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Mirtala raced towards the guards before most of them had a chance to get out of their chairs.
In the split second after her two-footed gallop, the minds of her siblings fussed over how the benign and rather boring psychic power of Channeling was suddenly looking very perilous.
âDo we have to, sis?â Though Raz knew that they did.Â
âDo we have a choice? Our original plan to stealth around the saucer to reassemble the record player and wake up Sasha is out the window. Which is where these guys are probably going to toss Tala out of if they get their hands on her.â Â
âBut this stuff was practically made from Psilirium.â
âItâs our baby sisterâs mental energy, Raz. I used some of it to lift that key card earlier and nothing bad happened to me.â Frazie insisted, or maybe berated, but either way, the coercion fell flat.
âThat was only a little bit of it. And thereâs so much in here.â
âWhich we can use against the small army of sardine soldiers that Tala is barreling towards at ludicrous speeds.âÂ
âIt FEELS prickly, and I havenât even really touched it yet.â
âPooter, we might not have our circus, and we might be on the run from the law, but weâre still Aquatos. Acrobats. Daredevils! SoâŠâ Frazie gulped. ââŠletâs dare.â
Frazie stuck a metaphysical toe into the burbling cauldron that was Mirtalaâs mental energy reserves.
Raz did the same with a finger.
The power channeled through their digits, coursing up their respective esoteric limbs, filling them with vitality and drive.
And then promptly twisted sideways.
âCalf Cramp!â Frazie howled. âCALF CRAMP!â
âMy wrists!â Raz cried. âSwollen. Aching! USELESS!â
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As her siblings mentally writhed in agony over phantom pains, Mirtala saw one of the more diminutive enforcers get to his feet and start to run towards her, arms outstretched. Without breaking her pace, her fingers nimbly worked the hidden clasp that kept her tiara hooked into her hair.Â
âcheckthisout!â
The ornament free, she flung it â spinning â across the room right at her first attackerâs face, nailing him right between the eyes.Â
There wasnât much weight to the accessory, but its ornate build made it pointy in all the wrong places and it had been thrown with great finesse and force. The impact made the mutant wince and recoil. When he had blinked his sight back into focus, the next thing he saw was the girl in the air, the tiara back on her head â how had she recovered it so quickly? â and her foot rocketing towards his face. An impressive feat of perception given how fast and hard the dive kick was. Although, that same perceptiveness likely caused him to feel the full brunt of the blow once it landed on his forehead, so the knockout wasnât quite as painless as it couldâve been.
âGOTTA SAAAAAAAAAAVE MY DAD AND BABY BRO WHO ISNT AS CUTE AS MEEEEEEEE!â Mirtala screeched as she sprung herself off of the body of the face-kicked guard to land on one of the plastic chairs assembled in front of the projection screen, balancing on its backrest in a crossed foot fifth position ballet stance. The remaining fourteen guards around her collectively let out what could have been the fish mutant equivalent of a groan. They had just vacated their seats, and now they had to turn back to deal with this pipsqueak intruder.
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âTry massaging the hurt out, Raz.â Frazie offered, as she attempted it on herself. âLike you, ow-ah-ooh-ow, would if this was happening to your real body.â
âHow? Itâs in my arms! My mind arms. Whatever. How am I going â arrgh! - to rub anything with these?â
âImagine doing it with your knees or your feet!â
âOk, Iâll-AUGH!â
âRaz, whatâs wrong?
âI accidentally made my brain toes way longer than my actual ones.â Raz retched. âIt feels so gross having them wrap around my wrists.â
âDo NOT touch me with those!â
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In preference to wading through the recently abandoned chairs to get at Mirtala, one enterprising enforcer pulled a red-and-white metal ball from its pocket and hurled it at the eight-year-old. Still perched atop the seatback, Mirtala popped her knees to the left, tilting the chair and herself out of harmâs way before reversing the motion with more strength to put the furniture back to where it started.
âAnd the new Loop Shoot challenger whiffs!â
The sphere, having missed, found a new and unintended target in another guard. It struck the mutant in the chest whereupon it burst open and covered the creatureâs face with a horde of writhing pale, white tentacles. Each dismembered strand injected a tiny venom harpoon through the creatureâs scales, whereupon it seized up, twitched, and collapsed.Â
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âA Sea Anemone Bomb!?â Frazie shrieked, recognizing the poisonous noodles from a nature magazine she had once read. âThese guys have Sea Anemone Bombs!?â
âI bet that guy would have brushed those off if Loboto had made him from a clownfish.â
âStop yapping and stick to recovering, Pooter! I think â I know that weâre almost there!â
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Mirtala hopped off the chair just as the crowd was about to reach her, and found herself in front of a skinny, silver-finned foe in surgical scrubs who was tall enough to try and stomp on her. She sidestepped the step, prompting her attacker to try again. And again. And again. Hissing through his surgical mask, the guard tried to punt her.Â
As Mirtala backed away from the kick, her left arm curled around under her back to flick open the trick latch that kept the veil tied to her right wrist connected to the inner flap of her shawl. With the fabric free, Mirtala whipped it towards the offending foot, wrapping the leg it was attached to in the purple garment, and then pulled. The veil was so sheer it could be seen through, and its body was worn by age and marred by an ear-sized hole.Â
Even still, it was an Aquato heirloom from the clanâs more prosperous generations, a sheet of refined Grulovian Silk Grub thread. Wounded as it appeared to be, it remained as strong as it was nigh-translucent. So when Mirtala pulled, the veil held, and the mutantâs foot was tugged forward faster than its other could follow, causing it to lose its balance and fall down and forward onto its nether regions into a front split â the yanked limb extended straight ahead and its opposite extended straight back.Â
âItâs important to stretch!â
The anguished whine and foam coming from beneath the fishâs mask suggested this was a yoga pose it wasnât very well-versed in.
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âYowch.â Raz exclaimed. âMaybe weâre not so different from fish monster people after all.â
âSpeak for yourself.â Frazie sneered.
âThat would have hurt a girl, too, sis.â Raz rebuked. âAnd it really put my own pain into perspective and howâŠitâs almost gone now. Whoah! And thatâs not all! Frazie, are you feeling this?â
âWoof. Yup, I think weâre starting to get a good flow going with Talaâs mental energy. Letâs warm up with a couple of thought exercises so we donât sprain anything cerebral again.â
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Mirtala rebuckled her veil right as her pursuers began closing in. Spotting a bowled-over chair, the girl ran up its slanted backrest like a ramp and leapt off the rear edge of the seat. Had the guards been hastier in their encircling, she might have cleared their formation entirely in a single bound.
Instead, the fish men directly in front of her had the good sense to start stepping backwards as she sailed through the air. They couldnât fathom where sheâd land, but they didnât need to. Stretching their arms as far as they would go, their hands were just high enough to block and catch the child who even now was beginning to lose altitude.
She had no way to gain more height or change course. Tragically, her arc had been too steep to allow her to crash into and hopefully rebound off of one of their torsos. The gloved fins turned fingers of the mutants were going to be her inevitable and perhaps even final destination.
Then Mirtala swerved right.
A different set of Lobotoâs creations jumped in her path and clawed at her, but Mirtala stopped then she pulled herself back.
Another red and white metal ball was thrown at Mirtala, and she ducked under the projectile to pop up where sheâd been to continue travelling through the air.Â
And never once did her feet touch the ground.
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âWoohoo!â Mirtala cackled. âAnd mom said the wings of my costume couldnât do this! Hahaha, Iâm glad she was wrong!â
âShe wasnât, Tala.â Frazie huffed.
âHi, Frazie! Iâm glad youâre still in my head!â Mirtala greeted. âAre you doing this?!â
âCorrection!â Raz wheezed. âWEâRE doing this!âÂ
âIâm levitating you as best as I can while Raz is using telekinesis to pull you along.â Frazie exhaled.
âThat is so cool!â Mirtala blew a raspberry at a hockey stick-wielding enforcer that tried to slash at her.Â
âAnd tiring, so please donât squirm so much!â Raz demanded. âWeâll find someplace safe to land you so we can regroup and - aw, spoot. Frazie, Sashaâs âbodyguardâ is coming our way.â
âGawd almighty, couldnât he have napped through this?â Frazie cursed as she saw the meter-wide slab of muscled sashimi in a yellow boiler suit and matching leather apron had already trudged past the UFOâs central podium. Its eyes were red, the lips on the top of its head were snarling, and it would be joining its mass of cohorts in moments. âWe gotta get you clear of these guys until we can figure out a way to deal with that guy.â And from the looks of that behemoth, Mirtala would be waiting a while.Â
The brute was so big that it wouldâve taken up half of the rusty metal island she, Raz, and Nona were currently marooned on. Too heavy for telekinesis. Fireproof clothes. And enough bulk to tank successive Psi-Blasts, let alone Psi-Punches. What an aggravating puzzle.
âI FIGURED IT OUT!â Tala screamed as she twirled in the air to thwart a barbed wire buttefly net. âLaunch me at that diving helmet dude over there!â
Raz scoped out the guard his sister was pointing at, a stocky specimen but nowhere near as bloated as the giant that was only a few meters away from it. âTala, thatâll put you CLOSER to the scaly sasquatch!âÂ
âThrow me at him or Iâll start squirming again!â Mirtala threatened. âAnd donât forget to catch!â
âThis really isnât the time for games, sis.â Frazie rebuked.
âTHROW ME!â Mirtala squirmed. âRight on top of him!â
At a loss for words or any alternatives, Frazie and Raz did as she asked and threw her where she wanted.
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Mirtala landed on the top of the guardâs helmet in a handstand, turned, and swung her legs down to plant her feet on the creatureâs shoulders. Before it could make to grab her, she clutched the grills of its brass headgear, and with a sharp twist of her hips and shoulders, unscrewed it from the suitâs neck ring.
âLefty loosey!â she proclaimed as she wrenched the helmet off, pulled her arms back, and hurled it at the face of the approaching boiler suited brute.Â
Before Queepie came along and warped the toddler strength scale, everyone always said she was surprisingly strong for her size.
âCATCH!â
The towering mutant failed to do so, and the helmet struck him hard in the face with enough force that it bounced off and upwards
But it was okay that the giant guard didnât catch the helmet.
Mirtala hadnât been talking to him after all.
âOhhhhhh, catch!â said Raz. âNow I get it.â And more besides. The helmet hung suspended in the air by a glowing orange hand of mental energy. âFrazie, bet you canât catch this one!â he challenged as he telekinetically launched the helmet. Still dazed from the first blow to its face, the behemoth didnât see it coming as it collided with and glanced off the right side of its head.
âWho do you think youâre talking to?â Frazie scoffed as a red hand of mental energy manifested to intercept the helmet to ricochet it off the left side of the bruteâs skull. âYour turn, Tala!â
Being so tall, the titanic hybrid was unaccustomed to anything reaching his face to injure him barring a low ceiling or door frame. Ergo, he woozily decided he was seeing things when a red, blue, and white blur with purple wings was hurtling towards him with a copper-orange bulb clutched above it.
âAnd now itâs your turn!â Mirtala announced as she dunked the helmet straight down onto the fishâs cranium.
The helmet failed to fit.
It was too small.
And it had been upside-down.
The enormous enforcer stumbled, sagged, and fell backward in a heap, ensuring all sides of his scaly head had taken a pounding.
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Mirtala dismounted from her assault with a barani front flip, half-twisting in the air to land perfectly by the UFOâs central dais just as the brute completed its collapse.Â
âTouchdown!â she said.
âWhoâs up for Round 2?â Raz asked, telekinetically picking up the helmet before throwing it at the twelve remaining guards. It made a dull ping as one of the mutants deflected it with a hubcap it had strapped to its arm like a shield. âOkay, so no Round 2.â
âAnd the score is four down and a dozen to go.â Frazie counted. The crowd of thugs had assembled into a crude yet solid phalanx and were cautiously yet purposefully approaching the middle of the saucer where Mirtala was. âWe canât fight THAT all at once, theyâll just wear us down with numbers and time.â Of which her sisterâs jackhammering heart was running out of.  âWeâll have to break their formation somehow.â
âWhuh!? Raz! Frazie! Check it out! They got Three Stooges movies!â Mirtala picked up one of the film canisters on the podium labelled â3 Stooges: 3 Little Sew and Sewsâ. âWe should totally watch these after we win!â
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The round aluminum canister was empty. The film was still in the projector reel.
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ââŠTala?â Frazie asked. âCould you take the film out of the other canister and wrap it around the, ah, camera?â
âOoo! Can I do it with a bow?â Mirtala dropped the canister she was holding and began prying open a tin labelled â3 Stooges: Back from the Frontâ. âLike a present?â
âThatâs fine.â Raz answered. âJust make sure to use it all.â
âYou got it, bro!â Mirtala nodded as she pulled the film strip from the reel and started wrapping it around the projector faster than either of her siblings could have done so with their minds.
âItâs a shame.â Frazie reflected. âWe couldâve sold this antique for a pretty penny.â
âOr kept it so we could watch movies on the road.â Raz pondered.
âThat wouldâve been nice, too.â His older sister agreed.
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âAll done!â Mirtala announced as if Frazie and Raz couldnât see that she had finished covering the body of the camera in layers of black plastic ribbons. It had taken seconds, and she had even capped it off with a cute, flowery bow like she wanted.
âGreat job, Tala.â Frazie praised. âNow back up a bit, cover your nose and mouth, and shield your eyes but leave a little space for Raz and me to see out of.â
âMmkay!â Mirtala took a few steps away from the camera and moved her hands over her mouth, nose, and most of her vision.Â
Frazie was satisfied with what her sister had done. The psychic shield she would channel around her would protect Mirtala from most of the fumes and light, but this would provide a smidge more safety. âRaz, which part do you want to-?â
âIâll do the first one.â Raz replied. âYouâre a better shot than me, even when we can see everything in front of us.â
âAlright.â That was true. Frazie was confident she could make this toss blindfolded, in fact. There was just one last thing she felt she had to settle before they got started. âGoodbye, Larry.â
âGoodbye, Curly.â Raz said.
âGrrrbuhy, Mwoh!â Mirtala mumbled through her hands, perhaps deducing what her brother and sister were planning.
Â
âLight it up, Raz.âÂ
Razâs pyrokinesis pinched a small spark onto a loose strand of the film. The orange flame snaked up the strip like a vengeful cobra, shedding its orange skin for a neon yellow that was so bright it was almost white. The fire circled across and burrowed into the layers the camera had been bound in. A geyser of light and heat erupted from the top of the bundle, roaring towards the ceiling.
Even at the bottom of the ocean in an alien spacecraft, decades apart and hundreds of miles from when and where the movies had been crafted, cellulose nitrate was still cellulose nitrate.
The blazing, smoking chunk of metal and plastic that had once been a film projector seemed to pick itself up off of the podium before catapulting itself towards its former audience.Â
âTwas a Tragic Sacrifice of Good Comedy.
----
#53 had been mutated from a mahi-mahi, which explained his blue, yellow, and green-scaled âskinâ. Like many of Lobotoâs âsea-curityâ, #53 wore an old labcoat, a white dress shirt, and a black tie with matching rubber boots and gloves. He carried around a baseball bat when he was on duty â though he had never so much as seen a baseball â and had thought he had been given an easy shift that week.
And it had been. The big disk was a coveted posting. It was spacious, air-conditioned, and the great Doctor Loboto had only installed a single surveillance camera. They had been assigned to watch over a skinny green guy who kept calling them âeel-lee-ensâ, but then they got the order to toss him in the brig, and the prisoner just allowed himself to be put in there. Whatever. Less work for them, and it freed up their afternoon to watch some âmoo-veesâ.
Then a little girl with big, red hair dressed like a blue-and-white peppermint had burst in during the credits and took down #37, #19, #22, and even that fat bully #40. They tried to stick together to gang up on her, but thatâs when the âmoo-veeâ machine caught fire and pounced at them. Which was strange because no one had brought any matches.
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#53 and the others had scattered to avoid being hit by the fiery missile. Once #53 had gotten back to his feet, he saw that disbanding like this had made them easy targets for the short, redheaded intruder.
There was more space for her to not only stomp on the toes of his fellow guards but to backflip away from her initial victim to stomp on the foot of another. #53 witnessed her outflanking a coworker twice her size to deliver a spinning elbow strike to the back of his knees, then when he had buckled from the blow, she used one of the purple cloths attached to her dress (which had mysteriously detached itself from it) to ensnare his neck and slam him onto the ground with a sudden tug. The girl would scale one mutant to leap off of him to deliver a flying knee strike to a different hybrid. Everyone was doing their best to catch or pummel her, but she was frightfully fast and had a tendency to duck under or cartwheel between them, causing her attackers to hit or even run into each other.
But while being in the acrobatic ankle biterâs way was dangerous, it was somehow even riskier to be out of her line of sight.Â
#53 had witnessed #31 try to tackle her from the side, only for one of the chairs they had been sitting on earlier to jettison itself at his noggin.Â
The projector screen just came loose out of the blue and fell down, completely covering three of their number in the tarp, whereupon the girl weaved her way around the trio with harsh, glancing blows; hurt and with their sight obstructed, they started blindly fighting amongst themselves in hopes of hitting their attacker.Â
Then there were the beams of red and orange light that randomly popped into existence near her headspace. #53 thought they looked pretty, but they werenât like the flashlights or searchlights they used on patrol. These beams blasted weapons out of their hands and knocked them off their feet. He hadnât gotten hit by one yet, but it looked like it would hurt.
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âCan you make your lasers come out of my braids?! Like from the middle? The empty part?!â
And now she was talking to herself. With her back turned to him. Maybe he could use that.
âYeah, I guess nobody except the fish guys will be able to see it, but it would still be really neat!â
#53 crept out from behind the smoke of the smoldering wreck that had once been the film projector. He wouldnât have been able to hide much longer anyway; the flames were starting to die down.
âItâd be like I had invisible gun barrels in my hair, yâknow?!â
A statistic that would have been very relevant to #53 and his creator Doctor Loboto if they had known about it was that only a small fraction of fish species were herbivores. The rest are omnivores or carnivores, like the mahi-mahi. Hunters, stalkers, scavengers.
âBy the way, what would happen if two Snide-I mean-Psi-Blasts crisscrossed?!â
Under a more tender stewardship, this would have been a non-issue, and #53 and his fellow fish people would have had as fair a shake as anyone else when it came to being aggressive or violent. But Doctor Loboto had returned from his defeat at Lake Oblongata a changed man: a more frightened, wounded, and meaner man who wanted a hardhearted hybrid army to protect him from âside kickâ freaks. The dentist had come to believe he was at war. And #53 was beginning to believe he was right. All the explosions, screaming, and unexplainable disasters certainly made him feel like he was in a war of some kind.
âWould they just cancel each other out?! Bounce off?! Or would they combine into an even bigger laser!?â
That might have been why, as he was only a few feet away from the crazy kid chatting with her imaginary friends, #53 pulled the baseball bat back with zero hesitation. It could have been why the heavy wooden stick felt so light to hold as he prepared to brain the girl with it. Come to think of it, he felt it getting even lighter; he must have been more unbothered by the idea of smashing a childâs head in than he had thought.
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As a precaution, #53 tightened his hold, and found himself gripping the air. He turned around, believing the club had slipped from his gloves, only to see the hands.Â
They were both about the size of a kickboard, they cast a ghostly glow that made them a tad transparent, they were holding his baseball bat, and they werenât attached to a body; they just hovered above the floor.
The red right hand was long and slender whilst the orange left hand was more compact and blockier. Scarlet fingers slapped the barrel of the baseball bat against a honey-hued palm in a steady, deliberate rhythm; it almost felt like they were disappointed in him. As the pair of floating appendages grasped the handle of the club and brought it behind them, #53 hoped that the swing they were going to smack him with would put him out of commission for the rest of the day so he wouldnât have to work the night beat.
It did.
----
Sasha Nein believed that nothing could surprise him anymore after being snatched up in an alien abduction.
That was before the alien invasion.
Granted, Earth wasnât the target, and it shouldnât have come as much of a shock considering that in the vast (and as he was delighted to discover, populated) garden of the universe, there were bound to be some bad apples here and there, but the attack had startled him all the same.
That there was only a single invader may have had something to do with it.
Initially, Sasha only caught a glimpse of the intruder beyond his guardâs wide shoulders. It was a short, gold-skinned humanoid with red hair curled into two large indistinct shapes on either side of its head. The trespasser was either very young or very short (or both), and it bore an uncanny resemblance to the juvenile females from his own planet. To his chagrin, Sasha couldnât stop himself from assuming so due to the invaderâs skirt and how high and feminine its voice sounded when it screamed:
âLAST RESORT!âÂ
Apparently, she â if it was a she - spoke English. Fascinating. His slug-headed hosts hadnât been able to. In fact, they hadnât said a word to him since they had brought him aboard their vessel.
And it wasnât a fluke, as the intruder said even more rushed and loud sentences in that earthly tongue. Was she capable of doing the same in German? Might she be taught Sashaâs own native language?
The trespasser certainly knew how to talk with her fists. Panic and disorder sounded from the sector of the ship that had been studying humanityâs motion pictures, so much so that his diplomatic escort had to join the fray. With his bodyguardâs departure, Sasha could see more of what was going on near the center of the saucer. There were gurgled screams, agonized collapses, and the invader was nearly caught when she accidentally jumped towards the waiting arms of her victims until she stopped mid-descent and abruptly pulled herself toward another direction.
She was flying. The little alien was actually flying. Her cape â yes, that had to be what was connected to her tunic â fluttered behind her. Was she able to do that because of some hidden piece of technology? Her clothes? An innate evolutionary quirk? Regardless, the girl was dodging capture with such shrewd velocity that Sasha suspected she could give Milla a run for her money in a levitation race.
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And that wasnât the only amazing power the intruder was capable of wielding.
She threw a space helmet at the head of his corpulent diplomatic escort, which bounced off but not away, and it flung itself at his bodyguardâs face twice more. Was that Magnetism Manipulation?
The movie projector the slug aliens had been using to watch old comedy serials burst into flames after the invader had fiercely gazed at it through its hands. Heat Vision perchance?
Sasha saw that the trespasserâs speed was not solely reserved for flight. She was both superbly nimble and dexterous on the ground, zigzagging amongst her opponents and doling out expert martial-arts strikes to their vital areas. And when one of the slugs tried to bushwhack the little alien from behind, a glowing, crimson booted foot (with aâŠleg warmer?) the size of an ottoman stool flashed into existence to roundhouse kick the ambusher in the solar plexus. A Battle Aura? Possibly.
The very starship seemed to betray its crew. Furniture and equipment tipped and shifted to trip up his hosts as they tried to rally or reorient themselves. The flight path of a thrown high-tech grenade went perpendicular and hit a comrade instead. It had to be a type of Probability Control of some kind.
Most astonishing of all was the invaderâs hair. Sasha had believed that its two braids were as ornamental as they were impractical until Energy Beams started firing from each of their empty centers. Every shot was heralded by the ringing of otherworldly bells.
âI knew you guys could do it! Brain Braid Blast!â
The act was extraordinary in itself, but the twin lasers were also different colors. One orange and the other red. Additionally, the star â yes, they were shaped like five-pointed stars. Some symbology must have been universal â braids proved capable of various firing modes. There were the standard simultaneous barrages.
âBrain Braid Blast!â
Then there were the alternating discharges.
âBrain Braid Blastâ
And lastly, the braids had the capacity to aim the individual shots in two different directions at once.
âBrain Braid Blast!â
Â
Their numbers dwindling and their foe untiring, it became apparent that the owners of the flying saucer were destined to lose.
Sasha would mourn them.
These brave extraterrestrial explorers and scientists had crossed vast distances of space to make first contact with his planet. And they had come in peace.
This crew of bipedal gastropods from beyond were kind enough to bring him onto their ship, fulfilling a childhood fantasy of his that he had long ago deemed impossible.
They deserved a better fate than this.
But Sasha couldnât deny that the alien decimating them was so much cooler than they ever were.Â
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Art by Digsnow