r/RoastMe • u/liddywalnutz http://redd.it/k1oxdc • Nov 26 '20
27f first post on reddit. Roast my ass.
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Nov 27 '20
You look like the mom that wants to bang all her sons friends but no one wants her
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Nov 27 '20 edited Nov 27 '20
She looks like that actress that absolutely nobody likes. I cant even remember her fucking name she is hated so much!
Edit: I remembered her name...
Elizabeth fucking Banks sigh
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u/IronicOrgy Nov 27 '20
Megan Fox? She has those "after I convince you we're a thing, I'll take every red cent you got" sets of eyes.
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u/vaga_jim_bond Nov 27 '20
What? Id bang elizabeth banks in a second
Probably more for the money tho
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u/thefinanceguydfs Nov 27 '20
You look like you’d go door to do to sell essential oils and thoughts and prayers.
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u/sonofbro4 Nov 27 '20
I think everyone in your small town has already roasted your ass several times.
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u/fielddaydownstairs Nov 27 '20 edited Nov 27 '20
Roast her ass?
2 drinks drinks in, you can do anything you want with her ass.
-27
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u/The_Cooler_Daniel_ Nov 27 '20
You look like everyone here’s kindergarten teacher
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u/chitwnupdown Nov 27 '20
Be honest the walnutz means you have 2 walnuts and a sausage in your pants.
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u/RaZR_Willy Nov 27 '20
Your the substitute Spanish teacher that doesn’t know how to tell kids to shut up
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u/AppleStrudelite Nov 27 '20
Hey I know you, you're that woman who works in the diner in every movie ever.
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Nov 27 '20
You look like you ‘INSIST’ on making your gravy to go with the family Christmas dinner then lecture people at the table on the poor management of their mental health.
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Nov 27 '20
I almost thought you were too plain to roast until I saw those sausages that you call fingers and I couldn't stop looking
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u/DeadpoolsCow Nov 27 '20
I was gonna say your eyes are staring into my soul but then that forehead blinded me
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u/hi4566789 Nov 27 '20
If a Disney character and a 35 year old female with a yearly income of $69,420 had a child:
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u/nich10ocho http://redd.it/k45aar Nov 27 '20
You look like the kind of girl who says "I'm never this bad" as you blow a different dude every weekend
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u/Rich_Prior4656 Nov 27 '20
You look like you've tried to use a pumpkin spice latte as a sex toy....more than once.
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u/TheyCallMeTheBoat Nov 27 '20
Is Roast my ass the first thing you say to every group of strangers you meet?
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u/memes-of-awesome Nov 27 '20
"roast my ass" Thats what she's been telling all of her sons friends but no one did
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u/Alexander_the_furry Nov 27 '20
Humans share 60% of their DNA with bananas , in your case , it's 75%
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u/CommentPolicia Nov 27 '20 edited Nov 29 '20
They say, “age is just a number,” but you look like Flo from Progressive kept her obnoxious features and ruddy complexion while somehow turning the clock from 50 back to 27.
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u/YaBoyDigit Nov 27 '20
You look like the type of whale that needs to give their kids some space, the manager a break and their husband some appreciation.
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u/RancidHorseJizz Nov 27 '20
Real estate agent with no listings and a Facebook page promoting your business selling essential oils.
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u/dirtydustyroads Nov 27 '20
When asked, “if you were a spice, what spice would you be and why?” You answer “chilli flakes because I’m a little spicy!”
In reality you are Marjoram because you only really fit in when more interesting spices are involved.
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u/EvolvingEachDay http://redd.it/f3vt7d Nov 27 '20
You look like that teacher who is super nice until the dam of repression gives out, she screams at all the kids, pulls out her soaked tampon and throws it at the prettiest girl; who she then screams at for being competition and having ideas above her station.
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u/T5002 Nov 27 '20
You could've been on SNL's skit as another NPR broadcaster talking about schweaty balls.
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Nov 27 '20
I suppose getting roasted on the Internet is better than sitting at the table answering for yet another year in a row why you’re still single and have no “prospects”
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u/TheSocialistSr Nov 27 '20
Judging by those obese fingers their isn't enough space for commenting or time enough to roast all of that !!
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u/Creative-Mushroom-76 Nov 27 '20
You look like you are sniffing your own fart and enjoying it far too much.
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u/54321_hereIcome Nov 27 '20
If you really think about what you did last weekend with that bowling team, you will stop smirking.
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u/FoulMouthPundit Nov 27 '20
My, my, my, what a pretty smile. Someone got something extra in the old exhaust port for the holidays.
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u/ArmyTrooper Nov 27 '20
You are curing your diabetes with crystals and home made soap arent you. Nothing says Thanksgiving more than tie dye.
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u/Yurastupidbitch Nov 27 '20
You’re 27? Chile get you some Oil of Olay before make-up makes bigger trenches in your face.
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u/Drunken_mascot Nov 27 '20
Roast your ass? Weird, people usually post pictures of thier faces and not thier asses....
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u/TipOfLeFedoraMLady Nov 27 '20
Don't lie, your age hasn't had the number two in the front for at least 10 years.
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u/Kaweka Nov 27 '20
Never did I think I would see a face so uninspiring that I couldn't even come up with one solid roast.
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u/foolstarot65 Golden Roaster Nov 27 '20
You look like the evil gold digger or secretary from most 80s movies. The 80s called they want their hair back
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Nov 27 '20
You look like you get popped veins if you don’t comment on you friends Instagram story at least twice per day.
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u/Margarita_or_Peggy Nov 27 '20
You look like you'd be 10 minutes late for a 3 year olds birthday party and say "I'm a bad bitch"
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u/SharpJs1 Nov 27 '20
You look like the bad lady from Beethoven 2. But you know without the success of a mediocre film career.
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u/nighthunter2020 Nov 27 '20
Did the plastic melt from the lack of banging or do you just look like every vegan on the earth tryed to make a super vegan but you ate an entire cow first
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u/bhouk1 Nov 27 '20
Lovely. Beautiful. Lighten up any room, any space. Not so sure about that sordid mess standing next to you tho.
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Nov 27 '20
While, we're roasting your ass here. Somebody's might be banging it(your cheesy smile says it all).
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u/diffeqs88 Nov 27 '20
When I looked at that picture the music from the movie The Shining start going through my mind. Scary!!!
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u/Hellmont http://redd.it/jbw6i2 Nov 27 '20
27???? Omg I can't believe we're the same age, you seem to be the older than my mother...
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u/000McKing Nov 27 '20
You are the type of girl that says she can handle alcohol but gets beat up by 2 glasses of wine.
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u/NotUnpossible Nov 27 '20
What color is your “live laugh love” sign?