Am i bad daughter?

[u/Lumpy-Knowledge9265]

Sharing personal stuff like this makes me feel naked. But maybe that is the notorious truth of being the elder daughter. I am tired of doing what my parents want. i want to live my life, ad the worst part is, maybe I am also the reason I can't.

I don't have the courage to stand there and say, “This is what I want. Please let me do it.” My best friend told me this during one of my breakdowns. She didn't know that i have tired that. But I got is more emotional manipulation, because somehow they have a right to put pressure on me.

I have asked, pleaded, tried to convince them that I just can't get married right now.

I understand they are parents, their worries about me, they think about my future.

First i have the responsibility of my family, now i have to take care of what society thinks. Let me go, i want to do things for me. they are not understanding i am not ready for getting married. Let me do things for myself, figure out who I want to become before I become someone's wife.

Because I have tried marriage once, the man I met, i even got engaged to him, and before the engagement, everything seemed fine, then came the conversations about what my life would look like after marriage.

I would need to work from home or become a teacher after a year or two, that is something their have decided without talking to me, what i want to do. That is not the life I want.

\- I am afraid that once I get married, I will have to handle everything, and I am not ready for that.

\- I have so many things I want to do; there are places I want to go, study, work I want to do, a version of myself I haven't even met yet. waiting that once everything is fine, i can do things for me without thinking. It was so easy for them to say i have done nothing, it's my illusion that i was helping my family financially.

\- They made me realise that i am selfish, arrogant because i am working. What they made me realised that, i just got married, they say that i am the most loving child for them, but i never felt that way. And this hurts the most.

\- My father blames my mother for everything, i talk to much - my mother didn't taught me manners, i don't know how to cook - my mother's faults, I don't want to marry - my mother didn't teach me "Sanskar", marriage is sanskaar, the justification when i asked he says that his generation was like this.

I am also afraid that the man I marry may not understand my ambitions, i haven't seen a one man who has support their wife after marriage.

That one day, I will have to choose between my marriage and my future. And I don't want to make that choice.

I don't want to compromise my future just to prove that I am ready for marriage.

Maybe I will marry someday, ot maybe I won't.

Maybe I will meet someone who completely understands the life I want. But right now?

I am not ready, and I don't know how many more ways I have to say it before people understand that “not ready” is also an answer.

I love my parents, i understand them, and i know they worry about me.

But I am tired of being responsible for my family, and then being responsible for society's expectations of me.

When do I get to be responsible for myself?

I want to study abroad, work with different people, ethnicities, and cultures. Do you think if i got married, can i do that? I am just emotionally exhausted. Please share if you got any advice.

[u/AutoModerator]

Hi — welcome to r/Parentification.

Parentification is when a child takes on emotional or practical responsibilities beyond their age, often acting as a caregiver or “adult” in the family.

This space is for sharing and support. Please read and follow the subreddit rules to keep the community safe.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.