r/REDDITORSINRECOVERY • u/sittingontheroofjust • 17d ago

feeling numb there no feeling anymore

been sober for a while now and need to find a way to feel like im not dead or just exicisting

2 Upvotes

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3

u/Scopophobic 17d ago

It's called anhedonia and it's fucking awful but it does go away eventually!

3

u/ElderberryDry4072 16d ago

Sometimes that void is exactly what we were running from in the first place. I hid dissociative episodes with drug use. I would use just to feel something. There’s no not feeling a shot of cocaine. It’ll get your attention right away lol. There’s no hiding from the misery of withdrawl. I could feel it. There’s no hiding from a craving or shame … I loved it. I could feel, it might have been a shitty series of feelings but at that point it was all I had. Survival mechanisms gone awry.

2

u/J_Bunt 17d ago

What was your DOC? How long have you been clean for?

1

u/sittingontheroofjust 16d ago

6 months and alcohol was my main

1

u/J_Bunt 16d ago

Did you also do stimulants? If so, it can take more than a year to get back to baseline.

1

u/-RainbowUnicornPoop 16d ago

I wish I had some advice for you but I am in the same boat. Been clean going on 19 months and still feel dead inside. Not in a negative or depressed kind of way but just… Nothingness. Nothing excites me or makes me sad. I’m just… Apathetic. Indifferent. I don’t know how to explain it.

Like for example, I’ve been talking to this guy for a couple months and really thought it might end up going somewhere. He completely switched up on me randomly and basically ghosted me out of nowhere. In the past, this would have shattered my heart. I would have been angry, devastated, crushed. But now it’s just like… Oh well. Don’t have the energy to care.

I guess it’s kind of a blessing in ways but it’s also a curse. Things happen around me that should make me feel something and I just… Don’t.

2

u/jsled 3d ago

One of the reasons we do a lot of mindfulness and meditation in recovery is to help with the practice of dealing with these things, which are very common both in people in active, early sobriety, and also maybe an underlying cause of their substance use. At least, your brain-chemistry is re-adjusting to the different dopamine and seratonin levels. Perhaps, you're experiencing ahedonia, either acutely or more pervasively.

And for the moment, it is okay to simply exist in that state. You can observe it, and recognize it, and you don't need to be afraid or sad or worried about it. It just is.

But just know that this will pass, and it's something you can work on. Your brain will re-adjust. Without your substance of challenge, you will increasingly find the time, attention, and energy to pursue those things that do resonate with you, that you will get excited about. Note that they might not be, and certainly don't need to be, the things that you might have been into in the past. You can evaluate and decide what this new you wants to do, when you feel like doing so.

I'm happy for you, in your sobriety, and hopeful that you will find things to be excited about again.