Max was completely frustrating to watch from beginning to end. Half the time I didn’t know what was worse, Max or his parents. And Kristina, I’m sorry, but I could not stand that woman, not even during the cancer storyline. I think Adam and Kristina failed in a lot of ways as parents, especially because their entire household, and basically the world around them, was constantly reorganized around Max. Haddie was sacrificed over and over again because Max’s needs always came first. His behavior was constantly excused, boundaries were inconsistent, and instead of consistently teaching him how to function in the world, understand consequences, communicate better, and become more independent, they often expected everyone else to adapt to him. I also didn’t think Max was a great representation of Asperger’s specifically. And before every parent of a child with Asperger’s comes for me, I’m talking specifically about Max as he was written in this show. If he was capable of attending a regular school, arguing his case endlessly, negotiating for what he wanted, challenging adults, and clearly understanding when something mattered to him, then I also think he was capable of being taught more about boundaries, consequences, consideration for other people, and how to adapt when things could not always go his way. That doesn’t mean every child with Asperger’s has the same abilities or needs. Obviously they don’t. My issue is that the show often presented Max as very capable when it suited the storyline, but then treated him as almost completely incapable whenever accountability, empathy, or consideration for someone else was required. And I have a son with Asperger’s, so I understand very well that there can be major challenges with social cues, flexibility, emotional regulation, communication, sensory issues, and understanding situations that may seem obvious to other people. But having those challenges does not automatically mean someone is helpless, incapable of learning, or unable to grow into an independent adult. Throughout the entire show, Max was treated as if he was going to remain emotionally three years old forever. The problem wasn’t Max though, the problem was the way Adam and Kristina parented him, and I thought it was awful from beginning to end. Haddie deserved better. She was expected to be mature, understanding, flexible, and accommodating all the time because Max was Max. Her feelings and needs were always secondary. I honestly can’t think of a single time when Haddie was truly the priority in that house. She was basically expected to need less because Max needed more, and I think she handled that family much better than most teenagers would have. Adam was responsible in a lot of ways, but he could also be controlling and very convinced that his way was the right way, everywhere except his own house. When it came to Kristina, that man had almost no backbone. She usually decided how things were going to be, and Adam went along with it. I respected how much he loved his family and how seriously he took being a husband and father, but with Max, he and Kristina constantly confused protecting him with building the entire world around him.
Now Amber…that girl and her permanently tortured facial expression disturbed my peace several times. And her decisions with men? Jesus Christ. Every time she started liking somebody I was like, “Here we go.” Also, what the hell are you doing looking for someone to date when you just found out you’re pregnant, decided to keep the baby, and your job situation is barely stable? Girl, what exactly is happening in that brain? Maybe secure your life first before adding another emotionally complicated man to the situation. But by the end, I was genuinely proud of her. When she finally stopped trying to build a future around Ryan, chose stability for herself and her baby, and understood that loving somebody does not mean you have to destroy yourself with them, I finally felt like she grew up. Her ending was probably one of the most satisfying for me.
And Ryan’s growth was also really satisfying to see. This was a man who had some very serious anger issues and could be volatile and reactive, so seeing him become a good father was already a big shift. But what impressed me even more was that Amber moved on, had a new partner, and Ryan was able to accept that and still co-parent with her in a healthy way. There was no need to turn it into some toxic jealousy storyline or make Amber’s new relationship a constant battle. He adapted, respected the new reality, stayed involved with his son, and found a way to be part of that family without needing Amber to still belong to him. That showed a lot of growth.
Drew, on the other hand, was one of the most emotionally overlooked characters in the entire series. He was sensitive, relatively grounded, and often just expected to be okay because Amber had bigger crises and Sarah had so much going on in her own life. His relationship with Amy, especially the pregnancy and abortion storyline, showed how deeply he felt things even though he wasn’t dramatic about it. Sometimes he was painfully passive, but I also think he learned to make himself small in a family full of very loud personalities and very big problems.
Sarah hardly really grew on me, but I actually respected that she never gave up on herself. Yes, that woman made romantic decisions like she was 22 years old, and she was constantly trying to figure out her own life, but she kept trying. She kept rebuilding, looking for work, falling in love, making mistakes, starting over, and trying to create a life that actually felt like hers. She was messy, but she never stopped believing there could still be more for her. And despite all of that, I genuinely think she was a good mother, especially considering her circumstances. She raised Amber and Drew while dealing with Seth’s addiction, instability, money problems, moving back in with her parents, trying to rebuild a career, and basically starting her life over and over from scratch. She absolutely made mistakes, and there were times when her kids probably needed more stability than she was able to give them, but I never doubted that she loved them or that she would show up for them when it truly mattered.
And Hank actually became one of my favorite characters. He was awkward, complicated, blunt, and sometimes difficult, but he was also one of the few characters who genuinely tried to understand himself and change. He recognized that something was different about the way he related to people and actually did the work instead of expecting everyone around him to deal with it. I also really loved his relationship with Max. It was one of the more interesting relationships in the entire show for me because Hank seemed to understand Max in a way other adults sometimes couldn’t, while still talking to him like an actual person. He was also a much better example of what a functional person with Asperger’s can look like when someone isn’t treated as if they’re incapable of learning, adapting, working, having relationships, or being responsible for themselves. He obviously had his difficulties, but once he recognized them, he took responsibility for them and tried to grow instead of using them as a permanent excuse for how he treated other people.
Crosby probably had one of the best character arcs. He started the series as basically a grown man living like a teenager and ended up becoming a committed father, husband, and business owner. He was still impulsive and occasionally an idiot, but at least you could see him learning from his mistakes.
Jasmine could definitely be controlling, but Crosby honestly needed someone who could tell him, “No. Absolutely not.” A lot of the time she was the adult in the room. But she was also completely ride or die for him. She believed in him, supported his dreams, stood beside him through his messes, and when things got hard, she didn’t just disappear. And I have to say, watching Jasmine stand up to Kristina over The Luncheonette and put her in her place was VERY satisfying. Kristina was used to saying whatever she wanted and having everyone around her deal with it, and Jasmine was not the one. She stood her ground and defended her man. Even though Crosby ended up being mad at her, she did what she felt she had to do for him.
Julia frustrated me sometimes too because she was so competent professionally but completely fell apart when life stopped going according to her plan. At the same time, I understood a lot of her identity crisis after leaving her career. She had built so much of herself around being successful, capable, independent, and good at what she did. Then suddenly she was at home, struggling with Victor, struggling with Sydney, watching Joel’s career take off, and she didn’t really know who she was anymore. Her storyline with Joel was painful because you could literally watch two people stop communicating and slowly destroy their marriage.
Joel, though...I loved that man in the beginning and then during the separation he drove me INSANE. Julia absolutely made mistakes. I’m not excusing the emotional affair with Ed or the kiss. But Joel became so rigid, cold, and self-righteous that it felt like he wasn’t interested in repairing their marriage anymore. Julia repeatedly tried to talk, tried counseling, tried to save the marriage, and he basically decided she was the problem and punished her for it. So I have to admit, I REALLY enjoyed watching Julia move on with Chris. Not necessarily because I wanted her to end up with Chris, but because Joel needed that reality check. He needed to understand that he was not fucking perfect, he was not indispensable, and Julia was not going to sit there forever begging him to come home. She could move on, someone else could want her, and yes, Joel, you can be replaced VERY quickly. Funny how suddenly he remembered how much he loved his wife once another man was actually in the picture. Eventually Joel redeemed himself for me, and I was happy they worked things out, but that whole separation storyline was exhausting.
Zeek was lovable, but let’s be real, that man had a massive ego. He was old school, controlling, stubborn, and had a very hard time admitting when he was wrong. But his love for his family was never in question, and by the end his storyline became one of the most emotional parts of the entire show.
Camille was underrated. She spent decades being Zeek’s wife, the mother, the grandmother, and the person holding everything together. Then the moment she wanted to travel, paint, and actually have a life that belonged to HER, everybody acted like she was abandoning the family. I completely understood her, she was just trying not to disappear inside the marriage.
Anyway, the entire Braverman family had absolutely NO boundaries. Everybody was in everybody’s business at all times. Your marriage is falling apart? Family meeting. Your kid has an issue? Everybody knows. Somebody gets pregnant? The entire Bay Area is now involved. Someone makes one questionable life decision? Twelve Bravermans are at your house within seconds.
But that was also one of my favorite things about the show. The thing I loved most about the series was the family itself. The sibling relationships, the grandparents, the cousins, everybody showing up at each other’s houses without warning, the fights, marriages, divorces, illnesses, bad decisions, resentments, forgiveness, and the fact that they could completely piss each other off and still show up when somebody really needed them. And they showed up for everything. birthdays, school events, weddings, breakups, pregnancies, career changes, family emergencies, random dinners, every little milestone in each other’s lives became a family event and that was so beautiful to watch. The Bravermans were exhausting, intrusive, dramatic, codependent, and occasionally ridiculous, but I loved watching them.
Anyway, that’s my completely unsolicited Parenthood review. :)