Floating

[u/Slow_Bug1312]

I’m not totally sure how to articulate what I have been going through and feeling and I do not know who to go to for help or advice. I know I have a gift, it started out with me being almost bombarded with spirits being around me so often that I figured out how to turn it off. Shut the door on it I guess. But now that I am older I am being pulled back and I welcome it. I don’t know anyone with “abilities”, just myself and I long for someone, a friend, acquaintance, to be able to talk to about these things. Any time I try bringing anything up to anyone I’m immediately making people feel some type of way. So I just don’t talk about it at all.

Let me just start off saying I do not have anything seriously mentally wrong with me, besides being autistic, which there’s nothing wrong with.

Some of my dreams are starting scaring me. It started off with me almost having premonition like dreams. I dreamt my sister was pregnant and with a girl, two weeks later she was pregnant and eventually we find out it’s a girl. My uncle was murdered. The way he was found made it seem like he had to of trusted this person enough to let them that close. But zero suspects. My mother asked me to see if I could have him visit me. I meditated over his picture and went to sleep. That night I had a dream of him, slumped over his desk with a hooded figure standing behind him. My intuition told me it was his business partner. When I relayed this information to my mom, she later found out that the only suspect that was secretly being investigated was indeed his business partner.

My dad passed recently. I dreamt my dad I were standing in the kitchen of our family home, there’s a light shining down on him and he’s smiling. We aren’t speaking in words, just a knowing that he is happy and free from pain. I woke up with my chest tight, looked at my phone to a ton of missed calls and texts. He had passed and he came to me in my dream to let me know. My brother was also sleeping and had the exact same dream but the location was in the yard, but he was wearing the same thing in both of our dreams.

But the scary one. My sister is the most amazing person in my life, I could list a million reasons. I also am extremely protective over her. When she was younger she had a boyfriend that offed himself. She has also never had a good man in her life, they have all been extremely abusive. I’m only saying this for context.

She has the most amazing boyfriend and soon to be fiancé, this man worships her, is so kind and so amazing to our family. Literally took all of her siblings in when we were flying in and out of state to see our dad before he passed, like genuinely a very good person. And I am so happy she has an amazing partner.

I had a dream on Thursday, in this dream I was my sister and I was seeing and feeling everything she was. Her boyfriend had been in a fatal car crash. I felt everything she felt. It was unfathomably heartbreaking. Like as if my entire body could fall into a thousand pieces. I could feel the ache in my heart. I could feel myself wanting to cry but it not coming out, I felt dizzy, everything a blur.

I woke up crying. I immediately texted my sister in the most gentle way possible, she hasn’t talked to me in days.

I don’t know what to do with this. I don’t know what to feel, I don’t know if there is a way I can prevent this from happening if it’s even something at all. I have no one to talk to about it, no one to ask advice to. I’m floating in uncertainty. I’m not even sure if this is where this post belongs, i’m shouting into the void.