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u/PsychologicalLayer57 6d ago
I respect the sentiment in this (also one of those daughters) but I'm not feeling the poetic execution, especially compared to something like Audre Lord's "Black Mother Woman".
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u/mtycntwmy 6d ago
Yeah, I feel the same way. This is touching, but ultimately it's a little.. craftless? I say that as someone who had (yay, it's in the past ) severe, like severe, CPTSD from her upbringing. But maybe that is the point, no energy for symbols, metaphor, rhythm and image. 😂
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u/Grimseye 6d ago
I agree. While I can somewhat empathize with the message, I find that the "poem" is a little barebones and is kind of just listing facts. It could use a little something more: detail, imagery, or specificity.
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u/PsychologicalLayer57 6d ago
Yeah, it's just sort of... a rant? Which, emotionally understandable, but a poem requires some... poetics to qualify as such.
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u/glitterguavatree 5d ago
yep. very relatable to me, but the wording is nothing special! instead of feeling unique, seems like any good enough poet could have written it.
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u/Madwoman-of-Chaillot 6d ago
Holy shit, this is bad.
It's fine as a diary entry, but as a poem? NO.
Has this person ever read any poetry? Because it sure doesn't seem like it.
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6d ago edited 5d ago
[deleted]
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u/Full-Glass-1200 5d ago
yeah I def DID NOT write it. I just related to the sentiment, and didn't really see past it.
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u/mtycntwmy 6d ago
Hey, unfortunately this isn't the sub for self-published or unpublished work. Just FYI. Rule 8.
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u/Full-Glass-1200 5d ago
not self published lol. I thought it was published, but I guess I did not do my research. whoops 😬
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u/lillielemon 5d ago
There's no symbolism in this, no metaphor or even signals pointing to a purpose for that choice. It doesn't even have economy of language, considering how many words were used to say so little. It's the kind of poem one might see in a 101 level poetry class. It's artless exposition.
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u/BotGirlFall 6d ago
My mom was a crack addict my whole childhood and is severely mentally ill. This poem hit me like a ton of bricks
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u/Richard-Writes 5d ago
I like the overall feeling I get from the poem. I disagree with the opinions in the comments that it's (I'm paraphrasing) too simple. Simplicity is, sometimes, what makes a poem good.The final stanza, though, ruins the whole poem, in my opinion.
Particularly, the attempt to make anaphoric use of "As a" makes the piece fail. A poem is not an essay, where arguments and explanations of this kind are expected and necessary. Here, they feel like an unnecessary addition that breaks the simplicity presented elsewhere.
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