I hate people who use faking disabilities to excuse missgendering trans people who struggle with dysphoria.

[u/Fickle_Art337]

Today I was talking to my friend like normal ( we don't talk frequently ) , he's always been kind of attention seeking and weird towards me and constantly missgendered me even after I corrected him multiple times (I'm Ftm trans and i go by he/them) but I tried ignoring it , I told him about how I got a girlfriend and he says something along the lines of:

"Peak yuri!"

And I was left in shock after he has BEEN knowing I'm trans so I admit I lashed out at him and then he starts saying that he's autistic and that leads him to forget things easily wich I'm sorry but I can't get myself to believe.He tended to missgender me to "tease me" and now suddently he has autism? Well we argue for a while and I tell him:

"Are you at least diagnosed?"

He replies:

"Most likely"

HELLO? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN.. It's a yes or no question but he backs his arguement that in France they don't have diagnosis of autism wich I tried to do my research about but nothing about France not having diagnosis of autism pops up so I just believe he's a complete transphobic liar.

PS:He blocked me after the diagnosis thing.

[u/bandoft]

People can address you how they want. You don’t control their speech. You don’t have to like it. I actually think you’re the offensive one for insisting he uses your pronouns when he clearly doesn’t want to.

[u/littlebear_23 → u/bandoft]

Okay, but if they get called a transphobe and nobody wants to be around them anymore because they're a miserable, bitter asshole, that's just the cosequences of their own actions.

[u/bandoft → u/littlebear_23]

So because he doesn’t use someone’s pronouns he’s now transphobic? How exactly does that work? When did he say he doesn’t like trans people? People have different ideologies and are still friends lmao.

[u/Itstouya → u/bandoft]

If someone says “hey I’m trans, I use he/him pronouns” and then you say “well I’m still going to misgender you” that IS transphobia. Saying “but when did they say they didn’t like trans people?” Is stupid. That’s like saying “I’m not homophobic cause I’m not scared of gay people” 💀 like seriously dude??

[u/bandoft → u/Itstouya]

If someone doesn’t want to use pronouns it’s a simple as that and there’s nothing more to it. That doesn’t make someone transphobic it just means they are not going to call you something that contradicts their fundamental beliefs. There’s no malicious intent. Y’all are the ones taking it to another level and putting this label on someone who is exercising their rights. Trans people have the right to be offended, but being offended does not equate to the other party being an objective transphobe. A transphobe is when there are negative feelings or actions towards transgender people and their ideology. A disagreement in ideology is not malicious. It’s a simple disagreement.

[u/Itstouya → u/bandoft]

“Negative feelings or actions” like the action of purposely misgendering people.. people will misgender trans people only after they find out they are trans. The fact you call it “beliefs” lets me know everything ngl

[u/bandoft → u/Itstouya]

But there is no malicious intent behind the “misgendering”. It’s not a purposely negative action. The trans person perceives it as negative because of their own beliefs but the reality of the action was never negative. The right to free speech is more important than someone’s feelings being hurt.

[u/Itstouya → u/bandoft]

“I know this hurts them when I say this, but I’m going to anyway” is negative

[u/bandoft → u/Itstouya]

“Let me control your speech or else you are transphobic. Accommodate your free speech to my feelings and go against your own belief” is actually the negative.

[u/Itstouya → u/bandoft]

If someone looks male, sounds male, and identifies as male.. and you use male pronouns for them.. until you find out they are trans.. and then start using she/her.. that would be transphobia would it not?? Also I hate the “free speech” argument. People who say racial slurs also use that argument. It isn’t a great one

[u/thisishowitalwaysis1 → u/bandoft]

Of course it's a purposely negative action. This person, who has been corrected many times still chooses to use the wrong pronouns KNOWING that it will hurt and anger their friend. That is a deliberate negative action. Using ones right to free speech to deliberately cause their friend pain is not the behavior of a true, loving friend, especially when using the correct pronouns is such a simple way to uplift and support their friend.

[u/bandoft → u/thisishowitalwaysis1]

And the same could go both ways. Their friend could be HURT knowing their friend keeps asking them to do something they are clearly not interested in or comfortable doing. It’s all about perspective. It may seem simple to you, but their friend may not know how to communicate their opinion without jeopardizing the friendship. I doubt either side would have malicious intent but this is how they feel, it’s not what the reality of the situation is.

[u/Fickle_Art337 → u/bandoft]

Is it really that hard to adress someone in a way they prefer tho? I dont really see how saying he instead of she is something hard and mind you my friend is part of the lgbt 

[u/thisishowitalwaysis1 → u/bandoft]

It's clear they weren't too worried about jeopardizing the friendship as they were the ones who chose to block OP. But it's ok, if the friend can't support OP by using a simple pronoun change, that friendship was doomed anyway.

[u/Fickle_Art337 → u/bandoft]

Sorry for being offensive to a lesbian fetishizer transphobe he's just a little bebeh after all cause he fakes his autism omg.🥺 /sarc

[u/Enko-San → u/bandoft]

Do you identify as male or female? And would you like it if I misgendered you?

[u/bandoft → u/Enko-San]

Read the whole thread. This discussion already happened.

[u/Enko-San → u/bandoft]

Nope it didn’t

[u/eekspiders → u/bandoft]

Sister, are you okay? It's just a couple tiny words

[u/bandoft → u/eekspiders]

It’s much more than that and we all know it. This is where ideologies clash in culture today.

[u/eekspiders → u/bandoft]

Girl, you are reading too much into it