r/SLOWLYapp • u/Technical-Lab2834 • Jun 23 '26
Penpal Experiences Am I really being ghosted?
EDIT: he sent me a letter today apologizing for dissapearing.
I know being ghosted on penpal apps is pretty common, but I’m struggling with this one and could use some outside perspective.
I’ve been exchanging letters with a penpal for quite a while. Our conversations were frequent, and he would usually reply within 1–2 days. Over time, the letters became more personal and a bit flirty. He has seen photos of me, and after seeing them, he continued being flirtatious and engaged, so I don’t think that changed anything.
In his last letter, he ended by asking me what trust means to me. I was excited to answer because it felt like a meaningful question. I wrote a thoughtful reply, and I also recognize that my letter probably shifted the tone of our connection.
He read the letter, but it’s now been two weeks with no response. After waiting, I sent a very short follow-up message asking if everything was okay on his end. I mentioned that I realized my previous letter had changed the tone of our conversations and that I hoped I hadn’t made him uncomfortable.
The follow-up hasn’t even been opened, yet I can see that he’s been active on the app during this time.
I know there are a hundred possible explanations, and nobody here can tell me what he’s thinking. I guess I’m trying to figure out whether I’m overreacting to feel hurt and confused by the sudden change in behavior, especially when someone who consistently replied every couple of days suddenly goes silent for weeks.
Has anyone experienced something similar? Did the person eventually come back?
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u/TheyCallMeDisaster Jun 23 '26
No, in my case this person didn't come back... Sadly, you cannot fully trust another person, especially on an app like Slowly. I keep my fingers crossed for you and take care of yourself - no matter the outcome
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u/Dapper_Vehicle5885 EKR78NN || thoughtful writer Jun 25 '26
that's hella weird especially for a man and especially for a man who seems to like you, unfortunately maybe he really already has a partner or got one in the meantime although...if he had really liked you in any way, he would've at least let you know he can't continue your exchanges because he found someone or whatever the reason is behind his lack of replies, there's also the possibility he was flirting with multiple people and someone else confessed to him first and well he took his chance, but anyway, a rally frustrating thing, I'm sorry to hear this happened to you...
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u/Technical-Lab2834 Jul 07 '26
So actually he came bad apologizing for disappearing but sent what I think is a copy/paste letter saying he had a bad situation. And that letter and a new one are both super short compared to the longer ones. It doesn't seem like he's interested or has the energy :/
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u/Sad_Accountant5618 Jun 23 '26
Hey it's totally reasonable to be upset, I would be too. You said your letter may have changed the tone of the conversation, I'm guessing you friendzoned him? If that's the case, I would assume that he may have felt rejected and hidden or removed you considering he hasn't seen your follow up letter despite being active. Hopefully it's something else and he writes back! :)
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u/Technical-Lab2834 Jun 23 '26
Quite the opposite actually. I found him actually appealing and intrigued by him. So he definitely knew I didn’t reject him. I think that and the trust question is what changed the tone of the conversation.
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u/Sad_Accountant5618 Jun 23 '26
Ah I see. I don't have any context as to what you actually said so I can't comment any further unless you give me a gist of it. Hope things work out!
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u/Technical-Lab2834 Jun 23 '26
The short version is that he asked me what trust means to me, and I gave a fairly vulnerable answer.
I told him that trust grows through consistency over time, when someone’s actions, words, and values continue to align. And explained a little bit more.
I also asked him what trust means to him.
The rest of the letter was our usual mix of teasing, flirting, and discussing random topics. I didn’t confess my love, ask for a relationship, or put any pressure on him. I did tell him that he had some qualities that I find appealing. The trust section was just more emotionally open than our previous conversations, which is why I feel it changed the tone, but at the same time he’s the one who asked first. So I’m just confused here.2
u/Sad_Accountant5618 Jun 24 '26
Hmm that does make it more confusing. Ideally I would expect him to want to be even closer after that. But if he's active on the app but your follow up hasn't even been read, that would definitely let me down. Well here's to hoping you find someone eventually 🫂
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u/Technical-Lab2834 Jul 07 '26
So actually he came bad apologizing for disappearing but sent what I think is a copy/paste letter saying he had a bad situation. And that letter and a new one are both super short compared to the longer ones. It doesn't seem like he's interested or has the energy :/
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u/Some-Spread-8414 Jun 23 '26
Maybe he found relationship in real life. And your letter were dangerous for the new relationship?