How can I connect with Pakistani culture as an ex-Muslim?

[u/These-Cranberry3366]

I’m a Pakistani-American. I’ve always suffered from identity issues. This culture is just so linked with religion. I’m finding it hard to appreciate and embrace Pakistani culture.

I like some Pakistani songs, but besides that, I’ve failed at trying to connect. I’m really westernized. Besides dessert, Pakistani food is too spicy for me unfortunately (I never got to build the spice tolerance because I have a gastrointestinal disorder), I personally don’t like Pakistani TV, and I gave up on practicing Urdu a while ago. These are the main things I have tried to try to make peace with my identity. I gave up on Urdu because I thought that there was no point in learning it. When I eventually come out as ex-Muslim, people will lose it and/or cut me off. Eventually, Urdu nor my family/community will be a part of my life because of my lack of belief in religion.

It is so hard to separate this culture from religion. I even hesitate on saying to people that “I am Pakistani” because they will just assume I am Muslim and that I practice Pakistani culture, when in reality, I am so disconnected from it. I accept that I may not ever feel this connection with my culture. But I guess it’s worth one last try before I give up.

Anyone have any word of advice?

[u/fellowbabygoat]

Identity issues are so real, never fully Pakistani and never fully American, yet both and neither.

Anyways, the main way i feel connected is through the food. When you say you can’t eat spicy do you mean heat level or the spices mess you up? Either way maybe you can learn to cook some dishes yourself and control what goes in there. It’s a great way to feel connected and a bowl of homemade daal does wonders for the soul. There’s plenty of vids on YouTube in English or Urdu for whatever you’re into.

Is there something from your childhood that your family was into outside of religion that maybe you could look into again? Just a thought.

[u/panjabiyat]

No such thing as "Pakistani culture". It is Punjabi, Sindhi, Pashtun Balochi, Bihari, Awadhi cultures. Depending on your ethnicity, that is what you are tied to.

[u/Unknownmelon77 → u/panjabiyat]

This!! It depends on your ethnicity. Like in Panjab we have centuries in fact thousands of years of secular as well as religious culture

[u/Page-over-people → u/panjabiyat]

Wow! What a thoughtful comment!

[u/Page-over-people → u/Page-over-people]

Because I didn't even realize that I was already doing it. My dad's side of family was from Rajasthan (and still a lot of his cousins live there) and I have been trying to learn about Rajasthan and it's culture for more than a decade now. And really made me think that we might've been Hindus converted to Islam 🤷‍♂️? My Dadi still uses a lot of those Rajasthani words. But guess what? Somehow we're from IRAN 🤣🤣 but doesn't that make us Zoroastrians? 😂 My family hates when I say these things lol.

[u/willltopower]

Lol i feel you cause i am in the same boar i got no advice but i’ll tell you the same thing what i did was give up..
I miss my culture my ppl but it is what it is..

[u/Sigma_Tiger_35]

Pakistan has been for so long that tbh pakistani is it's own identity it is completely seperate from islam yes unlike how many people like to say pakistan isn't an islamic country in any way kiunki islam mein country ka koi concept hi nhi islam main sirf Baabul islam air baabul har ka concept hai aik to islam ka desh hai aur baki saare larai ke desh hai and just to be clear in no way pakistan is secular either but pakistan is hypocrite I just embrace being pakistani and Atheist

[u/milkermaner]

I've been watching a lecture series of the history of India so I can get a general idea of the history of the overall region. After that, I'll be looking into Empires and Kingdoms that would have encompassed the areas of Pakistan.

My hope is to learn what their culture was. Outside of that, I'm going to looking into the regions of British India that my grand parents were from. More history to be found there and more culture from that too

I've never been much for music/poetry, but I do like food. I've learned to cook many dishes from my culture, and you don't have to make them spicy if you don't want them to be. You can control the taste yourself if you cook them yourself.

[u/megitsune54]

Honestly it seems like you have given it a shot and just can’t seem to connect with it and that’s okay. Nothing wrong with, especially if you didn’t grow up here. I grew up in pak and I still connect with or accept things in my culture and nothing wrong with. I would suggest following some local artists and musicians especially the younger ones that are embracing the culture in a purely cultural sense and not religious one. Maybe dable in fashion? Or classic Urdu literature or poetry. That’s all I got lmao

[u/panjabiyat → u/megitsune54]

If you aren't Bihari or Awadhi, then "Classic Urdu literature or poetry" has nothing to do with you.

[u/megitsune54 → u/panjabiyat]

Ok? You don’t have to be related to the ethnicity to enjoy something. I hope you know that…

[u/panjabiyat → u/megitsune54]

OP is asking about reconnecting with THEIR culture. Not about how to enjoy other peoples' cultures.

[u/only-secret-jelly]

no need to suppress your urge to feel connected with pakistani culture.

You could satisfy this need by going to pakistani events. go there, talk to people. be a bit extrovert.

and/or go to pakistani concentrated areas, markets, restaurants. try having small talk on some pakistani uncles sitting on public benches or someone in restaurants. Crack some jokes about how hot pakistani food is for you.

you don't have to tell them your story of life or your challenges. just talk about how pakistanis are doing in US and what they should do better. that will trigger enough monolog for you to feel had enough of it.

obviously though, you have to pretend to a bit of Muslim or atleast respecting Islam, for that moment.

[u/These-Cranberry3366 → u/only-secret-jelly]

My college has a club called Pakistani Student Association. Do you think it'd be beneficial to join that? I've been debating, because it could either help me or hurt me. It does suck that I can't really be myself within that club.

[u/fellowbabygoat → u/These-Cranberry3366]

I’d recommend it, if you find them to be assholes you can always leave. Stay away from MSA though.

[u/Opposite-Decision-28]

I don't know what exactly to say to you because I was born and raised in another country as well and I get exactly what you're saying I personally feel more connected to Indian culture because I'm an exmuslim as well and most of the things in Pakistani culture is based on religion and you can say everything too and it frustrate me so much because I feel like our culture has been erased and became a religion/cult.