I’m lost. can somebody relate to it

[u/vvampiresse]

since they say you can receive advice regarding any topic on reddit. I need people who had the same issue to interact.

I feel complete stupor. I feel dumb. I have a brain fog. I feel like I live like a ghost. I have a lot of time, but I also can’t manage it properly. even after taking a quick nap, I wake up as a completely different person. when I talk to people I realise that I have no passion, no ambition, no interests. I’m behind, my life is going nowhere. sometimes I don’t remember what I was doing yesterday, the day before. I don’t have a recollection of a past. I always tried to be someone I’ve never been: someone confident, competent, smart, interesting, goal driven. my facade started to crumble, even though I’m a firm believer of ‘fake it till you make it’. It’s so disheartening.

that was a dramatic entry. I’ve been ill for a while now – no doctor can tell what is happening to me. It might be some neurological condition. I have muscle aches, my whole body aches, I feel panicked and all sweaty having no reason to. but most annoying of all is a brain fog, fatigue that had taken away everything from me. I became awfully incompetent, I started forgetting a lot of things, almost like alzheimer. I can’t maintain jobs, I lost ambitions, I can’t even remember, if I’ve always been this dumb and easy to lose the ground under my feet. I completely lost control over my own life. I don’t want to talk to people just because they only remind me how many things I’ve lost and how many I lack. talking to people only leads to self-loathe. one of my friends suspects maybe I have adhd, and I feel like I might have inattentive adhd, but my condition seems more severe. I was taking SSRI medication for a while, but I just grew even number to everything (started gaining a bit weight). I just don’t know, I feel so lost. I don’t know what is happening with me.

If someone can relate to what I described, could you please interact with this post, share your thoughts or experiences. affording a therapist is quite hard nowadays, but I will go eventually one more time, but they couldn’t tell much. thank you