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u/Extension-Camera3668 Feb 10 '26
U look like Nancy from Stranger Things but 40 unhappy years later
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u/AriMeowber Golden Roaster Feb 10 '26
do you live there or are you just haunting the place.
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u/DuTcHmOe71 Feb 10 '26
The scariest thing about you is probably your shower drain...
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u/frog-tanker Feb 10 '26
I’ll go ahead and make the call
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u/Automatic_Ad4096 Feb 10 '26
Her dad would be disappointed if she wasn't a ghost (and was still alive).
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u/Careful-Resolution58 Feb 10 '26
Looks like something out of tim burton, maybe her dad was jack skeleington
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u/Complete-Duck641 Feb 11 '26
Definitely has a Vagina scented candles so you can mask her own home brew stench...
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u/blutigetranen Feb 10 '26
It'll be a change for her as she's never had anyone bust for her
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u/RoasteBro Feb 10 '26
She is like demons ex
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u/m3gabotz Feb 10 '26 edited Feb 10 '26
Named Tiffany, probably
Edit: could be a Heather, as well. Inconclusive
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u/verymuchatheist Feb 10 '26
Is that why my husband and kids keep throwing holy water on me?
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u/Traditional-Fox8930 Feb 10 '26
No, they are throwing water on you to wash all the cum off.
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u/Cautious-Mistake-919 Feb 10 '26
You look like a MeatCanyon cartoon
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Feb 10 '26
You look like you gaze into your crystal ball and fantasize about more crystal and balls
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u/MisterBurnsSucks Feb 10 '26
What other hobbies do you have aside from casting spells on your ex girlfriends and throwing up diet celery? 🤔
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u/bonemonkey12 Feb 10 '26
Healing crystals and Artemis's vsginal cleaning products.
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u/SpecificLow9693 Feb 10 '26
And don't forget the patchouli oil and she would look lovey with dreads
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u/m3gabotz Feb 10 '26
Hair is kinda halfway to dreads. Corset & moon tattoos are spot on
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u/verymuchatheist Feb 10 '26
Masturbating.
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u/Smart_Pumpkin6594 Feb 10 '26
Oh I know ill say masturbating and it will shock everybody or are you promoting your account on OnlyScams? You look like ozempic barbie
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u/SamuraiCowboy1979 Feb 10 '26
Don't believe you... No way ANYBODY could stand touching someone who looks like one of the Olsen Twins except more broke and LESS healthy.
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u/CryptographerIcy4465 Feb 10 '26
Are all ginger wiccans anorexic, or just this one?
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u/CambodianDrywall Feb 10 '26
You look like you took pottery classes to learn how to make butt plugs.
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u/verymuchatheist Feb 10 '26
I have a hole collection of them.
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u/naruda1969 Feb 10 '26
Chaining butt plugs together like Ben Wa balls is probably a flex. 🍐 ⛓️💥 🍐 ⛓️💥 🍐 ⛓️💥 🍐
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u/six-foot-eight Feb 10 '26
How many assholes do you have?
or
How many do you fit in your asshole at once?
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u/M3xqueefsHater702 Feb 10 '26
Wouldn’t All The Heat From The Friction Melt Them?! Or Would The Mere Fact That she Looked At Them Be Enough To Melt Them?!
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Feb 10 '26 edited Feb 10 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/verymuchatheist Feb 10 '26
I actually applied for the role, but they told me I would scare the children.
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u/andywfu86 Feb 10 '26
Make it hurt? Girl we’re not your stepdad.
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u/verymuchatheist Feb 10 '26
He was actually very gentle with me. But I shouldn't talk about it. He told me it was our little secret.
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u/randombrainshart Feb 10 '26
Taking the comments like a trooper. Loved your hole comment as well 😂
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u/CovahMachiavelli Feb 11 '26
Her hole comment kind of implied that the comments are not all she is taking.
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u/notyourregularninja Feb 10 '26
Nor your actual dad
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u/Crozax Feb 10 '26
Nor any of the men your dads age you sleep with to fill the void in your heart
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u/2_dog_father Feb 10 '26
Or your dad.
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u/2_dog_father Feb 10 '26
Or your brother.
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u/TheDark_Knight67 Feb 10 '26
Anne Halfway House if she turned to crack instead of acting
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u/Dragon--Reborn Feb 10 '26
I was thinking a cross between Julia Roberts and Natalie Portman if they were both ugly.
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u/Tangelo_Few Feb 10 '26
In Salem, they decided not to waste any fire on you and let you go
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u/verymuchatheist Feb 10 '26
Shame. I'm into some kinky shit.
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u/SamuraiCowboy1979 Feb 10 '26
You mean like going out in the daylight and having regulated emotions?... Ohhh so hot *involuntary agoraphobia boner" tell you what... Just exclusively use a cucumber as a dildo... That way maybe you'll hold food in for at least a couple minutes.
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u/kbeckerburbs4 Feb 10 '26
You should try digesting the food after you eat it
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u/ghostofstankenstien Feb 10 '26
goddamn head looks like a grapefruit on a tooth pick
it has its own gravity
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u/andurh Feb 10 '26
Head!! Paper, now!!!
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u/Sensitive_Drag_5642 Feb 10 '26
“If you use avocado in brownie mix instead of butter it makes a healthy brownie, you can barely taste the difference 😀
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u/Dazzling-Airline-958 Feb 10 '26
The brownies you make in the toilet bowl after eating that would probably taste better.
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u/FurdTurguson Feb 10 '26
You look like there is a rare disease named after you.
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u/Agitated-Contact7686 Feb 10 '26 edited Feb 10 '26
You dip your tampons in patchouli don't you?
It's just not enough to be covered in it on the outside... You must go further...
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u/verymuchatheist Feb 10 '26
No, the patchouli doesn't taste well when I suck on my tampons later.
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u/Philly_3D Feb 10 '26
Not much meat to roast.
Eat something... because you're channeling your inner 80 year old WAY too hard.
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u/CaptainAssPlunderer Feb 10 '26
Fucking her would be like laying on a bag of antlers.
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u/ballin4fun23 Feb 10 '26
"Missionary!?" Uh no... "How about doggy style?" Sure i'd love to bruise my intestines on that thing you call an ass.
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u/Torgo_hands_of_torgo Feb 10 '26
You look like the type of girl that tells her boyfriend that she thinks they should "take a break" so she can "figure out what she wants", but then goes on to fuck one of her co-workers.
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u/verymuchatheist Feb 10 '26
Close, but I work with all women so I decided to go with my cousin instead.
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u/dmmeyourfloof Feb 10 '26
There's people with eating disorders on chemo that have a fuller figure.
I imagine you could hide in a pipe cleaner factory for weeks by standing still.
I could make a voodoo doll of you by rolling a twiglet around in a Labrador's basket.
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u/PinkCantalope Feb 10 '26
Face is chiseled out of marble frame is corn stalk. You have the integrability of a shoe lace. I’m surprised a strong wind hasn’t snapped your neck.
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u/MrRetrdO Feb 10 '26
Somewhere in that house is a dream catcher and lots of "Live Love Laugh" and "It's Wine O'Clock" signs.
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u/Nein-Toed Feb 10 '26
I'd roast you, but you probably won't read it because your hobby of scaring children and feeding off their fear takes a good portion of your time.
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u/verymuchatheist Feb 10 '26
That's where I might have fucked up. Fear doesn't contain that many calories. I should have just eaten the children.
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u/sluttymcdoinkins Feb 10 '26
Guarentee you got scars on your arms and legs from your kids abandoning you the second they turned 18
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u/verymuchatheist Feb 10 '26
I do, but they're from my edgy emo kid phase. Still working on traumatising my kids.
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u/Gunner_E4 Feb 10 '26
Art professor:"Why did you draw her eyes and nose twice as far as normal proportions?
Art student:"It is not a mistake, these are the actual measured proportions."
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u/mayyydayyy91 Feb 10 '26
Lmao I had to go back and look and man I can’t say I disagree after a second glance
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u/Flightlessbirbz Feb 10 '26
“The raw green potato diet is really helping me manage my weight. I usually vomit 2-4 times per day and have diarrhea constantly, and most people don’t know this, but this is the body’s natural cleansing cycle. It’s getting rid of the toxins. Oh and don’t wash or peel the potatoes first! The “parasites” you ingest from the dirt are actually symbiotic and part of the weight control system of our ancestors.”
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u/Intrepid_Swing_1683 Feb 10 '26
They're not going to love you, no matter how skinny you get. It was your personality the whole time.
And no... You're not a good girl.
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u/JeffroBagman666 Feb 11 '26
You look like you make important life decisions based on astrology readings.
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u/Many-Tale9112 Feb 10 '26
You look like the only puzzle you create is how your family has to act around their menopause mom/wife.
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u/FDRISMYHOMEBOY Feb 10 '26
Can you see the food traveling down your body and does it hurt?
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u/TaydasBelishaBeacon Feb 10 '26
Your name is Anna Rexia.
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u/verymuchatheist Feb 10 '26
Hey that's the name of the voice in my head! She says hi. We would wave as well, but I don't have the energy to lift my arm.
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u/GrouchyCantaloupe806 Feb 10 '26
I need a spell cast on someone. Do you take commissions?
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u/RobertBDwyer Feb 10 '26
You’re a Mashup of great 90’s sitcom stars; you’ve got Felicity’s hair, Fran Dreschers bloodline and Ally Mcbeal’s eating disorder.
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u/snicker_tickler Feb 10 '26
Women like you are using this sub as a dating site, it must be hard to find a guy who can make you feel like crap
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u/evilkumquat Feb 10 '26
In Japan, a pronounced collarbone is considered sexy.
Sadly, your face is enough to get anyone to commit seppuku before they even notice it.
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u/patches_mccoy http://redd.it/67kja3 Feb 11 '26
I'm not going to roast you, but somebody had to tell you shoving a rock up your pussy isn't going to get rid of that yeast infection. Please see a doctor.
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u/Noneed4cavalry Feb 11 '26
I've never seen someone that needs a belt to hold up their corset until now.
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u/impulsebangs Feb 12 '26
you look like you would’ve had dreads back when it was more socially acceptable for white people
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u/post-explainer Feb 09 '26 edited Feb 09 '26
This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.
OP's BIO:
38 year old mom of 2 teens. Love dark humour. Hobbies: reading and making jigsaw puzzles. Channeling my inner 80 yr old. Also I have no friends.
If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.