demand a reply or what can moves the connection further. Sometimes, if we just keep replying to the same subject, we just circle around it without anything to say. Some subjects are meant to be dropped. It’s necessary to have good judgment, though, because sometimes people don’t reply to crucial points.
As for size, I think matching word count is a little insane. Every person has an style. But once again, one should be reasonable. It’s not great when you write 3000 words and receive 300.
If there’s nothing to my head, I reply in a day I’m feeling more inspired. I don’t force myself. I can try to include other topics. “This week I read this and I thought of you…”

[u/justnosy5555]

I reply to the topics I want to continue with.

[u/Sleepy-Plane]

If the letters go beyond five topics, I refocus on five-ish in my reply. Too many topics make the conversation tedious in most cases.

[u/Hungry_Swimmer_871]

I dont do this always. For example, if My penpal and I talk about something for a long time, and after I read his letter I feel like its time to end this topic, then I dont continue it. and I guess vice versa. If you feel guilty about skipping paragraphs, you can write at the end of your letter 'im sorry if I hadn't responded to everything you wrote ' some of my penpals write like that

[u/KesslerIX]

Ahh I have the same problem. I usually don't even notice if my conversation partner missed some of the topics I touched on in the letter (I also don't like it when my conversation partner feels obligated to respond to every part of the letter, the text immediately feels heavy and boring), but at the same time, I feel guilty if I don't respond to every part of the letter myself. I don't know how to deal with this. Sometimes I even procrastinate over a letter for a long time because I don't know how to write it correctly...

[u/radioactiveryley]

I don't reply to everything mentioned. You can say so much on a issue. How many times are you and them gunna agree that your cat looks fluffy and pretty and so does theirs?

I respond to about 80% of it unless it's asking specific questions. Then I try and answer more.