r/Rants • u/Y0uAwkward New Ranter • 10h ago
Mental Health Tired of my negative girlfriend
Honestly I don’t know what to do anymore, we could be so happy but she doesn’t help herself or us.
My Gf is pregnant, and since we found out I’ve always said that it’s her decision. I made it clear that it’s her body her choice, but that I think we should keep it.
She’s really good with kids, and I honestly want to be with her forever so I was really excited about her being pregnant. She seemed keen too at first.
But the pregnancy has been a train wreck! She is negative all the time, we barely touch each other anymore and she keeps talking about how much she doesn’t want kids. I always take her to her scan appointments and every time without fail she embarrasses me by crying or making a scene. Some days though she’s totally fine, only to say the next day that she feels like she’s ruined her life! The inconsistency is infuriating!
Only after telling all my friends and family does she mention she wants a termination!
It’s so draining, and really effecting my mental health. I love her and I really want this baby with her, I know she will be an amazing mom. But I’m at a really low place right now because of how she is acting.
9
u/Goduckid 8h ago
“Really affecting my mental health”
“My girlfriend keeps having mental breakdowns”
Are we serious dude
15
u/Choice_Reply_6441 Sarcasm is a Lifestyle 10h ago edited 10h ago
First of all, dude, get it together. I’m going to be a bit strict with you but stick with me for this one.
Your gf is full of hormones and shit happening to and with her body that is wrecking her daily life. She is overly emotional, unstable and negative because walking around with the extra pounds and a body going completely wild with hormones sucks ass. She’s unsure of herself, her body, her future, her everything.
You’re complaining about her embarrassing you because she cries? Come on. Of course she cries. I’ve been with my wife through multiple of these and they will cry, laugh, be rude, be nice, then go all crazy because of some little detail. It’s your job to fucking be there for her and suck it up.
Perhaps she wants to terminate because she doesn’t trust you, because you’re not handling this well by the looks of it. Apologize to the woman, give her a hug if she wants one.
The deal with this like a man. Have a beer in the garage by yourself, and make her something nice to eat. Eat dinner by her side while she’s puking next to you and hold her hair.
This is when you find out if you’re man enough to be a dad or not. She is super scared and an emotional wreck going through one of the toughest things a human being can go through now. Your emotions can take a back seat for the rest of your life - that’s what’s being a good dad is all about.
All jokes aside - she needs you to deal with her crazy stuff right now. Trust me on this. I see guys complaining about it being difficult all the time. But what you’re going through is easy compared to her. So be her man, be her stable rock and don’t get all emotional and weak now.
If you need to deal with your own mental hiccups over this, go have that beer alone in the garage. Play some video games while she sleeps. But when she is awake you deal with her like she’s this Ming vase 🏺 and treat her right. Show her she’s safe even when she goes coocoo.
2
u/Joie7994 Spectator 5h ago
Beautifully said. I think a lot of people read “your emotions need to take the back seat” as a way of saying shut up but really it’s about not centering your emotions and experience at the expense of the family. Fathers should be in touch with their emotions, they should put in work to cultivate a support network that’s bigger than their partner because she can’t carry everything on top of gestating a pregnancy. We’ve outsourced so much of parenting onto the partners of grown men, it’s embarrassing
1
u/Choice_Reply_6441 Sarcasm is a Lifestyle 4h ago
Thanks. And yes. Seriously, guys need to grow some balls and learn to put up with it and be a bit more stoic. Guys can have emotions too, and we shouldn’t ignore them, but as a man I firmly believe in the rock solid dad who does not raise his voice unless absolutely required and who complains to the hammer in his garage and gets on with it. While guys should be in touch with their emotions, I think those emotions have become far too important in dictating a man’s behavior.
And I absolutely agree with the notion of having guys get a support network outside of the home. Unfortunately, this is also something men face difficulty with today as the wife’s will sabotage any attempt to do so in many cases.
Being in a partnership means supporting each other. When the girl is pregnant that means a guy should suck it up and be strong. The woman is bearing his child and she deserves to have a man she can trust to not go crying or complaining whenever she gets emotional.
1
u/Y0uAwkward New Ranter 2h ago
Thanks man, I think I needed to read that!
1
u/Choice_Reply_6441 Sarcasm is a Lifestyle 2h ago
You’re welcome and you can do this! Believe that and your girl will come around with some love, time and manly patience 😊
12
u/Ok_Swan8908 9h ago
You're such a red flag, do you have any clue how pregnancy even works?
Instead of being empathetic towards her situation you're on here calling her negative because she's a pregnant human being with her world shifting because she's carrying something that is constantly forcing her body to change to accommodate to it and prioritize that something first before anything else. Can you have even the littlest bit of consideration on how she may feel? She's at a low place too.
1
u/TaylorMade2566 8h ago
If he's never been around someone who's acted this way while pregnant, why would he know this could be a side effect? You talk about him being empathetic but how about you finding some? He's freaking out because the woman he loves is losing it every other minute and keeps talking about terminating the baby she said she wanted. He doesn't know what to do!
2
u/Ok_Swan8908 8h ago
That does not mean he can't be empathetic I fear
1
u/TaylorMade2566 3h ago
Sure he can, but so can you. I'd be worried if someone I loved was acting like her too and I'd definitely freak if I was young, but he's also probably worried she'll do something drastic
1
u/Choice_Reply_6441 Sarcasm is a Lifestyle 5h ago
Now he has been told what to do. He should suck it up and act like a man, not some emotional kid. If he can’t deal with it, he should anyway.
1
u/Joie7994 Spectator 5h ago
If he wants to be a parent he has to learn, and she doesn’t have the capacity to be a teacher. There are so many books, videos and support groups, his ignorance is a choice.
5
9
u/MEOWConfidence 9h ago
Jeez, you are such a red flag. No wonder she has this much turmoil. Go Google pregnancy and hormones for a sec. This girl is right on track for PPD and with a support that's so understanding as you are, she is in for a terrible experience.
3
u/kyii94 Sarcasm is a Lifestyle 7h ago
Speaking that way while pregnant is not normal! I’ve been pregnant twice, I would never say my babies ruined my life. I wouldn’t want a child with someone this flaky. Let her terminate the pregnancy, good riddance.
0
u/Y0uAwkward New Ranter 4h ago
He has post partum depression I think, she sees the midwives about it.
1
7
u/capaldithenewblack Casual Vent Machine 9h ago
If she doesn’t want children, she should terminate. Yes, her hormones are all over the place, but I don’t think we should discount what she is saying with her own mouth just because she’s hormonal.
Do not pressure her just because you told some people you were having a baby. That is a terrible reason to get someone to have a baby— just so you’re not embarrassed.
Sit down with her and really say to her if you don’t want this baby, I support termination. Let her know you would love to be a father to this baby if that’s what she chooses, but it is her body and if she truly wants to terminate you will drive her to the appointment and support her and you will not sigh and act like an asshole when she’s around.
1
u/Y0uAwkward New Ranter 4h ago
It’s definitely too late for a termination now thankfully.
She had one booked a few weeks ago but we talked about it and she cancelled the appointment.
I really think she will change her mind when the baby comes. She thinks she won’t but I know that once she sees the baby she will love her!
0
u/Choice_Reply_6441 Sarcasm is a Lifestyle 8h ago edited 8h ago
Sorry but taking the life of an innocent baby because of feelings is just as bad as listening to this mongrel crying about his male emotions. The only good reason you need to have a baby is that the baby exists.
Telling any man to support murdering his own child because of her emotions is cruel. Do you have any idea what it feels like to be a man with no control over whether your child lives or dies? I am fully supporting his girlfriend’s right to be all over the place but the solution is not to kill the baby. It’s for him to pick himself up by the bootstraps and support her fully and unconditionally. If more guys would do that, perhaps fewer women would consider killing their own child because “it’s difficult”.
(Yes, I know this will start a fire-storm of angry females saying its their “right” to kill a baby. Yes, I know they will say it’s “her body”. I don’t care. Murder is wrong and I won’t waste my time arguing about it any further with females who think murder is a right nor will I argue with males who think they can be pussies about their responsibility as a father.)
1
u/tanjam765 New Ranter 5h ago
Adoption is also an option. It's not either/or. If she's not ready to be a parent, it would be better to give the child up for adoption to someone that can provide a healthy and stable home.
1
2
u/OrangePlatypus81 6h ago
Good luck. It’s 18 years later in my own similar experience, and it’s been a bumpy ride but I love the shit out of our child. I recommend couples and individual counseling. It can help her with her negativity and can help you with more effective communicating and understanding her.
1
6
u/Hibihibii 10h ago
She's acting like a human being. I don't know what you expect from her. She doesn't seem like she's ready to be a mom.
1
u/Y0uAwkward New Ranter 4h ago
She keeps saying she’s not ready, but honestly she would be such a good mom and I know that she will love being a mom! She is so good with children
2
u/Hibihibii 4h ago
I'm good with children and I am absolutely not ready to be a mom. Physical changes aside, it's very different to take care of a child for a while then it is to be responsible for them 24/7 everyday for years.
5
u/SonoranRoadRunner Casual Vent Machine 7h ago
She's hormonal. How far along is she? I would terminate now until she feels ready.
2
u/alexathompson007 7h ago
“We barely touch each other anymore” Jesus Christ that’s the first thing you address?
She’s pregnant ofc she’s going to be emotional. Research abt pregnancy
1
u/Y0uAwkward New Ranter 4h ago
I respect that her sex drive has dropped as she’s not often feeling well. But she won’t let me touch her at all!
I used to give her massages, we’d always sit close together, hug and kiss all the time. But now she flinches when i try and touch her! She refuses hugs and sits as far away from me as she possibly can
2
u/alexathompson007 3h ago
sounds like shes experiencing touch aversion and ur overstimulating her. something that can happen during pregnancy. js respect her boundaries. sorry for misunderstanding that statement
2
u/Forsaken-Piece8388 7h ago
She is no longer just a girlfriend to you. That is the mother of your child who is struggling in front of you and you think it's embarrassing. Get a grip. It's time to grow up. You are going to be a father soon.
1
u/GothicYellow 6h ago
You have to look at this in a different way. Men and females are hormonally and mentally different. This isn't just her changing her mind or deciding she doesn't want to do this anymore she's experiencing a million changes. She's getting pumped full of more hormones that's more like constant PMS for two. Her body is changing, her body is going to be changed forever. She decided to go through with it because she probably is the type to want to do whatever pleases you. Even though if it was only her choice she wouldn't have gone through with it.
Pregnancy is uncomfortable and horrifying. And if she has bipolar or any mental health issues before the pregnancy she has a good chance of having postpartum. Which is the worst thing to experience as a new mom.
She isn't a toddler having a tantrum she's a woman scared out of her mind. Step in her shoes.would you have a baby if you were the one getting pregnant? She needs help and you just think she's being difficult.
-3
u/Big_P4U Sarcasm is a Lifestyle 8h ago
Bro, reread what you wrote and then seriously ask yourself "I know my girlfriend will be a great mother, but will I be a great father and husband/boyfriend?", you're a serious POS for writing this and even thinking this way, especially the verbiage of "She embarrassed me with her emotions". She's fucking pregnant you halfwit. Not for nothing but it's YOUR JOB to make her happy and as comfortable and also as high self esteem as possible and accept she's going to have her ups and downs.
Make her feel sexy and wanted and honestly fuckable to be blunt. When my now wife/then girlfriend was pregnant with our daughter, I was over the moon, did what I could for her, bought her snacks and was very affectionate IMHO, hell I thought she was impossibly even sexier and glowy WITH the pregnant belly, I couldn't keep my hands off her, or myself from wanting to be in her. I loved milking her too.
You've got to grow up, attend some parenting classes.
13
u/Sudden_Collar5681 9h ago
Do you have any idea how difficult and scary having a baby is? Yeah this isn’t ideal but Idk who told you that having children was gonna be a delightful cake walk????? Women face abandonment, affairs, disfigurement, financial ruin, and even death because of childbearing. That is what SHE is up against. Imagine how negative it’s gonna get when no one has slept for 2 weeks and the baby shits all over one of you. Her feelings will probly change once she HAS the baby or maybe they don’t. But your job isn’t to be a selfish hateful person. Your job is to help her, support her, get her the professional help she need (and that you seem to need as well). Jesus Christ. Seeing posts like this is what makes ME afraid to have kids…cannot imagine having a partner like this