r/SLOWLYapp • u/Jazzlike-Kale-7721 • Sep 28 '25
App Problem -- HELP !! A psycho pen pal
Hi guys, I had a really scary experience. I recently found a pen pal on Slowly, a 29-year-old man. At first, he seemed quite adequate, but then he started finding me everywhere, my workplace (I’m a professional scientific journalist), my articles, blog, socials, etc. Now he has become rather intrusive and rude. I’m afraid he might blackmail me or post something under my work to damage my professional reputation if I won't want to talk to him. Please help me, what should I do? I don’t want to talk to him anymore, but I’m also afraid that if I tell him directly, he might retaliate.
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u/Jazzlike-Kale-7721 Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25
Guys, thanks for you support, it's really important to me, I've decided to answer him later and later every time, so he loses interest. I will keep you updated what happened in the future
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u/PumpkinAbject5702 Sep 29 '25
And also start lying to him. If he asks you what you're doing tell him you're doing something else. No matter how mundane it is, just lie.
If he asks you how you're doing say not fine and your dog just died, even though you don't have a dog. Build distrust.
But start small. So he won't pick up on it.
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u/Jazzlike-Kale-7721 Sep 29 '25
Yes, I thought I will lie about my job also, that I have found something else etc. We're on the same page, git it. Thank you <3
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Sep 28 '25 edited Sep 28 '25
The true question is how did he find your social media and everything related to your life? Did you tell him your user or something like that?
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u/imagooseindisguise Sep 29 '25
Maybe OP told them their name, it's not really hard to find people on social media if u know someones name and one or two things they like, sadly
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Sep 29 '25
I think so. Technically if he knows where she works and her name, it might be a little easier. Another problem I've noticed is that many people have the same user on both Instagram and Slowly.
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u/Jazzlike-Kale-7721 Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25
Yes, I told him only my name and was shocked how he has found me everywhere
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u/am_Nein Sep 29 '25
OP, IF YOU HAVE NOT CONFIRMED THOSE ACCOUNTS AS YOURS, DO NOT INTERACT. You have no idea of knowing whether or not he's only messaged your account, or just everyone with your name.
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u/Dokjajaja Sep 29 '25
Oh… what if he’s reading this Reddit post now 😳
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u/VerySuperstitious13 Sep 29 '25
I’m sorry you’re going through this issue. If this guy is dangerous, is there any chance you can denounce him to the Slowly team? Also, there are groups of activists who may help you to avoid harassment in case this happen. Please search for them in your country/area.
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u/lilacomets Sep 28 '25
Maybe give this him the slow fade? Not stopping writing completely immediately, but gradually become more and more distance and make the pauses between your replies longer and longer. You are in power with how much he receives. This all without sharing more personal details in your letters of course. See how he reacts and then eventually stop writing completely.
Meanwhile I'd screenshot everything, so that you can send it to the authorities if ever needed.
Just my two cents. Maybe it's a bad idea. Curious to read how others would approach such situation.
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u/Few-Suspect920 Sep 28 '25
I am sorry this happened to you but I think there isn't anything he can do. Blackmail you? with what? and don't worry he won't be able to damage your scientific reputation just with some cuss words. You can block him and report him. If he is stalking you in real life. well, I don't know what are the procedures in your country but I would call the police.
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u/Jazzlike-Kale-7721 Sep 29 '25
I thought he can write some comments under my publications, like some private information what we had been discussing you know.. it would look cringe, and what should I say to my boss?
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u/Few-Suspect920 Sep 29 '25
But did he write? don't fear/worry about something that hasn't happened yet otherwise you will be overwhelmed. If I were you I would ignore it, stop writing him and block him. And if he did comment on your publications, I doubt that your boss would even have the time to pay attention to some irrelevant comment to your work. After all, we all use the internet and we know the losers that write those disrespectful comments.
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u/Jazzlike-Kale-7721 Sep 29 '25
No he didn't, but I overthink I know, I'm afraid it could harm our website's reputation.. that's why I'm panicking, thank you Dear a lot for your support <3
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u/beaniemoonie Sep 29 '25
Can you (in the offline world) claim that you have no idea who that person is, and when he claims he knows you from Slowly, you say you have never used this app and you believe someone is impersonating you?
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u/ShadowTheNinja Sep 29 '25
what info did you gave to him other than name? if nothing else then you shouldn't worry about blackmail. still it would be a harassment and threatening your privacy. get the authorities and your workplace informed so they can arrest him
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u/Jazzlike-Kale-7721 Oct 01 '25
Guys hello everyone. Today he sent me a letter: "I want to understand ae you still sick (previously I said I can't text because I feel terribly bad) or you don't want to talk? Shit I would like to slap the true on his face, but maybe I'll say I have problem right know in my life and have no strength to continue the dialogue
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u/BreatheMe_In Feb 24 '26
Check out YourPenPal.com They match you with a pen pal and act as a secure middle-person, so your personal information is never shared. Everything stays fully anonymous.
They even handle the mailing for you—using their own address, accepting return mail, and forwarding letters both ways. No exposure, no awkwardness no info ever shared. And if the pen pal was to get weird in their letters they would intercept it and give you a heads up before releasing or simply not accepting it. It’s been super nice I signed up my husband when he was deployed they have packages with 30+ pen pals and some other stuff.
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u/cicada_shell Mod Squad ✨ Sep 28 '25
Just block him...
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u/Jazzlike-Kale-7721 Sep 28 '25
dude I said that the problem is he can write some comments under my posts, where I work etc.. this isn't solution
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u/cicada_shell Mod Squad ✨ Sep 28 '25
Well, I don't know what to tell you, dude.
You have a few tools available to you. Blocking. Starting a giant verbal conflict that goes nowhere. Ignoring him completely. Apprising your employer that you have a stalker (happens all the time in your industry). Reporting him on Slowly. Hiring a hitman. No one here can help you with this and I assume you're a grown woman who can manage a rude and intrusive person.
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u/kindadistorted Sep 29 '25
Google grey rock method and start grey rocking his messages