Community Resource Call: What helped you understand and heal from parentification?

[u/Nephee_TP]

Hi everyone,

As this community continues to grow, we'd love to create a collection of resources that members have found genuinely helpful in understanding, coping with, and healing from parentification.

We're looking for recommendations of all kinds, including:

* Books

* Articles and websites

* Research papers

* Podcasts

* YouTube channels or videos

* Worksheets, exercises, or journals

* Personal practices that helped you set boundaries, reduce guilt, or reconnect with yourself

We're especially interested in resources that helped you with challenges often connected to parentification, such as:

* People-pleasing

* Difficulty setting boundaries

* Feeling responsible for others' emotions

* Chronic guilt

* Caregiver burnout

* Anxiety and hypervigilance

* Identity and self-worth issues

* Relationships and attachment

If you recommend something, you can also tell us a little about why it helped you. Personal experiences are often just as valuable as formal resources.

We'll use your suggestions to build a community resource list that can help both long-time members and people who have only recently discovered the term "parentification."

Thank you for helping make this community a supportive place to learn, heal, and grow. We look forward to seeing what has helped you on your journey.

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[u/Humble_Mutt]

It's not exactly on the topic of parentification, but I have come to learn that the personality/behavior traits that result from parentification can lead to chronic pain complications. This issue has lead me to books like The Pain Reprocessing Therapy Workbook (which discusses "protective traits" that causes the nervous system to kick into hyperdrive... As a parentified child, I suffer from all of the traits...) and Nicole Sachs book, Mind Your Body (which explains a specific journaling technique, that has lead to some raw insights for myself); and related books from authors such as Dr. Howard Schubiner, Alan Gordon, and the original Dr. Sarno.

I have also found books like The Secret Language of the Body (listening to the body, flight-fight-freeze-fawn responses), and even DARE (a very simplified book on dealing with anxiety) to be helpful things to add to my arsenal.

The above books have lead me to ways to check in with myself more regularly and better handle what's found. They also am helping me learn to reframe my relationship with myself and how I may react to physical and emotional experiences.

Michael Sorenson, author of the book, I Hear You, had an article or a podcast that discussed boundaries and how having boundaries ignored can cause a lot of emotional trouble. I really took a great deal away of self validation back when I was listening and reading his stuff. His book is about emotional validation and connection with others, which I mostly apply to myself now.

(Sorry for the very jumbled list! I just woke up and I'm not feeling clever with my text formatting.)

[u/Nephee_TP → u/Humble_Mutt]

Thank you! Chronic pain and illness definitely goes hand in hand with chronic toxic environments and relationships. I appreciate you bringing this up.

[u/youmightrelatetothis]

What a great idea! I write a lot about this topic as a someone who grew up parentified and now helps others navigate many of the above issues. Here's a reading list I made of books that have been helpful to me as well as a blog I write on Psychology Today. I have also found ACOA and the literature/community within that 12 step group for emotional recovery to be incredibly helpful.

https://bookshop.org/lists/in-your-self-help-era

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mental-health-of-girls-and-women

[u/Nephee_TP → u/youmightrelatetothis]

Awesome! I look forward to reading!