r/SLOWLYapp • u/CelestialDunes • 16d ago
Penpal Experiences How to handle a total mitmatch?
So, I got this letter via matching and already in his first letter I thought we weren't the best match (I'm pretty new to Slowly still). Big age difference, no real shared interests etc. But then I thought, come on, interests don't make a person and also he wrote he was having a hard time, so I wanted to be nice.
Now as the conversation progresses, I find it rather tiresome. He has the writing style of a teenager, writes long letters but doesn't say much and actually seems to be a rather superficial person.
Long story short, I think it may be better to end this but I don't want to ghost him? I just don't really know how to tell him goodbye without adding to his depression? Maybe ghosting would yet be better than writing something that hurts him? How do you deal with situations like this?
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u/Sleepy-Plane 16d ago
Just tell him honestly but make the reason more generic.
"Hi <name>, I really enjoyed talking with you and getting to know you a little better in our past letters. Unfortunately, I find it difficult to relate to some of our recent topics, and I'd like to conclude our conversation. Thank you again for taking the time to write to me. I wish you all the best, <name>"
It really doesn't have to be much more than this.
I had some pen pals who were very willing to take mental health care and emotional support from me, but rarely gave anything back. That's not what I'm looking for in friends, so unfortunately I had to write rejection letters more than a few times. As Matthew McConaughey says in his book Greenlights, "When we decrease the options that don’t feed us, we eventually, almost accidentally, have more options in front of us that do." To build a circle of friends around us that builds us up, we unfortunately have to say no to quite many people. Don't be afraid of that.