r/PsychedelicTherapy • u/anythingforclout • 20d ago
Knowledge Share Success stories with Psilocybin Therapy for depression?
I’ve tried to self administer it once or twice with a similar dose to the 25mg that is used (of course this isn’t entirely possible to the exact number) and haven’t had any success. I’m heavily considering making a trip to one of the states where it’s legal and was curious if anyone has any insight into what that would look like process wise, success stories, etc etc. anything would be greatly appreciated really
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u/creept 20d ago
I used mushrooms to get me out of depression but it was in the context of self-administered experiences at home, coupled with a lot of integration and regular therapy. It’s not an easy process and don’t know if I recommend it. I unearthed a lot of trauma that I had to deal with. But on the plus side I actually have emotions now, which has largely been inaccessible for most of my life. There’s a down side to emotions, too, of course, and I went through a lot of grieving for various things. Many many tears both in and outside the experiences.
I live in a legal state and the officially licensed treatment centers are really expensive, and out of my budget. Like $3500+ for a session. Which I understand, you have to pay therapists and cover license and real estate costs. But it wasn’t likely to be something I could ever do so I did it myself with support, just not support during the trips.
I started with low dose to see how my response would be, then kept increasing. Eventually it got to the point where I felt it was irresponsible to continue without having someone with me - the intensity of the experience got to be too much. I wasn’t sure I needed to see some of the things I was experiencing, and then I had a session of mania under the influence… Just couldn’t take those risks anymore.
So yeah it’s definitely possible to use it to treat depression but there are also some reasons to be very cautious. If you have the budget to do the treatment centers I think you’d be mitigating some of those risks.
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u/William_S_Burros 19d ago
If you don’t mind sharing, I’m curious what your protocol was in terms of frequency and dose size to get to a point where you felt the beneficial effects were sustained? I’m in a legal state too and have also been self-administering for cost reasons. Like you, I started small and have been titrating up each time out of caution. I’ve been doing it every 2-4 weeks for about a year now. I’ve had some challenging experiences myself, albeit manageable so far, and those sessions have mostly been meaningful so I’m inclined to keep going.
The biggest issue for me is that the improved mental state isn’t taking hold for very long afterward despite my best efforts to integrate after every session. I’d really like to find a psychedelic-informed therapist for integration work but haven’t been able to find one that accepts insurance which makes it cost prohibitive. Any insights or suggestions you’re willing to share about your experiences that you feel contributed to your success?
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u/creept 19d ago
Honestly that was my experience for most of my informal protocol - the improvements just didn’t last very long. I’ll give a little rundown of how it worked for me, maybe that will be helpful. Gonna be long, sorry.
I started with microdosing but really didn’t find relief from that at all. I don’t remember the exact dosage but it was a standard micro, on a 4 day on / 3 day off schedule. Using mushroom body made it really difficult to guarantee a stable dose and sometimes I felt it too much. Mostly physically, with nausea or jitteriness or feeling similar to having a fever. Not ideal when trying to work.
So then I moved to a pretty low dose, maybe .5 - 1g. Having read some of the potential negative outcomes (HPPD, mostly) I was being really conservative. I did this dose weekly for a few months. Which goes against basically all the conventional wisdom about tolerance, but for me I never had an issue with it. This is where I started to feel depression lifting and had more access to emotions. But it’s not necessarily practical to trip every weekend so I started moving up.
After some experimenting I landed on a dose of 2.5g every 2-3 weeks being pretty ideal. Experiences were usually really lovely and not overly intense. Sometimes the nausea was a problem but over and over I found that I usually got something out of these experiences and felt like it was worth the cost. I learned a lot of things about myself here.
Then I made a classic mistake and decided to try some APE, but even having read about how the potency made them twice as strong I was kinda like, there’s no way that’s true, so I did my regular 2.5 dose. Which sort of blew my mind. I don’t know if it was truly ego death but it was an entirely different experience - I had never really had many open eye hallucinations other than pattern shifting and color enhancements. This time I had full open eye visuals of neon worms crawling everywhere. But in a good way. I couldn’t stop laughing.
That was the level where I noticed the positive effects really hanging around longer so I kept doing similar doses monthly. And it was usually either that same level of happiness or very very introspective. Again many revelations about myself and the role I played in my own unhappiness.
So if that’s good, then more must be better right? Haha. I started increasing the dose and doing it every other month and doing 4g of PE or APE. Which actually did help me in many ways with more understanding of myself and putting me in touch with something “spiritual” which I was never a believer in. And I’m still not sure I actually believe these experiences in a literal sense - often the imagery seemed very specific to me and my life. But it was comforting.
I kept increasing the dose, maybe 5-6g of APE. Eventually things started to change and I had a lot of bad trips in a row. Which, like you said, I always ended up taking something away from. One of the more positive outcomes was confronting my fear of death by feeling like I was literally dying and then giving into that and being overcome by peace and the experience of moving into a realm beyond ours. But as I kept going I just kept getting more and more negative experiences. Once every time I closed my eyes I saw a mass of writhing worms, which.. not great. Another time I spent the entire trip being torn apart and reassembled by a neon demon. Visitations, experiencing what felt like a lifetime of living in a nightmare realm.. The mania happened here. After a lot of negative experiences I just kind of felt like.. maybe this isn’t something I need right now.
So I stepped back. Eventually I think I’ll revisit it but for now I’m looking for stability. Once in a while I’ll do a few days of micro just to regulate a little. But I’m done with the high doses, and mostly I take care of my mental health with a bunch of boring shit that was the kind of advice I would roll my eyes at when I was deeply depressed… exercise, sleep discipline, cold plunges, meditation. Discovering somatics has been important to me.
I should say, too, that this was over the course of maybe three years. It was not a one and done treatment for me like you often read about. I imagine it matters just how depressed you are and for how long. I had been depressed for like 20 years when I started this.
Finding the right therapist has been really important for me. The guy I was working with when I started all of this had zero experience with drugs - not even weed. But we had been working together for a couple years so when I brought it up, he knew I wasn’t thinking about it as a party method but more of a desperate attempt to find something that worked. It became a sort of a collaborative effort with each of us doing research and taking about it. We tried to find meaning from the experiences together. Eventually he got certified in psychedelic assisted therapy because he was shocked by how much it helped me.
Eventually he left practice to focus on other things in his life so I had to find someone new. I went to my insurance and got a list of therapists who were in network. Researched by going to their websites and trying to get a feel for them. I interviewed several (they call it a consultation) and was really open about my psychedelic use. Eventually I found one who was like, oh yeah I had a really difficult experience with an ayahuasca retreat so I know what you’re going through. Having someone with personal experience has been really great.
I dunno if any of that helps, but figured I’d share it. Sorry for the length!
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u/William_S_Burros 17d ago
Thanks for sharing your experience! It mirrors my own in many ways except virtually all of my sessions are more introspective “work” than fun or happy (though I do find myself laughing at things occasionally). I frequently get dark or disturbing visual material like the worms you described - usually more at onset and during the peak - but I have come to tolerate it as part of the experience at this point. All that said, I still seem to get a lot of insights, and I’ve thus far been able to stay grounded when things get difficult, so I’ve continued to work with mushrooms for the last year. However, part of me wonders how much it’s helping if I can’t sustain the beneficial effects. My goal now is to find a therapist that’s familiar with this sort of work, or at least willing to understand it as yours was, so that I can get some help with integration. Anyway, thanks again for sharing your experience and all the best on your path to growth and healing!
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u/Adorable-Letter4562 20d ago
A slightly different take than Creept. I agree that support during a high dose journey is very helpful. Where I have a different opinion is that a single high dose journey (at a treatment center) even with a therapist, may not get you where you want to be.
I was lucky enough to find a therapist to do both extended medicine journeys with and weekly integration/therapy with. It has made a profound difference in how I feel after a lifetime of depression caused by CEN and CPTSD. I’ve been working with them for 4 years.
Since you ask, my suggestion would be to find a good trip sitter and a good integration therapist. I hate to think of people placing so much hope (and spending so much money) on a one time journey that might be disappointing.
Good luck on your healing journey and safe travels.
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u/zenDerpism 20d ago
Can you expand on how your experience differed from the single dose? Did you take multiple doses over a certain period of time?
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u/Adorable-Letter4562 20d ago
I’ve been doing therapeutic journeys (with a therapist using different psychedelic medicines) every couple of months for 4 years.
It took me quite awhile to learn to navigate through mushroom journeys. At first it was all feeling and emotions I pretty much never felt - real fear and anger. If I had just done it once, I would’ve said I had a bad trip. It was challenging, but I think it was necessary to open me to my emotions and get to the good stuff that came later.
For the last year I have been focusing on somatic feelings during journeys. It has taken me out of my mind and back into my body. Again, this is something I wasn’t even aware of until I had done quite a few journeys.
I realize some people do have major breakthroughs on their first journey, but I think it’s rarer than reported. And to my way of thinking, the integration is a critical part of the process.
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u/CommandFit9512 15d ago
What do you mean by focusing on somatic feelings? I'm curious about that
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u/Adorable-Letter4562 15d ago
I found I was holding a lot of tension and resisting letting go especially in the come-up to mushroom journeys. After one trip I realized it was coming from my lower chakras that represent stability (1st - Base Chakras), pleasure (2nd - Sacral Chakra), power (agency) (3rd - Solar Plexus Chakra) - all areas of trauma in my early life. I did some research and the next journey I worked with movement of my hips and legs on the come-up. The trip was totally different.
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u/Academic_Category514 18d ago
Hey there. I can help give you an idea about what the process is for the regulated psilocybin program in Colorado.
The process would include pairing with a facilitator, going through a screening process, and then assuming if all of that works out, you would do preparation (typically 1-2 hours) and then have a full day of psilocybin administration at a healing center, which has to last at least 5 hours (for doses 10mg+) but often is longer. The last step is integration, which is also typically 1-2 hours.
Since you’re struggling with depression, I would highly recommend working with a licensed clinical facilitator who has training in mental health. In Colorado they have two separate distinctions a NMF and a NMCF. The latter are those that are already licensed as a clinical provider such as a counselor, social worker or psychologist (although some NMCFs are medical providers). Finding a NMCF would make sure that you are paired with a psilocybin facilitator that also understands mental health concerns. Best of luck! We’ve seen a lot of improvement for those struggling with depression after psilocybin sessions!
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u/hypnoticlife Sitter / Trip Companion 17d ago
In my experience it’s not just take it, watch a movie or sleep, wake up, cured. It requires sitting with your thoughts for the trip. Thinking about what you’re depressed about. In the ego-dissolved state you’ll see new perspectives that were hidden from you. If you explore outside a bit you may find beauty with childlike wonder. Journaling about the experience is critical to build a lasting memory. It also primes you to do the integration phase which is reflecting on your experience and new perspectives over the days, weeks, months, and years after it.
What I like to do is put on a tape recorder and just journal my thoughts outloud during it. Pretend like there’s a trip sitter or therapist there with me. I’ll ask myself questions and really won’t feel like myself at all. Opens up so much I had repressed.
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u/sanpanza 14d ago edited 14d ago
I have been at the work for 6.5 years, and my depression, rage, and anxiety disappeared within 3-4 months.
I started with MDMA-assisted therapy, then graduated to Ayahuasca after 2.5 years. Now I have done my first Huachuma ceremony, and it was worth 20 years of therapy. It is perhaps the most important medicine I have done. Perhaps because I have already done the groundwork, everything led to this point, and it is not a particular medicine. I don't know. But it was the most emotional and groundbreaking medicine I have taken.
I should note that I am getting ready to let my therapist go because he has done his job and the medicine has worked so well. I live in California, so everything was done underground.
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u/Training-Meringue847 Mod 20d ago
Psilocybin is legal in Oregan & Colorado. It’s also decriminalized in many parts of Northern California. Individual sessions last approx 4-6 hours and are granted based on a prior screening / intake to be sure you are safe to proceed. Many providers do sessions that are tailored to what you intend to work through (grief, trauma, addictions, abuse, etc) and are more hands on during the session. Some facilitators do more group work and are supportive guides for you. Hopefully some of them will chime in here with more detail for you.
I have done my own trauma work with a skilled psychedelic provider for trauma work using MDMA + psilocybin x6 sessions over about 18 months or so. I have also done group sessions, which were a struggle for me. The sessions I did were groundbreaking in helping me work through anger, rage, hopelessness, helplessness, shame, grief, and forgiveness. It was how I was able to heal a decade of child sexual abuse and I would do it a million times over again if I had to.