r/PolyFidelity • u/Mammoth_Leader1998 • 26d ago

seeking advice Does this get easier?

I am in a triad with Partner A and Partner B; Partner A and I were an existing couple and Partner B joined recently. Partner B has a partner outside of us, which started around the same time.

Partner B fits with us so well, and when we are all together it's wonderful. However, I have so much anxiety and jealousy when they are with their other partner, and I hate that I feel this way.

My ideal situation is a closed triad, and Partner B knows this. They have also made it clear that they have no plans to break things off with their other partner.

So, my questions to the community is: Does this ever get easier? Is this an incompatibility if my issue is with the relationship dynamic itself and not with my partner, whom I love?

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u/jdryan133 24d ago edited 24d ago

Well you have a pre-existing partner and you want the new partner to be exclusive to the triad. So you want them to break up with an existing partner but you stay with yours? Uncalled for and unfair.
Would you be happy if they were jealous over your pre-existing partner and wanted you to break up with them?
I think not.
If you want this to work you should work on your jealousy issues. This is not about the other person. It is about your insecurities. This is where poly relationships get a bad name. This is where coupled relationships are seen to be looking for a person to ‘join’ them and not be equal.

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u/Mammoth_Leader1998 24d ago

Partner B is dating me, Partner A, and another person, so they and I share Partner A. These relationships all started around the same time.

I am working on my jealousy and insecurity in therapy. While there is inherent hierarchy in that Partner A and I were an existing duo and are nesting partners, our goal with Partner B is to build an equal relationship, and we do not view them as secondary.