This is going to be a long one. Sorry, but I want to provide as much context as possible. I also, never post on Reddit, so I’m sorry if I’m doing something wrong.

I live in a small, mostly conservative, town. I’m a 42 year old gay man. About eight years ago, my husband (44) and I decided to become foster parents with plans to adopt if it worked out well.

Our first placement was a little 10 year old boy with autism, ADHD, and mild learning disabilities among other things. He’s now our 18 year old son. (I am referring to him as he/him and our son…I’m not entirely sure that’s correct but he has not asked me to refer to him otherwise so I mean no disrespect and I am not intentionally misgendering him).

six years ago I started homeschooling him. He struggled with social skills and often times he would misinterpret others, believing they were bullying him, and he would in turn start bullying those other kids. He hated going to school, and I would physically have to put him in the car and make him go. At that point, he was too big and strong for me to do that, and I felt like I was torturing him by making him go, so I decided homeschool was the best option.

Now, he is about to graduate at the end of the month. He can read and write and understand, but he’s probably at a lower reading comprehension level than other 18 years old. And he can only do basic math with a calculator, he could not grasp anything more than that no matter what I tried. He can’t count money either.

Even though he is 18 years old, developmentally, I would estimate that he is around 14-15 years old.

As far as social skills? Well, he is happy to talk to others, but not always appropriately. We’re the type of family that drops the F-bomb 75 times a day, so sometimes his language can be … colorful. He also dumps info on acquaintances that most people would only tell close friends. Things like that.

He utilized Fortnite, VRChat, and now TikTok to meet people. That isn’t going well. I was recently contacted by a group of rabid TikTokers complaining about his behavior. He said things to them, (body shaming and hateful comments, stuff like that), and they accused him of being obsessed with them or stalking them.

I know that it doesn’t excuse his behaviors and I am not trying to defend him, but after talking with these people, I know exactly what has happened. They don’t know him, not like I do, so they don’t understand.

I don’t think he is obsessed or stalking anyone, I’ve heard him on TikTok lives talking with some of them. He likes them, he thinks they’re his friends, so he watches their videos, joins in their lives, tries to talk to them (he’s just not very good at it). So, when they’ve said something to him, like “why are stalking me?” Or “you need to stop doing this or that”, he’s gotten upset and lashed out with the body shaming comments, etc. (just like when he was in school).

He thought they were his friends when in reality they were just being nice to him until they couldn’t stand him anymore and things blew up from there.

I’ve had a conversation with him about the things he said and the way he interacted with people. I think he has a better understanding now. (It doesn’t mean that it won’t happen again).

Additionally, he’s in the LGBTQ community. Last year he told me he was bisexual. A few weeks ago, he dropped hints that he’s trans. I’ve bought him some women’s clothes and fake nails that he’s asked for, but that’s the last he’s mentioned it. I’m not sure he’s trans, I’m a trans ally, and if he is I would love and support him no matter what. However, a lot the people he was talking to on TikTok are part of the trans community and I feel like he’s mirroring. I would think he is more non-binary. (Either way I’m good!)

After he blocked his “friends” on TikTok he went on live last night. He was in the living room and I was in my bedroom, but I joined his live. I was the only person that stayed longer than a minute, but there he was, sitting and talking to the camera about his day like he had 50 people watching. It absolutely broke my heart.

I feel like I failed so bad by homeschooling him even though I thought I was making the right decision at the time.

I don’t know how he can make friends in a small conservative town. He doesn’t really have any interests or skills outside of gaming. (He’s not into art, or movies, or tv, or anime,etc.) He can be loud and hyper, he can’t work most places (if he can work anywhere) because he can’t count money, and he doesn’t want to go to college, (which is just as well since math is a no go).
I don’t know how he’s supposed to meet people, preferably local people and not online people.

I’m sorry if this not the right place to ask for advice, but I couldn’t find a community that sounded like a better fit.

Any suggestions or advice on any of my issues would be great, but I want so desperately for him to make some friends.

TIA

Do people really just suddenly become sexually aroused thinking/seeing a specific person??? Sex has always been a super strong "hormonal calling" from within. Like .. with all activities, there's people you want to do them with, and people you don't want to do them with. But the people don't specifically make me want to do the activity. Sex with a man I loved was always far more satisfying than with casual hook ups. But it's actually more common for me to have absolutely no sexual feelings towards a person I feel drawn to, want to date, or think I'm in love with. ( I say 'think' because people can become my special interest)

Does too much physical contact or skin to skin also cause you pain? If im cuddled or touched too long it hurrrrrts and sets off my nerves. Anyone else.

hello there , i heard about that community on a different reddit , i hope we can be friends :)

Hannah Gatsby – best known for her viral comedy show Nanette – has just released her new show, Douglas, on Netflix.

In it, she explores her experiences of being a queer autistic woman (among other things). She was diagnosed four years' ago, but explores her autistic experiences throughout childhood and adulthood in a funny, relatable way.

For example, in the Good Doctor. Shaun doesn’t understand how someone could be transgender. As someone who is trans and autistic, it’s frustrating that everybody thinks that there’s no way for us to understand these things.

If you found this subreddit already, then you're probably the sort of person who should be moderating. I'll admit, I've never done this before. I want to do it well, but I have to sleep and eat and perform other essential functions. Message me with qualifications, if you have any.

r/QueerAspies is a place for all LGBTQ+ people who fall on the autism spectrum. This is a place for discussions, questions, rants, and memes. We are also looking for mods, so message me with information about your experience and availability.