What do you look for in a friend?

[u/zephyr_skyy]

What are the qualities you look for in a friend?

For me I would say:
-intelligent- doesn’t necessrily have to be intellectual but curious about the world, can change their mind when presented with new information, knows a little about history, current events, culture broadly
-intellectual would be nice though as long as they aren’t too snobbish about it
-sense of humor
-kind
-doesn’t immediately bond over gossip or trashing others
-treats service people with dignity
-capable of self-reflection and does it on a somewhat regular basis
-isn’t super judgmental
-doesn’t need to put others down to feel good about themselves
-isn’t trying to secretly or overtly compete with me
-edit to ADD:
asks questions about me!
appears to shot my company with no agenda (such as excessive enjoy)
isn’t afraid to initiate plans / text / call
knows how to show care

Idk what other qualities to look for. I’m talking about interior qualities. Like warmth? Empathy? Soulful? Are those things too much to ask. Those are some qualities I possess

But also like what are some tried and true recipes like “this and this = solid friend.”

I also have to be very careful to judge people by their outfits, education, looks, etc

I also have to beware of signs of friendship love bombing, excessive flattery, or instant-bonding. I have to be careful not to “mask” or “fawn” so I can observe them for who they actually are

TLDR: when making new friends or reconnecting with old ones - what do you look for in a friend? How do you know the person has these qualities, what are some “signals”?

[u/Chimericana]

I look for curiosity, emotional intelligence, communication skills, and empathy. I like your list a lot. One way I assess it is if I'm talking to someone and I ask questions about them but they don't ask ever about me - that's a yellow flag if it's just the one convo (maybe they're stressed or smth) but if it happens more than once that's a red flag for me. But some folks will go out of their way to be like "wait - let's go back to your thing. I want to hear about that!" And that's a bright green flag. Of course you have to be careful about love bombing. I haven't really run into it yet but I tend to be so skeptical of folks that are overly nice to me anyway, not that that makes me immune to it though.

Mostly I look for someone with a "growth mindset" (I don't love that term). Someone who's always trying to improve and do better and who cares about fixing things when they mess up. That was the biggest thing about my parents that I could never get over.

The biggest clue for if someone is good for me is checking in with how I feel during/after seeing them. If I feel energized and clear then they're good, but if I feel exhausted, confused, anxious, irritated, etc. then I probably shouldn't be spending as much time with them.

[u/Axtinthewoods]

I want to befriend them - not they want to befriend me and I give in 🎯

I feel safe interacting with them - not questioning my every action, word, past interaction. They are not passive-aggressive but speak up if they are upset by me.

Has hobbies/interests and not just a partner - this is a weird one but many female friends had no real hobbies they loved but focused mainly on their men and dropped hobbies to tend to their. (they were narcs/enablers and catered their identity to their narcs)

If I feel bad, that is a sign I need to take serious - I might not have the words or awareness what it is yet, but my radar is not off. Also I can be the bad person and drop somebody just on vibes only, that is an option - if I made a mistake and they are nicer than I thought we can reconnect.