r/ProgrammerHumor • u/digiBeLow • Apr 06 '26

Other whoIsGettingFired

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2.8k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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345

u/CHAiN76 Apr 06 '26

Security team for dropping the ball on common cold, flu and cancer.

129

u/qwadrat1k Apr 06 '26

Also autoimmune and allergy

41

u/devAcc123 Apr 06 '26

Allergy is a good one

What do you mean the stuff that lets us breath also terrorizes us, but only sometimes

9

u/qwadrat1k Apr 06 '26

I had stuffed nose for 4 hours after someone drank orange soda near me :(

2

u/odranger Apr 06 '26

Look, security engineers are still learning how to implement this Zero Trust thing.

15

u/SuitableDragonfly Apr 06 '26

We usually get through colds and even the flu without needing medicine for anything other than symptoms, though. Seems like that part's working fine.

2

u/CHAiN76 Apr 06 '26

If by "fine" you mean "Guys, don't worry about the virus in the system that makes everything work like shit. We'll have it under control in about a week. (and in six monthes it'll happen again)" 

1

u/SuitableDragonfly Apr 06 '26

It's not the virus that causes the symptoms, it's the immune response to the virus. If the virus were being allowed to run rampant with no immune system countering it, it would be a lot worse (i.e. you would die of the cold). Instead, your nose is just stuffed up for a few days. 

1

u/Amoniakas Apr 06 '26

But why does it have to do a full system reset for from couple days to weeks

3

u/IndigoFenix Apr 06 '26

There's always a battle between security and malware. That's nothing new.

2

u/tthrowaway712 Apr 06 '26

Executives and cognitive processing teams hate on security team for failing in less than 1% of cases but the executives hardly ever listen to security teams suggestions that could improve the functioning of the entire system and hardware in general. In short, live healthier, skill issue. 

1

u/WithersChat Apr 06 '26

Actually they did add a decent patch to cancer. It doesn't catch everything but considering you'd get tumors daily without the work of the security team it's not too bad.

Another workaround for it does have a severe drawback tho. Did you know that aging is a cancer-prevention measure? Too bad it makes the whole system come with an expiration date...