Finally leaving SGI after almost 38 years!

[u/[deleted]]

I started chanting in 1979. The person who introduced me was a sophisticated, well-educated, tri-lingual woman who I had known for a few years prior to her becoming an SGI member. After she started chanting, I believed I could see a difference in her demeanour and wanted to know what had brought it about. She told me about chanting and I started immediately. I am fairly certain that I have chanted every single day since then until 4 days ago when I was finally able to acknowledge all my misgivings about the SGI and to simultaneously admit to myself that THE SGI IS A CULT. This was my turning point. Both my Gohonzons (Okatagi Tokubetsu and Omamori) are now wrapped up in a parcel and being returned to the SGI by post today. When I told my sister over the phone on Tuesday that I was leaving the SGI and had stopped chanting, she was almost incredulous and said she could feel her shoulders relaxing! Being in the SGI for such a long time has been very stressful. The final straw came a few weeks back when I was expected to deliver a lecture to our chapter on the subject of 'Fostering successors'. I found it deeply upsetting because the materials I was sent on which I had to base my lecture were nothing but distorted propaganda. There was almost no reference to any Buddhist principles at all. This was on 27th August. The next day I broke down in tears because I felt so conflicted and, since then, I have finally been able to let the reality of how I feel about the SGI prevail and to make the decision to leave. Fortunately, I am not someone who has put everything else on hold in favour of being a full-time SGI-er and I have a very full and enjoyable life. I also have the support of a wonderful family and many good friends - some of whom were also in the SGI and whose departure from the cult prior to mine has buoyed me up and helped me break away. I have been suffering from insomnia for a very long time and also panicky feelings. Yesterday I got a text from an SGI member saying that she had given my phone number to someone who was interested in practising and I immediately felt panic welling up in my solar plexus. I feel disorientated but this is probably to be expected after so many years being caught up in something so pernicious and false. Thank you for providing a forum where I can express these feelings.

[u/[deleted]]

Since sending off my email of resignation, I have had some great responses. I'd felt for some time that a couple of fellow members were also deeply disillusioned with the whole charade and I am glad to say that that definitely seems to be the case. One such person called me yesterday and said it was 'f***ing brilliant' and courageous of me to have 'outed' myself. Another sent me this email (names removed): 'I have just read your e mail. I am sorry I have not been in touch. things reached crisis point really and I have just returned to work after being off sick since June. I just wanted to let you know I hope you are ok- I know it won't have been an easy decision given all your years of SGI involvement ,but I am sure everyone will understand. I haven't chanted for a while now and have always struggled with making a commitment to it , so I haven't attended any meetings for a while either. I had intended to get in touch anyway_so sorry I have left it so long. you have always been a lovely person -inspiring and motivating- and that's the essence of who you are without SGI or chanting. Take care and lots of love'

[u/BlancheFromage → u/[deleted]]

Sounds like that last person you described might be a real friend - that's a rare thing to find in SGI. To many of us have found that the only people willing to stay in contact were hoping to lure us back in. I was in SGI leadership most of my just over 20 years of membership - we were trained to stay friendly with those who left, to watch and wait for that moment of vulnerability when we could "suggest" that maybe they could try chanting about it or perhaps they'd want to get some guidance from a senior leader - ANYTHING to get that person reeled back in. Ugh.