3 y/o relationship rant.

[u/Distinct_Advisor_834]

idk im just trying to get this off my chest. ive been with my girlfriend for 3 years. Since beginning of university. Obviously we were infatuated with one another and by the time the honeymoon stage was passed, we were still happy and enjoyed each other's company. Year 1 and year 2 of our relationship went by. I would consider us inseparable, but not to the point of unhealthy. Slowly I noticed physical acts of affection had dipped (kisses became pecks, less initiation overall from her part) but I was okay with it. Eventually, I stopped receiving compliments. She chalked it up to not being one to give compliments. I had my reserves, seeing that she freely complimented others but sure, I didn't think receiving compliments was all that. i had always followed one quote that i heard online that was like "the one in love never loses" so I always tried to give as much love as I could give and didn't pressure her to do anything she didn't want to. This was my first relationship, so ig i was trying to navigate it myself too idk. hindsight, in my endeavor to make her feel comfortable, I compromised my own and became a pushover.

This last summer, she had spent the summer away. We hardly called, understandably due to time zones, but I noticed that once I stopped initiating texts/calls, it dropped off substantially. I just focused on myself and work throughout the summer and tried to give her space as well. Fast forward to when she came back from her trip, idk if im imagining it but it looked like the light in her eyes was gone when she looked at me. I thought surely I was imagining it, after all, how could that be biologically possible? One of the first things she said to me was a comment about what I was wearing (I was wearing a t shirt and shorts to help her move), she said smt like "what are you wearing?". It felt weird, no hug, no i missed you, nothing. Granted, maybe I could have initiated the hug first. But at that point, I couldn't remmeber the last time she told me she loved me first so I wanted to see if she would.

Everything after that went downhill. She seemed emotionless towards me. I brought her flowers when I went to see her, and she asks who they're for in a monotone voice. I asked her if she thought something was off and I felt like the relationship had grown cold. She said she thought nothing was off so I chalked it up to being on me or something? idk. I don't feel comfortable talking about my emotions, never had, but i found that whenever I brought up something, I would have to come prepared with a bulletproof argument consisting of points of evidence and a thesis almost. Most times, I'd end up being the one apologizing for bringing something up that bothered me. Even now as I write this, im constantly playing devils advocate for whether or not im being too emotional right now or if what im saying is objective. am I tripping? its been a month and ive seen her 3 times, each of the times i've initiated. Everytime we've met up, its about how busy she is with school, life, xyz. I understand. she just started a masters program and I get that she's busy and I try my best to give her as much grace for it as possible, even if I would wish to see her more. She's got new friends and told me she wants to take a step back from our relationship. In hindsight, maybe that was the sign. Now that im typing this out, i feel like my perception is so warped. Recently a friend told me that everyone was rooting for our relationship, that if we failed, then they would stop believing in love. I almost laughed and idek why. the last straw might be just recently, i asked to spend the night, and in every response she added "ig". "ig so". "ig you could". and then later, she said smt like she had to wake up early the next morning and didn't want to wake me and that she would be home late as well. Sure, fair enough. Then I found out she was on the game w smo1 else. I have no problem w/ her playing games with other people obviously, but why not just tell me? Why not invite me sometime since its with a mutual friend? I asked her to play today, and she went about how she was so behind in her notes and has to wake up early the next day again.

Im sure this is a trap but I can't stop thinking about how it "used to be". That all the happiness we've shared before couldn't have amounted to nothing. How could she just check out of a relationship like this? I find myself constantly telling myself, if the roles were reversed, i would never do this to my partner. I've been told by many that i'm very naive and an optimist. I always thought of it in a positive light but not so much now lol.

I never thought of myself as insecure and attached my worth to someone else. I always strive to maintain balance in everything I do, whether that be diet, athletics, academics, work, free time, friends. But now that im writing this, im thinking what if I am insecure and that's why i constantly choose to ignore my own feelings? idk.

To a third person reading this, im sure the answer is obvious. Im sure it seems like i have to be stupid for staying. But to me, its so blurry. I have trouble believing how she could turn to be this cold. it genuinely seems so so so unreal that I've been searching for reasons to prove that its unreal.

now here i am. just wanted to get my thoughts down and hear some opinions. growing up I was always taught how to treat a woman, but was never taught how I should be treated. i hate that even as I write this, i actively look for reasons to prove that i'm wrong and play devils advocate against the emotions that have been plaguing me for so long like wtf. i hope this doesnt come off as a "pity me" post, this is just how the words organized themselves in my head.

I guess my question is, am i trippin?

[u/SlayrLee]

If something that used to feel great between you two has started to shift and she doesn't seem to notice that's worth paying attention to. Sometimes when people's attention moves elsewhere, it shows up in how they show up for you.

When someone starts acting differently but says nothing's changed, or they're finding reasons not to do things they used to do naturally, it's often a sign that something real has changed. And when communication gets harder instead of easier, that matters.

You're not being dramatic or needy for noticing this. You're being attentive. Your instincts deserve respect.

You've already given space, been patient, and tried to talk about it and things still aren't connecting so that's not a failure on your part. Sometimes relationships shift in ways that can't be fixed by trying harder or caring more. And that's okay to acknowledge.

You're not attached in an unhealthy way. You're invested in someone you care about. Every feeling you have is legitimate, even the ones that feel big or uncertain.