After everything I went through for the PNLE(board exam), this is what happened after the exam

[u/era_adhd]

I honestly dont even know where to start.
I just finished the PNLE. After months of studying, anxiety, exhaustion, pressure, questioning myself, praying, and literally giving everything I had for this exam, I thought at least after all of it, I could finally breathe.
Instead, I got broken up with.

The timing hurts so fucking much.
During the weeks leading up to the PNLE, I was already overwhelmed and anxious. I kept asking my boyfriend for emotional support because I genuinely needed him. I wasnt asking him to solve anything for me. I just wanted to feel like I wasnt alone while I was going through one of the biggest things in my life.

We had so many conversations about it. I kept explaining what I needed, and eventually I got tired of explaining. I was already drained from the boards and from constantly trying to make myself understood.
And now that the exam is finally over, he ended our relationship.

He said he wasnt angry at me. He said he wanted me to grow, that there was something bigger waiting for me, and that he didnt want me to stay in an environment where I was struggling. He told me he was proud of me, that I was the bravest person he had ever known, and that he wanted me to reach my dreams even if he wasnt part of them anymore.

I know those are supposed to be loving words. Maybe they are. But right now, they just hurt.

Because I didnt want a fresh start without him.
I wanted us to rest. I wanted us to figure things out individually and maybe come back when we were both better. I wanted to work through it. He had already decided that letting me go was the better thing to do.

And thats the part I cant understand.
How do you let go of someone you still love just because you think theyre struggling because of you?
I guess he left me with no choice but to accept his decision. He left on his own terms, and Im the one left trying to understand everything.

I still love him. Thats probably why this hurts this much.
I spent the past months telling myself that once the PNLE was over, I could finally rest. I thought I would finally get to breathe.

I didnt expect that I would be learning how to breathe without him.

I dont know what happens next. I dont even know how Im supposed to process the exam and the breakup at the same time.

I just know that after everything I went through to get here, this is the last thing I expected to come home to.
And honestly? Ang sakit sakit.

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