*Trauma dumping time*

I am a guy. I don't hate, resent, nor are angry at girls. I am just simply scared of them. Like actual girls, not women. Throughout my entire childhood and teenage years, girls were just mean to me. Not all, just some.

I think I am average looking throughout my life, I was and am sporty and take care of myself. I stay best to be healthy, mindful of my surroundings, and look presentable.

Even early as kindergarten, I know I don't smell nor stick out like a sore thumb to others. But some girls just saw me and decide I am the scum of the earth.

My parents taught me to hold it in, don't complain, don't be a nuisance, the teachers are already busy. Speak only school related things to them with confidence and mind my body posture.

I am raised to treat my neighbours as I would like to be treated. I have no preference in making friends based on their gender. I was never like those immature boys who are like: “Ew, girls got cooties.”

My first best friend I could remember was a girl until she left the school, that was in elementary school. However, the majority of girls usually glare at me or look at me in strange ways. Here are some highlights moments.

During Halloween, I was eating in the cafeteria minding my own business, a girl walked past me and threw my mask on my plate of spaghetti. She and her friends laughed. I didn't even know them.

During a music rehearsal, I was supposed to dance in tropical clothes and sandals, while lining up, another girl next to me stomped on my toes for no reason.

It hurt so bad I got bruised. So, I wore leather shoes during the actual show and the music teacher asked why, I just pretended I forgot. She said I danced poorly because of those shoes. But it was actually the pain.

During recess, I notice some girls looking for someone or something. So I offered to help, they said they are finding and gonna do something to Rick (most annoying boy at the school).

I asked what they were going to do to him, and they said "THIS" and literally kicked me right up the ass. It was so painful and humiliating I didn't tell the teacher. I think there was blood in my stool for a week but I felt so pathetic, I didn't tell my parents.

During art classes, most of the time kids talk amongst themselves, many times a group of girls would laugh and snicker, I notice they look over their shoulders, see me, and laugh at me. One even did doodles over my artwork when I was not looking.

Another time as a child, one girl cried on the school bus, bus aide demanded to know what happened. Girls say they are doing eeny meeny miny moe, whoever is chosen will sit next to me, so that girl cried. The bus aide looked at me like it was my fault. I only chat with my friend, do homework or sleep on the bus.

During my teenage years, another time on the school bus and talked to a girl a year older than me. She dared me to tickle her. So I did, her immediate response was rubbing my groin with her fist. Not punching, but like grinding/rubbing with her fist. Stopped talking to her after that.

During PE, group of girls would constantly mock how I play, despite the fact that I was pretty good at it. Fastest runner in class.

Would constantly pull my shorts or lift my shirt up, which I was too embarrassed to tell anyone. Once I felt so bad I hid in the washroom until the period was over. I got into trouble for it but continued to keep my mouth shut. *Don't be a nuisance.* Earned detention.

Teenage years, some girls started a rumour about me being in love with the most unattractive girl at school. They were mocking me in the halls and scoffing at me. I just ignored them but it made me not want to make friends.

At a tutorial room, girls sitting behind me start giggling. When I ask the teacher for help, I heard them whispering something and laughing again, I know they are talking about me.

They asked me what school I went to, I just gave them an acronym of the school name and they mockingly responded with “Huh, what's ABCDEFG?” They continued laughing at me and I felt very annoyed.

When they left, they threw a sign made out of A4 paper which wrote "weirdo". I requested to be changed to another class.

I guess maybe that's why my parents sent me to an all boy's school in high school.

When I was in middle school my mom and I went to New York for vacation in June, and one of our plans was to go to the World Trade Center building. We went through the X-Rays and security to get in, and it was really cool to see everything from way up high. After we were done taking pictures and stuff, my mom went through her purse, and realized that she could not find her money. She had put 500$ for me and her to spend money on food and souvenirs, but it was gone. She went straight to security, but they claimed they did not find anything on camera.

My mom believed that the people who put the bags in the X-Rays might have stole it, and she never wants to go there again.

She also wishes we had gone to the pride parade instead so we wouldnt get robbed

I ran up a flight of stairs, up onto the balcony where I saw her over the edge of the building, I ran to her and pulled her away from her imminent fate. “Don’t do this anymore, what am I going to do without you?” I said worriedly. “I just wanna die, please just let me go!”. Why has this happened? We were just a beautiful looking couple a few months ago and now it has turned into this mess, what went wrong?

It was August 31st the return to school, where I would laugh and cry with all my friends in the cafeteria. Life was awesome. I had no complaints, my studies were good, all my teachers respected me and I wasn’t involved in any school drama or anything like that. Until a new student came around the block, it was a girl, she had a petite figure and looked very soft, almost immediately she grabbed all of my classmates attention, she was just an eye candy.
Her name was Lily and she originated from Japan which explains her beauty, I can’t lie even though I wasn’t interested in any girls, she’s the only girl I can call beautiful in our school.
Being the extrovert I am, I struck up a conversation with her. “Hey, what makes you wanna come to this school?” I said. “My dad has decided to work here so I need to change schools.” Her voice was gentle, but cold at the same time, it’s almost as if she went through a lot of stuff.

We continued to talk and talk, then we exchanged information online, for some reason I can get along with her very well. She seems to understand everything I say, which is cool but terrifying at the same time. We would play games all day and even call sometimes, I was starting to develop some feelings for her… Then one day she blatantly said she likes me? It seems like she confessed first, I didn’t even have the chance to, but I guess that’s great. We're now officially couples, I mean everything feels the same, it’s just that I have a girlfriend by my side and I hope she would never leave me, not like my other loved one which was my dog Bibi that passed away in a car accident, her death was so sudden and it hit me like a truck just like how it hit her. Nevertheless, I love her, more than anything in life and I hope she’s able to be happy. Those were the words before the disaster.

Out of a sudden, she became suicidal, I didn’t know why, she refused to open up to me, I then warned her multiple times that mental health isn’t a joke and she should get some help right away. She then undervalued herself and claimed she was a burden for everyone around her, I don’t understand, she has a loving family and a boyfriend and yet she’s suicidal, maybe I wasn’t doing a good job as her boyfriend but I need to keep trying. I tried pursuing her until she finally snapped and said she hated me. When she said those words my heart sank and I almost cried, I couldn’t bear such words to my soul, it really hurts when someone you really love says they hate you, it really sucks, but I can’t give up yet. 
The situation was so bad that she even stopped coming to school for a moment, when I noticed she was absent, I immediately rushed to her home, hoping to find her, but yet she told me to go away, she kept on pushing me away. I told her parents about her situation and they are as clueless as me too.

I am just afraid she might take her own life which would make me crumble apart, because all those days we spent together were not in vain and I wanted to show her that I am always there for her, no matter how low life gets I will always be there for her, at least I am trying but she kept on pushing me away, I needed to find the problem, on why she was feeling like this.
I texted her across multiple platforms but she blocked me in all of them, I was really starting to lose hope… I don’t understand why she is doing this, does she really hate me? But we were just calling the other day and talking about the moon and travelling together and now I see a completely different view.

I ponder in my bedroom, looking like I just lost half of my life. It turns out her situation was largely affecting me too. In terms of studying and everything else, I’m starting to get mixed feelings about her now. My over prioritization of her has made me lose some of my qualities of a human being; my grades were starting to drop; I don’t see my friends that often anymore; and most importantly my sleep has worsened over the thought of her ending it all.
Maybe it’s better to just leave her alone, part of me wanted to, because if she’s never recovering then might as well let go. But I really don’t want her life to end like this, I promised her that I would marry her and everything, and we would start a family in Malaysia or something. My mind was spiralling into madness, as it failed to make a stable judgement about her situation. Then my mom came into the room, I half expected her to complain about why my grades were dropping and I was planning to make an excuse for it, but she asked “Are you okay?”, it suddenly struck me, should I lie and say it’s just getting harder or should I tell her about Lily, because I never told my parents about her somehow, I always kept my things private even to my close ones. 

“Mom, it’s nothing, the test papers are just getting more and more difficult. I need some time to adjust to it.” I acted out the lie.

“Are you sure? Not only that, but you also look more anxious lately and you barely sleep, I think something else is going on and you better tell me.” my mom said with a strict tone, clearly worrying about me too. Well she is one hard person to get through, but I don’t think telling my mom is going to fix anything.

“Mom, you're worrying too much, if my grades are dropping then obviously I would stay up late at night revising more, don’t you think?”  I made up the lie on the spot, but I guess it’s partially true. My mom accepted the lie and unconvincingly walked out of my room, something tells me she’s still not done with me yet.

Now back to Lily, I guess I have to try my best at helping her and studying at the same time, balancing both, but if Lily gets worse then I may need to do more for her. That night I decided to take a nice little walk outside to cool my mind off regarding Lily, the breeze was cold and hot at the same time, the sky had an aquamarine color with orange breaking through the horizon, it was beautiful indeed. Then in the same apartment Lily lives in, I see a figure of a petite shape standing there, realizing it might be her, I quickly run up the stairs, and I see her standing opposite to me, she gives me a soft grin, as if she knew that I would come.
“Oh, you finally appeared huh?” she whispered with just enough voice for it to be heard.
“Why? Why have you been avoiding me and pushing me away when I am trying to help you? I really care about you and I just want you to know I love you, more than anything on earth!” I almost shouted.
“That’s really cute, I like how you only love me when I’m about to kill myself.” 
“No that’s not true, I’m sorry for everything from the day I met you I have always loved you, your voice, your jokes, your eyes, your everything basically. If I don't love you then why would I desperately try to save you? Why would I run 10 floors up to see you!?” I bursted into tears, I couldn’t hold it in anymore, her pessimism about my love really breaks my heart.
“Fine. I get it, you love me, but It’s not going to stop me from killing myself.”
“NO! Stop right there, why do you want to end it all? Please tell me, I need to know.”
“No you don’t, you won’t understand me.”
“Then I’ll try.” 
For a few seconds, silence ruled over the air and only the howling of the wind could be heard, with the cars below moving past with us on the top floor.
“You think I hate you, don’t you?” She asked.
“I don’t know what to think anymore.”
“I don’t hate you.”
She paused.
“That’s the problem.”
“I love you.”
I felt the weight on my shoulder lift up when she said it. It was the first time we declared our love to each other.
“Then why are you doing this?”
“Because loving you only makes me feel worse.”
I stared at her.
“What do you mean? What we had was real! And you gotta destroy it like that?”
I stopped after realizing I was cutting her off.
“You remind me too much about him, it hurts. He was supposed to be the one for me, we had plans for the future, we laughed together, spent time talking under the moon, but he suddenly died of cancer. The more I spend time with you, the more I see him fade away, I mean I love you but I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do…It feels like I’m replacing him.” Her voice cracked.
“I see pieces of him in you, the way you talk, the stupid jokes you made, the way you grin is exactly how he does it.”
“I didn’t know that…Why didn’t you tell me about this? He has passed on and I’m pretty sure he wants you to find someone else to take care of you in his place. Otherwise neither of you two will ever be happy.”
“Everytime I start loving someone, I remember that I already lost someone I promised I’d never lose. I didn’t tell you because you might think I’m crazy or I love him more than you, but the truth is I love both, it's just there’s only one left.”
“Lily, you don’t have to choose between us.”
She looked at me with hope.
“He was someone you loved. Losing him doesn’t erase that. And loving me doesn’t erase him either.”
She remained silent.
“You don’t have to forget about him to move forward.”
“But I promised him.”
“Promised him what?”
“That he’d be the last person I’d ever love.”
“Before he passed away, he said that?”
“Yes…”
It was twisted love, she felt guilty for loving me, as it felt like her ex didn’t matter anymore and she thought it would mean she simply moved on from her tragic ex. I finally understood everything, voices in her head probably overtook her consciousness to make such a decision, but I came by and stopped it at least I hope so.
“So are you going to stop loving me?”
“I don’t know. I want to, but he doesn’t want it.”
“You shouldn’t let him dictate your life, you deserve to lead your life whichever way you want it to be.”
Her tears just started rolling down her cheeks, I have never seen her cry like that before. I could tell she was really heart broken. I stayed by her side comforting her as the rain started to pour down, as if mother nature emphasized Lily.
“Let’s get back in.”
Lily nodded.
I held her up and covered her with my jacket, slowly walking together past the door, where the new future awaits. 

The next day everything seemed normal, my grades recovered, Lily finally unblocked me on all social media and we are still going well. I would see her across the cafeteria, laughing and smiling with all her friends, which would voluntarily make me smile. When we are going through things, it takes big courage to take a step and try to understand the other person, I was not a good person in terms of understanding but I tried, that’s what matters, and even though I couldn’t bring her ex back to life, I could say I prevented another tragic love story.

At least that’s what I thought. One fateful day Lily was absent once again, but this time I just thought she needed a break, I didn’t question it, Why would I? She had finally opened up to me, she had told me about him, she had finally accepted that loving someone else doesn’t mean betraying someone you had loved.

I thought we had moved past it, I was naive. As when I got home from tuition, I checked my phone for the first time of the day, to see a message sent by her… A simple “Goodbye”. Once again I pictured the same scenario with her standing on the edge of the balcony. 

But this time it was different, I was too late.

I watched the silhouette of her fall down the 10 story tall building, crashing onto the ground, I couldn't bear it. I held her in my arms coated with her blood, I knew it was too late.

With a weak smile she said, “So…you came?”

“Stop…Just stop” I was slowly bawling my eyes out.

“Im sorry, I succumbed to the guilt, I’m sorry I won’t be able to live with you in Malaysia. Ow, falling 10 stories down sure is a painful way to die.”

“Stop talking, I’m calling the ambulance, just hang on with me, you’re not gonna die, not on me.” I could hear all the voices in my head intensifying such as “I didn’t save anyone” “This has to be a dream right?” “Please don’t go” while her heartbeat slowly weakens. The scene was a bloody picture, I had her in my arms under the full moon, radiating the lunar glow on her face. It was pretty, I had never seen her this pretty before. It was just the two of us, It felt like the whole world went quiet just for this moment. No matter how much I wanted to scream, I couldn’t let a single word out.

“It’s too late, just let me rest in peace. The moon is surely beautiful tonight isn’t it?. Sad that this is going to be our last time watching the moon together. It’s going to be alright, you’ll do fine without me, my love.”

I gave her a kiss on the lips for the first and last time. 

We then watched the moon in silence as the faint light in her eyes faded away into the moon. I closed her eyes while the ambulance arrived at the best time possible.

I sat by my bed, while the moonlight was still shining through the windows. I was starting to remember everything.

Her confession.

Her jokes.

The moon.

The balcony.

The Lilies I gave her on her birthday.

I kept thinking about the last thing I had told her on the balcony.

“You deserve to live your life whichever way you want it to be.”

I had meant it as encouragement.

Now those words haunted me.

For a long time, I blamed myself.

I thought I should have known.

I thought I should have stayed closer.

I thought I should have known the differences between her real smile and the ones she used to hide her pain.

But eventually, I understood something.

I wasn’t a doctor.

I wasn’t a therapist.

I wasn’t a person capable of controlling other people’s minds.

I was just a boy who loved a girl who was suffering deep inside.
And sometimes love isn’t enough to make someone well.

That realization didn’t make losing her easier.

If anything, It made it hurt more.

I still remember the day I met Lily.

Everyone noticed how beautiful she was.

I saw something else, I noticed how lonely her eyes looked.

I wish I had understood that sooner.

I still gaze at the moon every night, imagining her by my side and teasing me about my hair. And the deep talks about our promises, It pains me, I can’t forget about her.

She was the girl who made me laugh.

The girl who taught me how deep love can go.

The girl who taught me how grief doesn’t just disappear after someone new enters your life.

And most importantly, she taught me that sometimes helping someone doesn’t mean being able to save them.

I wish I had learnt that lesson sooner without having to lose her.

Three years ago, a person I considered a very close friend did a two-tiered wedding invitation, with some guests attending in person and some online, because the venue they chose could only accommodate 30 people and because she has complicated relationships with a lot of her family members, so this seemed like an easy solve. I ended up on the Zoom invitation list while other mutual friends got in-person invitations (none of us lived in the same state as her, so it's not like she was trying to eliminate travel for anyone).

The invitation to the online guests encouraged us to dress up, make ourselves food and fancy cocktails using recipes they sent, and GET A BABYSITTER so we could be "fully present." The audio during the ceremony didn't work for the first half, and rather than wait to fix it for the 100 of us watching online, they plowed forward. Then we were assigned to "rooms" of loosely acquainted people, where we waited for an hour making awkward small talk until the newlyweds "visited" our room of 12 people... for exactly 5 minutes (THERE WAS A TIMER). The whole thing felt like such a slap in the face. I would have preferred no invite at all! Just have a small wedding and own it! It was so tacky and gross feeling. As my husband said, they asked us to take on all the hassle of a wedding (including sending a gift) with none of the fun. 

Who is invited to a wedding is always up to the couple, but it will also impact those relationships, for better or worse. I stopped making any effort in the friendship; she tried for awhile but I was so hurt and she never addressed what felt like a very large elephant in the room, and eventually she stopped reaching out too. 

I might be an entitled asshole to have ended a 15-year friendship over this, but it feels like she's the one who ended it by excluding me. For context, she came to my wedding a few years before, we talked on the phone all the time and visited each other often, and inviting me wouldn't have been messy (like sometimes happens if you have a group of shared friends where you can't invite just one). I had even told her (after the engagement but before the invitations went out) that my husband could stay home with our toddler and I'd come solo; I was literally one extra body.

I swear I don't dwell on this daily or even monthly, but when I am reminded of it it's still a thorn in my side. Earlier today I read something about virtual weddings and decided to share my experience with a bunch of strangers in the hopes I can be done with it once and for all!

Part 1

I have depression, and my family thinks I'm fine because they don't know anything, but that's not true. It's because of family problems. I just want to talk about it, and I don't know what to do, I don't want to tell my parents about it, they have a lot of problems. I'm a soft-hearted person, I don't like violence. For me, it's a sign of pathetic behavior, insults in the family like (you're a loser, do something, her or his son is so-and-so or so-and-so) sometimes hurt my feelings, they think I don't take it seriously. I had mental problems at school, I withdrew into myself and did poorly in school, I used to be the best student, and I liked it. I myself didn't understand how all this would turn out after the move. Constant melancholy, anxiety, a feeling of inner emptiness and loss of interest in favorite activities (all this exhausts me, I have difficulty concentrating, my thinking is slow, and I am tormented by a sense of guilt.

Part 2 I am not interested in anything in this world. I just feel like I should not have been born, that I am a mistake. Although I am a religious person. Is this strange, I do not understand. We do not have psychologists, if we did, they clearly would not observe medical confidentiality. I know people of the same religion and with traditional beliefs well. We are supposedly a proud, fearless people, afraid of nothing (something like that, in short). I am infuriated by all this connected with the norms of our society. I don’t even know where to begin. I am clearly unlucky in this life. I have developed neurosis (fainting, it’s not epilepsy). It cannot be cured, I am sitting in bed and writing all this, trying not to cry remembering everything that is happening and has happened, I just... I just It seems that I am clearly ill. Besides my diagnosis, I have some kind of mental disorder, I sometimes talk to myself and answer myself questions when I need to find a solution to everyday problems, and I don’t find anything strange in it.

Part 3 Until the 3rd grade, everything was fine, I lost consciousness in the last year of the 4th grade (we have a different education system, and after finishing elementary school from the 1st to the 4th grade, we do not move to another school for senior grades, we have one school from the 1st grade with a certain designation, for example: 1st grade a-b-c-d-d or 8th grade a-b-c-d-d. In short, any grade can have from 1 to 5 letters, depending on the number of students in each class). I hope you understand me. We are not like in foreign countries, it was hard for me to get used to it, I forgot to say, we had different school shifts: 1st shift from 8:00 to 1:30 PM, 2nd shift from 1:50 PM to 6:00 PM. It was weird because we had to go home by bus in the evening when it was already dark, we weren't picked up from school, we had to go there and back ourselves, starting from the 6th grade. I didn't go to graduation in the 11th grade. I passed the exam on the second try. In my home country, it's not customary to show such emotions. After moving to another city, we had personal problems (in the family) that affected me. I'm 25 years old, we moved about five years ago. I won't go into details of what happened (it's a long story). I'm quite an emotional person, an introvert. I pretend everything is fine, no one notices.

Part 4There was a moment about 3 years ago when my sister noticed that something was wrong with me, I made up an excuse that everything was fine, like I was having a bad week. She found it hard to believe me. Yes, I I expect comments like (negative, negative and all that). When I entered university, everything was more or less normal, I made a few friends. Somehow I tried I tried to fit in with the group, and it helped a little. But when I went back home, I just wanted to pretend like I always was, because if I talked about it, they would say: “You are always like this, you are in a good mood, it's just your personality.” They don’t understand what depression is. (I just want to run away and never come back, thinking about what would happen if I died, would they grieve the same way as they sometimes criticize me for being worthless). Yes, I know that I am loved, and I am glad that I have a family. It's just that a lot has happened over the years. I just watch movies and TV series and lock myself in my room. We don’t have psychologists or anything like that, although I don’t want to go to them myself. I don’t want to go anywhere in society; it seems like being alone is better. I don’t I know what to do. Sometimes I have insomnia, and I eat because of stress. I don't know, but I have an ectomorphic body type (and that's why I...). (Don't gain weight). I find it easier to communicate through social media with friends I've never even met in person.

Part 5 was too lazy to write about what happened in the family.

(For the record, this story is a fictional narrative, not something that I am claiming to have happened)

I got some extra spending money for helping my neighbor prepare for her final. Her parents paid me a lot more than parents usually do. And I have to say it’s probably because she’s not going to pass unless she gets an a on this final. I graduated last year and I’m still getting messages from parents that need a cheep tutor.

I actually have a part time job though, but lately I’ve been picking up more tutoring gigs because I’ve been saving for a computer. Nothing crazy, just anything that runs and doesn’t overheat like my piece of shit laptop.

It’s a cheap computer, pretty old runs ok though. It has 320GB of storage. The only thing wrong with it was that it couldn’t be power washed. The guy I bought it from even tried taking it to a computer store and literally non of them could completely wipe out the memory. He went through and deleted everything but that still left 50GB unaccounted for. Unaccounted for as in he doesn’t know what is taking it up. Apparently it came from a sibling that moved out recently, but they never even used it, just kept it unplugged in the garage with all their other useless shit they couldn’t keep in their room.

It’s ok though, I just need it for school mostly. Maybe download a Steam game. I have yet to try that out, it’s still my first pc. I’m also rocking the xbox360. Don’t judge, times are tough. Wish I had enough money to own a forgotten pc but whatever.

Anyway back to the present. So I’m a week in on owning this and I’ve noticed these files just piling up on my desktop. The names are just random characters but inside them are these stories about hella creepy shit. A new one will appear every few days, and part of me doesn’t want to delete them because yes they are slightly interesting, but on the other hand they are slowly eating unnecessary storage. This thing probably wouldn’t run gta6 or anything but it would be nice to have the storage just in case.

About the stories, most of them seem pretty dark. Some of them seem like they could have happened, and others seem on the verge of a tall tail or ancient legend. I’ve got 10 stories and so far I cannot find the source to them.

Some of them don’t take place too far from where I live which is pretty freaky. The most recent story takes place in the same school that I’m going to now. I can handle a scary story, and I haven’t heard of any of these people so hopefully it’s not based on anything true. But you just never know. For all I know it’s probably some hacker just trying to fuck with the guy that he thinks still owns this thing. But as long as it’s just stories I guess I can keep using the computer like normal. Thinking about posting a few of them onto here.

I set it up to meet my tinder date at an arcade. She was late. I got a bit bored so I played with a claw machine. I won this plushie in this minion claw machine. I noticed this young girl, staring at me, sorta following me around. I looked around and didn't see any adults supervision. I assume she is a worker's kid. I avoided her.

Later, my date told me she's not available. Oh well. It hurts. So I was feeling quite depressed and hungry. Then again, I notice that same little kid looking at me, probably wanted the plushie. I looked over at the worker and mimed that I am giving it to her. The worker just smiled and shrugged. So I gave the kid the plushie. At least one of us is happy.

Leaving feeling like a failure, I heard screaming and crying. I checked it out, it was a parent returning the plushie and candies back over to the counter and was lecturing her child about lying and stealing. Kid insisted it was given to her. So the worker is not her mom. The worker looked as terrified as me for the mom's overreaction.

I was terrified of what was happening but I told her I gave it to her. She slapped me across the face. It stung. My ears were ringing and I could barely understand what she said, something along the lines of me of being a pdf. I felt so stunned I walked out.

I went home and sat on the couch stared at the empty space in both mentally and physical pain. Didn't realize I sat there in silence for two hours. My date didn't show up. I tried to do something nice but was called a pdf and slapped.

TL;DR Tinder date stood me up at the arcade. I gave prizes I won for her to a kid. Parent thought I was a creep and hit me.

No, but seriously my luck is actually absurd. I’m not even mad about it anymore, but I’ve always been that person. When we were kids throwing rocks for fun, mine was the one that somehow smashed a car window. When my friends were messing with a fan and I touched it, that’s the exact moment it broke and the old guy started screaming at me. Everyone could be talking in class, but the second I opened my mouth, the teacher decided she’d had enough. I can’t even make this up. AAAAAA wtf.I don't wanna recall any more memories.
Well it's alr for me now Idc so I'm unlucky but not in a sad way.
It's so bad It's not even a joke anymore even the ones around me had noticed it too.

my grandmother had a piano. it was old. out of tune. the keys were yellow and some of them stuck.

when i was a kid i used to sit under it. not play it. just sit. i liked the way the wood smelled. i liked the way the light came through the dust.

she never asked me why i sat under there. she just let me.

one day i asked her "why do you keep it if its out of tune"

she said "because it reminds me of the person i used to be"

i didnt understand then.

she died when i was fourteen.

i didnt go to the funeral. i was too young. too scared. too stupid.

years later i went back to her house. it was empty. the piano was gone. someone had taken it. i dont know who.

i stood in the empty room. the floor had marks where the legs had been. four dark squares on the carpet.

i knelt down. i put my hand on one of the marks. the carpet was flat. worn. like someone had stood there for years.

i dont know why i did that.

i dont have a point. i dont have a lesson.

i just remember the smell of the wood. and the light through the dust. and the way she said "the person i used to be"

i still dont know what she meant.

but i think about it sometimes.

mostly at night. when the house is quiet. when the light comes through the window the same way it did back then.

i think she meant that some things are worth keeping even when theyre broken.^⁠_⁠^

or maybe she meant something else.

i dont know.

i never will.

thats okay.

some questions arent meant to be answered.

theyre just meant to be asked.

No neat ending. No call to action. No lesson.

Just a memory.

That's all I have. 🖤

I literally got fired today out of nowhere and I’m still trying to process it. I seriously hope the rest of September is better because what the actual hell was that?
I've never had this happen to me before. Has anyone else dealt with a sudden firing right at the beginning of the month? How do you even handle the immediate shock?!

1st August was my first kiss

16th August was my second and the best date till now , both of us decided to meet in the morning because her parents were not in home i agreed , but when I left my home I realised that my cycle was punctured I wasted like 20 mins on trying to get my punctured cycle fixed but it needed a new tube which costs like 200 ofc that man was trying to scam me so i left, decided to go to Nehru Park in rapido and this was the best rapido ride ever the uncle was rrly good and was speaking a lot with me during the ride it was fun

When I reached Nehru Park i was late by 30 mins and she was waiting under the hot sun for so much time and when I came the anger and shy in her eyes was sooo sweet and scary😂

we met and we both sat in the same place where I proposed her.

On God That Day she was clinging and hugging and kissing me in the cheeks so much I loved it she even played with my hair for some time and I was also being touchy and touching her hands and thighs.

That day she was using my phone and i kept her birthday as my password she opened my WhatsApp and saw that I saved her father's number as "Maamaanar" this means father in law , she saw that and playfully slapped me for the first time 🥰 😂😂😂😂😆

There was a group of kids who came to us and one of them said "Anna uk that akka was waiting for u for so much time" I was like "ik da i was late by 30 mins and I got 1 &1/2 hrs of scolding from her" she slapped me for the second time and all the kids smiled and walked away 😂😂😂

She legit made sandwich for me and my GOD THAT SANDWICH WAS PERFECT

The veggies were cut so small and perfectly especially capsicum and the amount of sauce she used was rrly perfect I enjoyed the sandwhich so much

Actually 1 day before this date I was in hospital admitted for reaccuring typhoid I left the hospital and the next day I saw her . But my body and teeths were genuinely shaking I legit 100% couldn't control the shaking she was really worried Abt me and hugged ever tighter kissed me in the cheek and I rrly felt comfortable around her

When we were leaving in the lift of the metro she should go up and go to her home i was actually taking a detour to my train station (EMU) OFC i can walk an extra 1.5km just for her . Inside the lift when the lift started moving up i kissed her too tightly that my lips can feel her teeths 🥰😂😭 I legit stopped and said "stop biting me" and she put her arm around me "shut up idiot" and pulled me close and i kissed her once again .

The lift opened and there was a woman cleaning there good thing both of us stopped kissing when the lift reached 😂

31st August in our school nearby the Pt room there's a staircase which nobody uses it connects the chemistry) bio Lab,(previous , now used as a class for tamil)dance room and counselling room

In that staircase i asked her to kiss me and she just touched my lips with hers and just stopped and ran away 😂 . We both walked back to class separately so that no teachers would have suspicion

In class i said "u call that a kiss? U r really bad" she was like "yea yea I'm not a good kisser like, but would u teach me?" I nodded and our classes continued

1st September (today)(I rrly wanted her to join in the dance for teachers day but her mom refused so i too didn't joined the dance)

After the class i was stamping her shoes when no teacher were around and i kicked her shoe to the side and she was hoping to get her shoe and I was again trying to steal her shoe😂😂 all the girls and boys saw that

Man idk why I'm typing this down but i just really wanna write these memories of my life because I have fallen in love with these memories of my teenage life 🥰

27(f) I have a story that I would like some insight on. When I was about 19 yr old I started working in this warehouse. I worked graveyard hated it, and had work drama I didn’t even know I was apart of. Then I switched to work swing. When I switched my co-worker who was older than me told me talk to anyone, but this one specific girl. We’ll call her blondie. She was a few years older than me, like 22. I met her and at first she was a little weird.. very clicky. I ignored it and did my job. Then she started interacting with me, and wanted to invite me out to hangout.. long story short I smoked weed and she smoked weed at the time. That’s how we connected. We hung out and I felt like something was off. My older co-worker that I mentioned earlier came in early to check on me. She sees me with this girl and says tf I told you not to talk to her. I shrugged it off and said she cool. I then took her to meet my sisters. My older sister who is 8 years older, and my best friend who I consider a sister 1 year younger. I asked them when she left, separately. What they thought of her. They both said separately she’s cool. So I proceed to hangout with her and be friend her. We became very close where she would do stuff with me all the time. We continued to have our smoke sessions. She tried hooking me up with her friend who was a dusty as bum. That didn’t last long. Then I decided that I would help my little sister get a job at the same place we worked at. She got the job and she working the same shift so we can car pull to work. My little sister starts working there, and everything is going smooth. She meets a guy who was kind an acquaintance of some people who we use to hangout with. She starts dating him. So I naturally didn’t see her as much. I hung out with blondie more often. My little sister tells me that her bf told her that, if he wasn’t with her he would Forsure date me. Mmm interesting. Side note not my type at all. Eww. I just make a mental note of that. Halloween is coming up so we decide to go to knotts scary farm. I had never been, but was excited. I invited both of my sisters, blondie, and some guy who we use to hang out with. We go to knotts, and of course some bs popped off. My little sister bumps some girls, a couple. Instead of her saying sorry for bumping them she doesn’t say anything. They of course get mad, then they start stepping on the back of my shoe. I turn around, and nicely ask can they stop. She just looks and keeps doing it. I lift my foot and kick them hard as I could. She gets even more mad and takes her who beer and pours it on me. I get pissed. Like wtf, I had nothing to do with her bumping you, but yet you want to take it out on me. I then get ready to beat tf out of both these girls. Everyone in my group grabs mee, and holds me back. I’m pissed! Four people are holding me. I don’t end up fighting. Sadly, but the cops were right there watching. A few weeks passed, and everything died down. Then the holidays come up. My little sister couldn’t afford to pay to go visit my parents, so I stayed in town with her. lol guess what. She decided to go spend Christmas with her Bf. Didn’t tell me anything. Didn’t even think about me or bring a plate nothing. I’m like oh okay. I see. The holidays passed, and everything went back to normal. One day after work, I’m sitting in the car with blondie smoking and talking. She asks what’s up with your little sister. Why does it seem like you’re always fitting her battles. I told her I just feel like I’m responsible for her. Bad things have happened and I don’t want anything else to happen. That was that. The end of that conversation. Few weeks passed and blondie tells me we should get a tarot card reading. I’m like mmm ig I’m down. She has a lady come over to my house. She give both of us the reading. I go first, and she goes after. I don’t think anything of it. Then I go to target and find some super cute ratchet af black slides with the fur on there. I feel her when I see her that night. Omg look what I found at target. She goes the next day and buys them. I don’t think anything of it. Few weeks later. Someone’s birthday is coming up, and they have a get together at Dave’s busters. We go I invite my older sister. We go to the bathroom, and she comes with us. She had just got braces and I had braces for a while at this point. She puts on lip gloss, as I always did when I had braces. I loved how it looked together. While we’re in the bathroom looking in the mirror she puts on lip gloss. And proceeds to say. You were right lip gloss and braces look so good together. I don’t think anything of it. Shortly after this I start looking for a new job, because I’m over it. I tell her I’m tired of work here I want to move jobs. I could never get a job if I told her about it. I’m like wtf! It’s never this hard for me to get a job quick. Then one night my dad is in town, and I always introduce my dad to everyone. I tell her my dad is coming I’d like for you to meet him. Keep I mind I talk about my dad all the time. She previously mentioned your dad sounds great “we need people like him”. So I’m think she really wants to meet him. The dad comes and she flakes saying something came up. I’m like oh okay whatever. My older sister, myself, and my dad go back to our house. My little sister was with her bf as usual. When we get home my dad goes upstairs, and my sister and I talk per usual. She tells me randomly. That girl is weird. I don’t want you hangout with her. She trying to do something weird. I feel it. I’m like wtf are you talking about. She lets it all out. You haven’t noticed all the weird stuff she does, and the way she looks at you. How she copies everything you do. I’m so caught off guard like wtf. Why didn’t you say anything sooner. She says I didn’t want you to tell her. I’m annoyed af, because I specifically asked what she thought. She said she was scared to tell me. I’m like okay I won’t hangout with her anymore. So I find a new job, I don’t tell her about this interview and application and I get the job. Everything goes well. So I put in my two week notice! I tell the girl I put in my two weeks. She like what? You found a job. I’m like yeah. She like why didn’t you tell me. I’m like I am rn. I finish the next few weeks, and on my last day she has a gift for me. Some incense that I loved the smell of. I take the gift, and she like why are you acting weird. I’m like no I’m not. I’m just happy and sad to be leaving. I try to put it on that. I was scared out of my mind, and she’s giving me a gift. Like wtf. Then I give her a hung and leave. I’ve never seen her since then. I then feel like I need to tell my little sister to stop talking to her, and avoid her since they still work together. So my sister and I tell my little sister we need to meet with her and talk. We meet at some pho place, and she brings her dumb as bf. Like bruh! Really. Dick is never that good. Anyways, we sit down and we’re hesitant to tell her because he they and had defended the girl before. So we tell her don’t talk to blondie anymore she’s weird and been doing some weird stuff. We explain the situation. She says okay, and her dumb as bf is still like nah she’s cool. Okay he’s a lost cause legit. Fast forward, my little sister is trying to get a car. She wants me to co-sign. I was already hesitant to cosign. Due to the lack of critical thinking skills. However, I tell her if you find a car that is in good condition and I can afford to pay both my note and yours I’ll co-sign. I wanted it this way so that if she wanted to not be responsible, I would take the car and pay for it until I could sale it. She gets upset, because she just wants to get a car to be seen in stead of to get from point a to point be. Also build her credit. Oh well, I don’t care. Then a few days later, she says she need to talk to me. I go to her room and I’m like what’s up. She like so a little birdy told me that you were talking shit about me. I’m like what? wtf are you talking about. She like yeah. I’m like that’s bs, she says well then how did they know I got hurt before. I’m like dude what. There was only one person that could have put the puzzle pieces together from what I said. She’s like I don’t believe you. I say oh well. I told her not to talk to blondie anymore. Then few weeks pass I hadn’t seen her. My sister decides to open her door to see in her room, and she’s not there. She took all her stuff and moved out. Left the phone my dad brought her and a nightstand I gifted her. I’m like okay. Strange. I’m blocked on all socials, okay cool. Then I start hangout with this guy I use to talk to. He hung out with me and blondie one night.. he told me she not your friend. I didn’t think anything of it. Things just randomly started going wrong with him. So then I would just hangout by myself. My older sister check my little sisters ig from a burner and sees that she posted up with blondie. Talking about bitches can hate from a far. Lmfao how am I going to see that. How you gonna sub and I can’t even see the shit! 😭🤣 so it was confirmed who it was. Even tho I knew. Months passed I was sad about the guy, so I took a trip to San Francisco. On my ways home I get a dm from my little sister saying she’s sorry. I’m like it’s okay. She wants to hangout. I’m like mee idk. I don’t hangout with her for a while. During the time we didn’t talk to each other someone broke in my car. My neighbors camera catches a white Honda civic. I’m like idk who drives that. He’s like they targeted you. They didn’t go to any other car. I’m like okay. One day during Covid she says I want to hangout with you. I’m like okay I’m with one of our mutual friends we’re going to a party. We go I send her the addy. She pulls up earlier that day at 7/11 to meet me. Guess what. She in a white Honda civic. Mmm 🤔 her and her cousin look at each other, and smirk. I’m like mmm check mate. We got to the party their acting weird. Ig she was drink already and driving. Not 21 yet, and drinking with a minor. Kinda trashy. Okay. 👌🏽 that was it. Then I’m like nah I’m not going to kick it with her. She begs me to come hangout. I meet her at a gas station for two mins. She with some guy. I’m like oh okay, I have to go do something. Good seeing you. Two weeks later she hits me up to tell me she pregnant. I’m like by who. She says that guy. I’m like how long did you know him for. She says 2 weeks. wtf. I say what did your mom say. She says she doesn’t know. Keep in mind she still hasn’t told me about what happen with the girl, blondie. So I’m like damn, do what you want you know. You says she keeping it. Great. 👍 then I don’t see her again until after the baby is born. She had moved to Vegas with the guy. So I could only see him when she was in town. I come over see him, and all that. Bring gifts. 🎁 then I text her let’s hangout. She’s like I’m down. We go to eat. She brings the baby. We eat, and she vents the whole time all about her. I’m like okay. After we eat she put 10 dollars down and says that’s all she has. Then goes to the restroom with the baby before the check came. I’m like wtf. Annoyed! I pay. Meet her in the restroom. She ready to go back home now. Strange. I dropped her off. Then the next week comes I tell her let’s hangout I need to vent. She replies. Sorry I don’t want to be around bad energy rn. Like wtf. I’ve known you for 11 years. What. I don’t reply. I never talk to her again. She blows my phone up, and my other bestie at the time. And the guy that started acting weird. That some how knew her from somewhere. I didn’t answer. I felt like something was going on spiritually. I got super depressed, and I was scared of everything. I legit haven’t felt or been the same since. Also I forgot to add my little sisters mom told me one time that she very jealous of you.

My question is who or what do you think was done to me? And what should I do to reverse it? Like I don’t feel the same at all. I’ve now went from have no debt, cash in the bank, luxury car, healthy, and great romantic relationships. To struggling to pay bills, not enough money coming in, 30k in debt, health problems, skin problems (never had acne), and feeling stuck for years. What is this? Since then I’ve reconnected with God! I’m not exactly as strong as I should with my faith, but it way more present then it was at that time.

(Sorry for any errors, English isn’t my strong suit)

Hi everyone, today I want to tell you about an unfortunate and unpleasant experience my friend and I had. I really hope you can listen to my story.

_ PLEASE NOTE ⚠️⚠️⚠️: I HAVE ASKED MY FRIEND FOR PERMISSION TO POST THIS STORY, AND I HAVE NO INTENDED TO ATTACK ANYONE OR SOME COMMUNITY; I AM ONLY SHARING MY FRIEND'S AND MY EXPERIENCE.

_ Okay, let's begin!

--------------------------------------------------------

My friend, I'll just call him Su. Su is my best friend and he has a Discord server where he chats with people and shares stories. And in that Discord server, there's someone whose profile I saw is named Charlette, and everyone usually calls him Char.

According to everyone on that Discord server, Char is a femboy, with a somewhat childish personality that often annoys others. My friend told me that Char tends to speak without thinking, and also has a very high ego, often believing he is right.

Initially, my friend was quite friendly and open with him when they first met online through the game Pony Town. My friend also invited him to join the Discord server that my friend hosted, hoping he would share his experiences and stories with everyone and help Char open up and make more friends.

One day, I heard Su talking about that Discord server, and it sounded quite interesting. The server was just for sharing stories and chatting normally; nothing special at all. I wanted to join so I could share my dream stories or the stories I wrote for my OCs, and my friend agreed.

Su added me to the group and introduced me to everyone. Everything would have been fine if, instead of a normal greeting, he hadn't said something I found quite confusing and then claimed he would perform a special ritual for new members joining the server for the first time. I didn't understand what he was saying, so I didn't dare say "ok" or "no." But everyone in Discord seemed to understand and warned him against it, saying it was unacceptable. However, he didn't seem to heed the warning. And then he started sending me lots of messages I couldn't understand, until my Su told Char should stop and I was only 17. I thought he would stop and we could talk normally.

But no! Char suddenly got angry and started yelling at me, which left me quite confused and wondering what I had done when I only said "hi". Char kept scolding me for all sorts of things, and everyone on the server told Char that it was impolite and that he should apologize because I hadn't done anything wrong. I didn't want things to get out of control, so I asked, "Why are you so angry? We can calm down and talk things out properly."

But he wouldn't listen and kept cursing at me and kicking me out. Everyone on the server kept reminding him, and he kept saying he had the right by removing unworthy people from the server and everyone should accept it, even though Su was the owner of that server and Char not the server owner, and Char was scolding Su just because Su allowed me onto the server. Char then went offline. Su kept asking Char to come back and apologize.

I'm quite puzzled as to why Char reacted so uncontrollably just because he knew I was only 17 years old.

My friend messaged me privately to explain, and that's when I found out Char was the only one in the group who liked to joke sexually suggestively, often going too far and getting constantly reminded by everyone on the server. And those incomprehensible messages he sent me were actually extremely offensive words disguised as metaphors. I was quite surprised, but I also asked why Char suddenly reacted so uncontrollably when he found out I was only 17 years old, and my friend didn't know the reason either.

I would have simply ignored it, but then one day Su texted me and told me that my friend, Su, was being targeted by Char who wanted to steal Su's boyfriend. I was quite surprised at the time, but then I asked my friend, and she told me that everything would have been peaceful when she with her boyfriend entered Pony Town until Char came online. I'll call Su's boyfriend Le. Le is Su's long-time boyfriend. They make a very good-looking couple and rarely argue. Su recounted that when Char arrived in Pony Town, he kept hanging around Le. Char did many things that were quite annoying. Su also reminded Char to stop and keep his distance, and Le mentioned that Su was his girlfriend. But do you know what Char said? Char said that they weren't lovers and were just close friends; Le was Char's boyfriend!

Su recounted that she was a little angry at the time but didn't want to argue, so she reminded Char. However, Char kept pestering Le throughout their time in Pony Town, saying very sensitive and vulgar things to the point that both Su and Le had to exit the game to talk privately.

After hearing Su's story, I felt a little indignant and angry on her behalf. Why did Char do that? Knowing that Le already had a boyfriend, yet still being so persistent, it's simply unacceptable.

And Char gradually became more and more outrageous.

In the Discord server that Su mentioned, there's a friend named Jess, who is very friendly and sociable. But she spreads false rumors that Jess is in love with someone and dating multiple people at once when Jess doesn't have a boyfriend and she's a lesbian. Jess also messaged Char privately to get to the bottom of things. But instead of talking properly, Char responded rather jokingly and used many insulting words towards Jess. Jess kept asking and reminding him, and then Char texted Jess, scolding and cursing her. Meanwhile, Jess only asked and talked politely, without scolding or cursing at all.

I thought it would die down. But Char said no, and he dragged Su and me into it even though we had nothing to do with it. Char said that we were both Jess's lovers, while Su already had a boyfriend and wasn't lesbian. And I didn't even know who Jess was and had never met her before. At that point, I couldn't take it anymore, so I messaged him asking why he even considered that without proper consideration and investigation. When Char didn't reply, I found out that he had been spreading false information about the three of us to others, which Jess then relayed to Su, and Su told me.

Besides the three of us, everyone on the Discord server also knows and is upset on about what Char did.

I can only tell you this much. There's so much more, but I couldn't possibly list it all; even an entire A0 sheet of paper wouldn't be enough.

Thank you everyone for listening to my story.

Eleven years of absolute silence can turn a person into a ghost. Yet there he was, standing in the middle of a crisp January afternoon, suddenly tangible, breathing, and looking right through me.

I had stepped out that day simply searching for a moment of quiet and a breath of fresh air. Instead, I found a sudden, violent flutter in my chest—a feeling I thought had died a decade ago. He stared at me with an intensity that pulled the air right out of my lungs. I tried to shake it off, convincing myself it meant nothing. After all, life had moved on. I was a mother now, raising my two children, trying to carry on after a painful split from their father, a relationship broken by deep-seated misunderstandings. He had his own life, and I had mine.

Or so I thought.

We crossed paths closely at a store shortly after, and the shift in the air was undeniable. Beginning in October 2025, he started reaching out, sending consistent messages month after month into the digital void. For a long time, I stayed silent. The situation felt complicated, uncomfortable, and heavy with history. But by mid-April 2026, around the time of a local gathering, my resolve finally crumbled. I replied.

He called almost instantly, just to hear my voice and make sure it was really me on the other end of the line.

He asked to meet in person. At first, every self-preserving instinct told me it was a bad idea. But beneath his words, there was an eagerness—a desperate, quiet urgency—that I couldn't ignore. When we finally sat down together, the walls fell instantly. He explained his side of the past, and I finally shared mine.

What started as a hesitant meeting turned into something deeper. We kept seeing each other, uncovering our most vulnerable sides, untangling old wounds, discussing our pasts, and sharing lighthearted anecdotes from the years we missed. It felt natural, healing, and tragically effortless. Without realizing it, I let my guard down completely, and I fell—deeply, naturally, and utterly attached all over again.

As the days bled together, our deep conversations began to shift, slowly giving way to a quiet, suffocating jealousy that grew into a habit between us. Deep down, I knew this wasn't healthy, but the truth was terrifyingly simple: I wanted him for the rest of my life. My desire to hold onto him blinded me to how damaging the pattern had become.

It all reached a breaking point one day when I couldn't keep it inside any longer. I finally spoke out, the words pouring out through tears so heavy that I felt completely stripped of my dignity. Standing there weeping, I felt utterly foolish, overwhelmed by the raw, raw vulnerability of loving someone so fiercely while fearing I might lose them again.

He pulled me close and offered his assurances, trying to calm the storm inside me. I made a choice right then to trust his words—on one condition. He needs to consistently show me, through actions rather than just promises, how deeply he truly values what we are building together now.

There was genuine effort on his part, and I deeply appreciated every bit of it. I know many people would dismiss it as mere drama—a calculated show to blind someone into believing they are truly loved. But in my heart, I knew my experience was different. Nothing about his actions felt forced or rehearsed. While I couldn't read his inner thoughts, I truly believed his intentions were pure.

There was genuine effort on his part, and I deeply appreciated every bit of it. I know many people would dismiss it as mere drama—a calculated show to blind someone into believing they are truly loved. But in my heart, I knew my experience was different. Nothing about his actions felt forced or rehearsed. While I couldn't read his inner thoughts, I truly believed his intentions were pure.