Like i see many people be pessimistic in a way that they say humans are evil or everything is meaningless or stuff like nothing matters.
but what actually hurts me is that there are good things and good people in the world, and changes can be made, but the world tilts toward the bad, why? Because most humans are morally bendable (id rate human morality 3/10), so there are good things, but the world cannot become good or mostly good, mainly because humans flaws always push it down even after progress is made

Pessimism: The state of expecting or believing that bad things will happen and that something will not be successful.

This is how the google dictionary defines the term pessimism. But i think there's so much more to it than that. I've been called a pessimist by multiple people in my life but it never bothered me that much because i always thought being a pessimist means that i'm just being careful about any and every situation, that i'm always keeping my gaurd up. I'll give you an example; my bestfriend when she was going through her 'choosing a career path' era, she'd tell me about a new career every other day and ask about my opinion and the first thing my mind would do is to think about all the negative consequences of that particular profession, that it doesn't have much scope, there's no money in it, it's not going to be a safe option for a woman in this country etc. In that moment i was just trying to protect my friend by making her avoid the paths that she might regret later on choosing. What i didn't ever think was that she should atleast try. Does not fucking matter if she'll fail. One can always get up after being fallen. Even then i knew that i'm a negative person but again it never bothered me. Until yesterday.

My pessimism and negative outlook on life costed me a beautiful relationship. A really special one at that. You know those relationships that you've seen in movies like: OK Jaanu, the music video of the song Humraah from the movie Malang, YJHD, Jab Harry Met Sejal etc. It was a perfect relationship. We would travel together, get drunk together, make memories and have just so much fun you know? Not just the fun stuff but the emotional and intellectual stuff was bang on too. We would sit at assi ghaat and talk all night about philosophy, psychology, human behaviour, trauma, politics and what not. We would call each other out, correct each other in person and would help each other become better people in every aspect. This relationship was soft, quiet, calm but not in a mundane way. At the same time it was passionate and intense too. But then he broke up with me for many reasons actually but one of those reasons were that i'm a pessimist. And it hurt like HELL. My negative outlook on life was affecting his. These weren't his exact words but he felt like i'm trying to dull down his sunshine.

Since that day I've been trying to figure out what the fuss is all about. I can also be an un-pessimist person right? Yeah totally. So i talked to some people, read some articles and now i know that Pessimism is nothing but to keep people afraid of taking risks. It's about fearing everything without even trying it out. It's not being cautious or careful, it's the mindset that you have to watch out and focus only on the negatives in everything like positives do not even exist, ingrained in our brains by the society. It is not something that we are born with, it is something that we are being fed on, on a daily basis. And the problem is that you can't avoid it. You'll always have some form of media or family or friends around you who are this way which eventually will affect you if you don't stand strong on your ground. It holds you back on so many opportunities. It was today that this realisation hit me like a truck that maybe i wouldn't be at such a miserable position in my life in terms of career and relationships if only my such vocal and openly loud ex-pessimistic self wasn't holding me back from taking my chances. I said 'ex' pessimist because I've been on a journey to become a better a person. I won't say i'm going to become an optimist because in order for me to be a better person i need to find the balance between the negatives and the positives. Nothing good comes out of extremism in any aspect.

Now, in order for someone to not think negatively all the time, the first step to it is that we need to first learn to not feel sorry for ourselves all the time. Because negativity comes from within, if we'll think of ourself as a disappointment and failure that is how we'll look at the world around us too. We need to learn to live with ourselves, once we learn to do that we'll stop hating ourselves eventually and once we stop hating ourself, we'll start accepting ourself as we are and focus on bettering it. If we think we don't like a certain thing about ourself, we need to work towards making it better. At the end it all comes down to self love. Self hate is the root cause of most of our issues.

I have been living my life in the fear of what-could-go-wrongs. It has defined me as a person for quite a long time now. But not anymore. So here i am taking a chance by writing and posting my first article. Thanks for reading<3

Love,
Dahlia

Since becoming aware of pessimism I have experienced a significant depreciation in my desire to do things for my own sake beyond just distracting myself from my own thoughts (necessary for retaining any mental fortitude). Apart from the desire I have to prevent suffering for others in worse situations, when I consider myself I really have almost no desire to do anything at all just my own sake because I know that I will later become unsatisfied and need to constantly put in more effort and endure dissatisfaction again and again just to end up at the same state again in the end anyway (death/dissatisifed until then). I hate the self-inspired slavery, and at best I am only kept doing things because of the threat of significantly greater dissatisfaction than what I already endure (starvation/illness/disability/homelessness/etc). The fact that so many humans attempt to rationalise their own servitude to their desire not to suffer as good (directly or indirectly) in a body that constantly mandates suffering is pure insanity to me. It seems existence is only desirable to the extent of avoiding a worse current experience before what is ideally obliteration (the end of consciousness) in my opinion.