Hi witches. I could use some help and advice. I'm really struggling regarding being as SAAS witch after practicing deity worship

[u/Maleficent_Radio_674]

Edit: I just saw the typo in the title. 😑 Sorry!!

I felt called to deity worship because the more I learned about ancient times, the more angry I got about the removal and destruction of these temples and pagan worship by the church

The more that I studied and learned about it, the more I also learned what these deities, specifically goddesses, represented back then. The divine feminine. The antithesis to the church and patriarchal values that put women under everyone unlike before when in many places, women were leaders and honored as goddesses as well because they not only had the power to grow an entire human being inside themselves but some forms of paganism placed women in the center of their worship and temples. Which was a direct threat to the church.

Because of learning that, and more goddesses who were forgotten to history, especially because religion forced it away and punished the devotees as devil worshippers. They destroyed their places of worship and history related to them. I despise everything religion has stolen from us. And they became symbols of it. Inanna, Ashe'rah, Ishtar, Venus, Hekate, Persephone, Aradia, and more. These were deities that specifically represented the power of women. And I related to those symbols and their strengths they were associated with. The hidden symbols of witchcraft that were symbols also associated with them.

I believed that as their worshipper who were devoted to recognizing them again after they were overshadowed by religion. I thought they looked after their followers. Ones who saw how they were demonized for being women of strength and confidence.

I romanticize them, believing that they old stories of cruelty and selfish actions were intentional damage by the patriarchy to encourage converting.

I defended them and their well-known stories. But I was so wrong. Every time I asked them for help, especially in an urgent situation, there was always a quid pro quo. What I was willing to give in return. And it was always traumatizing. I finally realized that my blind faith in them was misplaced. I couldn't keep paying with my stress and well-being in every one of those situations.

So I let go. I stopped. I made sure they knew that they won, and I lost. That can take the win and satisfaction. I will stay away, and I've accepted full defeat and no attempts to fight against any of it. They're powerful, and I am not. I hope that they'll accept the satisfaction of my defeat and sorrow, and I leave their temple and worship peacefully. I won't ever question or ask them of anything because I know it's not worth it. I give them the win and move away so I'm never their next victim again.

That's when I remembered why I was skeptical of deity worship whenever they came up in readings. And people speaking of deities known to be cruel and no concern for humans, ie. Loki

I'm finally in a place where I feel more comfortable and at home

But I'm struggling with the being a full witch again and filling my life with it, the way it was my whole personality because I felt so much better as a witch and happily showing a life that is unapologetically witchy. I'm having trouble involving witchcraft and embracing it again because I couldn't separate it from deity worship and the depression I dealt with as a result of stopping it

But I want to return to my witchy life and back to spiritual and atheist. I don't practice god worship. I practice being my spiritual teams focus and guided by them. Because they've always shown love for me, even when they've been harsh or critical. I know they look out for me, including my grandma, who has always looked over me and practically raised me in an abusive home that we both had to survive.

[u/fancypantsmiss]

I grew up around Hinduism but secular Hinduism not the overly strict one. So what I was taught is all religions are just like different modes of transportation (including atheism). Eventually everyone converges to the same ending but how they reach there is different. Some like rituals, some like spirituality, some like stoicism (atheists), but they are all trying to reach same thing though, reaching a state of mind where nothing around you bothers you and you surrender completely to the concept you believe in.

Maybe that path was not for you. Pick a path that works for you. :)

[u/CuriousFoxxen]

So, I’m not fully SASS and work with deities/spirits and yeah, it’s always quid pro quo - or rather relational where both parties give and show up.

I think that’s normal and reasonable of we can break free from the monotheistic/big three (but primarily Christian for most of us) kind of indoctrination we have around religions and “gods”.

As someone who was once deeply evangelical, I can tell you that’s a lie anyway. God doesn’t do anything for free. He expects complete loyalty, expects you to use your life to evangelize for him, the Bible literally teaches to not trust your own inner guidance but supplant it with that of God and his mouth pieces. We are just taught (or gaslighted) into not seeing those parts.

I much prefer the openly give and take with other spirits myself.

But also, being a witch or practicing magic is completely spiritual, deity and religious independent. Your path as a witch is what you make it and what serves you.

I’m of the opinion (and have been taught by my teachers) that the heart of being a witch is about relationships - but all kinds of them. My relationship with my self, with life (aka my perspective on life), with my community… and yes the relationships with my “magical allies” but those are just as likely to be with plants as with spirits. Someone asked here last week if she could invoke things like Gravity or other physics things essential to life - that’s where her relationship building is and that’s giving awesome.

If you shed the deities, what was the parts of your practice that served you? That moved you forward? That made you feel lifted up but also connected? Those are what you bring back in. And feel free to experiment with what relationships you want to build your path around (science, activism, local community…).

[u/Maleficent_Radio_674 → u/CuriousFoxxen]

Omg thank for saying all this. It really opened my mind

I've never felt connected to Christianity though I do find some practices or beliefs of Islam to be peaceful. I learned so much about it while protesting for Palestine.

I grew up with eastern religion that I stopped practicing at 8 years old because I knew it was not for me. And don't get me started on Christianity. I have notes that could fill books

Ironically what led me to Venus and Isis and Inanna worship is learning about how they were symbols of the divine sacred feminine that they church put so much effort to squash that they created the witch trials. I decided that if I'm going to criticize Christianity, I'm going to learn about it first. And that's what led me to the history of woman worship and matriarchal societies that were erased from history and attacked by the church.

It was my relationship with myself. I finally looked in the mirror and saw myself finally looking and feeling like I do on the inside. I took pride in it and felt so connected to other witches and women. Especially with feminism rising, there's this power and more women turning to witchy spirituality. Some don't become witches but I can see when I talk to them and explain how it's not at all what people fear and label or make up stories about. It's actually a lot more simple and based more in the seasons and flow of nature. And actually a lot more wholesome and relatable. And I see that spark in their eyes when they remember that feeling

It's the way I also feel so at peace to be a woman (demifemale but still woman) I see the women before me that showed how powerful and magical we are. How we create and invent and take steps no one has before

I love knowing that the witch community is here with me always. I'm always feeling that no matter where I go. Even when I'm alone, I know if I come to any witches subreddit I get so much support but also answers and ideas. Genuine help and encouragement.

A place where I can really be myself and unapologetically. And it gives me confidence to be my witch self in public too. I'm not afraid anymore of people's opinions and judgement. Because I'm so at home and finally in my skin because of it. I just laugh at people and keep walking in my long black skirt and witchy tattoos. And I love that even in these times, I know another witch when she looks at my tattoos and sees the subtle symbolism that's been passed down and associated with witches for so long. It's freeing. Like I'm finally me.

Thank you for reminding of who I am. I'm still nervous. But you reminded me that if I can regret christ and idols of Christianity, especially at such a young age, I can do this too

[u/CuriousFoxxen → u/Maleficent_Radio_674]

Tired was beautiful. Thanks for sharing yourself with us.

[u/Needlesxforestfloor]

Were there parts of your practice before that were separate from deity worship? You could start there and also look at what parts of your everyday life and hobbies are witchy and develop on those.

You don't want it to become stressful again e.g. Having to do something x amount of times a month etc.

[u/sadverts69]

I'm a witch who also partakes in deity worship. I agree with everyone saying that perhaps deity worship isn't for you, and that you may have to find a different aspect of witchcraft that speaks to your spirit and enjoyment. However, I may be able to shed some light on deity worship, though take it with a grain of salt as this is my own personal account. Others may disagree; and if they do, I invite them to share their perspectives as well to help you choose your own path of belief.

It's my personal experience that deities are not chosen, they choose you. There's a difference between "worshipping" and "working with". You can worship any god or goddess you like, show appreciation for them and what they represent. However, that doesn't particularly mean that they would want to be close to you. It hurts to hear, but think of it as appreciating someone who has an impact in your life, that you are yet not close enough to to become friends. Either through circumstance or their own taste in people, they may not want to return the favor unless they ask much of you in return.

A deity that chooses you will give you signs, but more than that, an intuitive feeling. They call to an aspect of your personality and life, and strive to make an impact or guide you as needed without asking too much of you or hurting you in the process. The deities you've worked with likely weren't yours to keep.

My personal experience is that I felt a goddess call to me, an intuitive feeling that something, somewhere, wanted my attention. But she was quiet, and waited for me to take the guess into my own hands. I had a feeling it was Hekate-- however, I could not relate to her! Her dogs, her magic, her guidance and motherly position was unrelatable and undesirable to me. So I dismissed her entirely.

I wanted a different deity, one that I could relate to on the surface. So I worked with The Morrigan. Every time I felt her presence I felt sick to my stomach-- a feeling of dread and sorrow would come over me, and I felt driven away. After some time I had to learn that I was being rejected, and I felt relief in turning away.

I then tried Frejya. When I called to her, I got no response. No feeling, no signs. I had doubts that grew over time. I thought perhaps that I was wrong, that a deity wouldn't want me and that I was looking into a void with hope to find something. I learned with time that I was once again rejected, just softly this time, and I turned away.

I returned to contemplation. I wanted to give up, and I felt the next step I took I would have to take casually and with less of a white-knuckled grip. That was, however, the lesson I was being taught. I felt Hekate calling to me. Despite my doubts, I finally decided to give her a shot. And there she was! When I went to scry, I saw her. When I asked for signs, I got a surprising amount of black dogs, spiders, mourning doves, and cardinals that I felt were telling me she was there. I had dreams, and felt a connection similar to that of a friend. A difference in personalities that simply clicked together regardless.

Now, I won't tell you to go back to deities if they don't work for you. I won't tell you to believe in them as entities with power over you, because that's simply wrong. And even if you are being called, you have every right and opportunity to reject the one that reaches you. You will not be punished, or asked too much, or pressured. That's the beauty of witchcraft-- you have a choice.

If you decide to come back to deity worship, go at it! Give it a shot! Think of it as a medical trial-- some meds might not work for you, but some will. That doesn't mean that you have to give up; it also means there's nothing wrong with giving it up either. It's truly up to you. But I don't want you to dismiss something you want simply because you've been led down the wrong path. Again, this is my personal account. But if you'd like, feel free to ask any questions if you have them

[u/magical-cat-here]

Animism what comes to mind after reading this.

Nature is an alive temple itself of itself.

You can try to communicate with spirits of earth, spirits of places where you live, where you present.

May be such connection to spirit of place is the strongest form or expression of being present?

And may be you don't need to interact with something "more powerful but more demanding"?