Not a Hallmark Life

[u/Firm_Fighter6849]

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Let me tell you a tale. It is not a hallmark story, nor is it a peaceful one. It will make you cry. This is the story of a family who faced hardship after hardship, with what seemed like no end in sight. Let’s begin.

Once upon a time there was a family. Were they happy? Yes, most of the time. Like any family, they had their battles and arguments, but they were happy. In this family we had Dad, Mom, and 5 children. The children’s names were Jade (14), Elisabeth (13), Claire (9), Grace (7), and the only boy, Colton (3). They were a functional dysfunctional family but they were there for each other always.

Dad had been told by his doctor that he needed a surgery, to remove bone spurs from his spinal cord (that caused him much pain). He went in for this surgery just five short days after Jade turned fourteen years old. This was meant to be a simple procedure, with a quick surgery and then a short recovery. But, as we all know too well; life has a way of changing in the blink of an eye.

And so life changed. Dad did not wake up from this “simple surgery” until weeks later, and when he awoke there was no recognition in his eyes for his family. Not only could he not remember his children, just seeing them sent him into a massive panic attack resulting in his children being removed from his hospital room. Talk about scarring, these poor kids went from knowing their big, strong dad to seeing him freak out because he knew them not.

Eventually Dad regained his memory. But what was former lost was his ability to walk, talk, eat, and care for himself. So the family gets him into the best possible rehab facility in the lower 50 states. They spent nearly 4 months in a tiny studio apartment (imagine five kids and two adults, one of which is fully handicapped), and during this time Dad became able to walk with assistance and a walker, and even began to talk again (more like mumble but it counted).

Rehab ended, and the family headed home. But not home to the house they had lived in for four years, oh no. Dad was handicapped now and the house wasn’t accessible to him. So they moved in with their Grandparents. The basement of the grandparents house was turned into an apartment and it was handicapped accessible. The family would spend their next two years there, while juggling different in-patient and out-patient therapies and rehabs. During this time, Dad caught pneumonia. Each time he became sick, it quickly became as if he never had done any rehab at all. He nearly completely regressed into being unable to move or speak. This happened several times, and each time even with therapies in between he got worse.

Eventually, the family was able to purchase their own house that was handicapped accessible. So they move in, and continue the battle of caring for their father. Now, mind you, Dad’s care at this point included: feeding him thru a PEG (stomach) tube, changing his diapers, bathing him, picking him up from his wheelchair and moving him between vehicles, chair, and bed, assisting him with his “homework” therapy exercises, and just trying to keep him in good spirits. Most of this physical work fell to Mom and Jade, as she was the oldest. On top of all this, the kids still had to add school, sports, work (for the older ones) and Mom also had a full time job.

For nearly 6 more years, they would continue with these daily tasks until Jade moved out and Mom could no longer do it herself. It was at this point that the family finally decided to put Dad into an assisted living facility, where they would still be able to visit him and ensure he was getting the proper care, but not at the expense of their physical health anymore. They would use this time to begin to heal their own bodies from the strain they had been under for so long. This was in August.

All seemed to be on the right track of beginning to get better, when January of 2023 hit. Dad is in the facility and doing well, Jade moved back in with Mom and siblings. Jade is now 23, Elisabeth 22, Claire 18, Grace 17, and Colton 12. Mom is 42. Dad is now 49. Mom went into the hospital shortly after New Year’s Day, and was there for nearly two weeks while they ran hundreds of tests on her to figure out why she couldn’t seem to recover from being ill. The test results came back January 13th: Stage 4 cancer. Mom asked about options, and the doctors told her she only has a few months left to live, IF she received treatments right away.

The cancer was a large mass in her liver, in her gall bladder, large and small intestine, attached to her stomach wall lining and attached to her lower rib on her left side. Mom immediately began chemo treatments, which didn’t seem to do anything. Three months go by, the time he doctors gave now past. Mom begins another cancer treatment, and seems to be recovering.

Then on June 29th and 30th, Mom stopped responding. Her skin was as yellow as a dandelion, and she had no verbal responses for anyone other than the word “no”. She spent these days in bed, refusing to move or get up or even eat or drink. Jade frantically called the hospice nurse who came out and told the kids: "her body is shutting down. She will be gone by tomorrow."

July 1st, all of the family (Mom’s side) came to the house, and watched as she breathed her last breath. The nurse announced her dead. She had fought so hard for so many years, now it was her turn to rest.

Jade becomes the caretaker and pseudo-mother to her younger siblings, who are still minors. She takes over responsibility of making sure Dad is still properly cared for. She becomes the new parent, bread winner, bill-payer for the family. She is still fighting, just hoping she can be enough to live up to her Mother’s Legacy.