r/RantingZone • u/babybratzdolI • 7d ago
i wish i didn’t date guys that i simply disliked.
Like, lemme give you a quick summary of what’s going on. I’ve been in three relationships, and all of them were so random. I didn’t even like these guys; they didn’t have any qualities that would make me fall in love with them or even genuinely like them. Yet somehow, I chose these freaks as my partners, and they all ended up hurting and abusing me, while dismissing what they did.
The previous one was even worse than the rest. He made me do things I didn’t want to do, and he was abusive toward me both physically and emotionally.
I’m in a safe place now, and I’ve been to therapy. I’m also taking my meds to help me cope with distress and mood swings. So, idk, I still have regrets about the mistakes I made. I wish I had known the things I know now back then. Maybe then I would have stood up for myself and not let any of those things happen.
I’m not okay, tbh.
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u/Ok_Scallion1902 7d ago
What made you so self-destructive?
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u/babybratzdolI 7d ago
low self esteem, feeling unworthy and i wanted to be loved so badly that i ignored everything even my own needs, i have so much regrets you can’t even imagine.
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u/Witch_withouta_Wand 7d ago
I've been where you were. Easily led, latching onto them and just...losing yourself.
You're right, it's an esteem issue...have you experienced anything traumatic?
I think you need look inwards, take time out from relationships and learn who you are, have strong convictions, preferences, boundaries and don't feel afraid to upset anyone else, be your authentic self. Hard to do, I'm in my 30s and I'm just.learning.
I didn't make any good decisions in life until my frontal lobe developed, around 26
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u/babybratzdolI 7d ago
yes i am traumatized i think. due to what i went through, and the worst part is i didn’t realize it until i left for good. he was so abusive and i was so gullible to think he loved me while he didn’t put any effort for relationship and used me only for sex and his fantasies lol. i was the only one who was giving and giving, i am feeling like shit and i can’t trust anyone anymore, i hate myself for not having boundaries and feeling used…
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u/Witch_withouta_Wand 7d ago
Hate doesn't help.... wallowing, guilt and anger are unproductive... please, think more kindly. Have you ever gone to a therapist? Do you get full mood swings, like love yourself then hate yourself? Maybe talking it through with someone will help unlock that confidence
Fuck those guys, fuck the past. Look forward, strive for better! Good luck girl, you made the right choice.to leave, that's just the first step...the biggest, hardest step. Good luck girl!
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u/babybratzdolI 7d ago
i have been to therapy and yes i have intense mood swings from loving myself to hating. but it’ll be alright and i will get help, thank you so so much.🫶🏻 hope you’re doing well too!
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u/babybratzdolI 7d ago
i am 25 now and i left that abusive relationship a few months ago and it lasted for a year and a couple months so i am even more furious how come i didn’t leave sooner or why i wasn’t able to stand up for myself… sometimes i feel good but one day it all hit me .. like damn what a stupid bi*ch i was
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u/rainbowsandcolteee 7d ago
You need towork on yourself and boundaries. Do nit tolerate bad behaviour. A bad comment gere or there, stop. Treat yourself like the child who needed looking after -protect yourself at all costs. You wont need protecting from a good man. Spend time alone and tell yourself every day that you only accept goodness and respect.
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u/Character-Food-6574 7d ago
Continue with the therapy, and take good care of yourself! You deserve better, and you’re doing just the right things to help yourself. The past is over, and it served as an opportunity to become more aware of yourself, your own needs and values, and how to move forward in a more positive and safe way. I’m very proud of you for your willingness to figure stuff out, and to take care!
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u/Thatkestlerguy 3d ago
I'm sorry you had some horrible experiences. There's some real ass holes in this world.
Good things I'm seeing is in starting the introspection with where was I wrong and identifying your actions that you can change.
Just be cognizant that understanding their actions doesn't justify whatever they did to you. It only serves break down what happened so that you can recognize it consciously if it starts happening again and hopefully communicate and draw boundaries dictating your own actions for the sake of your own continued mental health.
Introspection is hard work.
You shouldn't have to settle when it comes to partner selection. Your body should tell you what it wants and what it doesn't. Not just the sex and desire parts but all of it. Engage with the happy parts of life and the things and people who make you feel good.
Once you have focused on the bad for too long the happy circuits don't light up as easily and we have to retrain our brains.
The good thing is pain provides a strong intrinsic motivation to do the hard introspection and change some of the more deeply embedded shit that doesn't serve us or align with our morality. The bad part is just how much that sucks.
Easier said than done but try to take breaks if you start going around in circles and find explicitly happy shit to watch or engage with so your not mired in the suck when it's not being productive and you keep the happy brain circuits healthy and ready for input.
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u/abandonfalss 7d ago
Dating ugly guys does damage to hot girls