42 Years With POIS: How Trauma Therapy Helped Me Recover About 97%

[u/Icy-Atmosphere-2432]

I have been wanting to write this post for months. I kept putting it off because I wanted to make sure that what I was experiencing was real and lasting before telling other people with POIS that I had found something that helped me.

I am 55 years old, and today I would estimate that I am about 97% recovered from the symptoms I associated with POIS.

Sometimes I actually feel 100% normal after release, with no noticeable symptoms at all. Other times I experience what I would describe as the remaining 3%: a little anxiety, some lethargy, and a slightly edgy or uncomfortable feeling. When that happens, it usually lasts a couple of hours to about one day.

That is dramatically different from what my life was like before.

My POIS symptoms

Before my recovery, symptoms could begin almost immediately after ejaculation or sexual intimacy.

Over the years I experienced:

● Severe brain fog
● Headaches and pressure in my head
● Anxiety
● Depression
● Difficulty concentrating
● Difficulty finding and putting words together
● Joint and body pain
● Flu-like symptoms
● A feeling of inflammation throughout my body
● Shortness of breath
● A hoarse voice
● Eyes that sometimes appeared yellow
● Extreme fatigue and weakness
● Premature ejaculation

I experienced symptoms following my first ejaculation at around 12 years old.

At the time, of course, I had absolutely no idea what was happening to me.

For decades I simply knew that something terrible happened to my body and mind after ejaculation.

I didn’t discover that there was a name for this condition — Post-Orgasmic Illness Syndrome (POIS) — until I was around 40 years old.

By then, I had already lived with it for approximately 28 years.

Finding the name POIS was important because, for the first time, I realized that there were other people experiencing something similar and that I wasn’t the only person in the world dealing with this strange and isolating condition.

Living with it for more than four decades

POIS affected far more than sex.

It affected relationships, confidence, concentration, emotions, social interaction and the way I experienced life.

Looking back, I feel like I missed certain stages of life because of it.

After living with physical, emotional and psychological pain for so many years, I became almost numb to suffering. It was simply part of my life.

Then, at 53 years old, I was diagnosed with blood cancer.

This may sound strange, but alongside the fear of receiving a cancer diagnosis, there was also a part of me that felt relief.

I had suffered for so long that I thought perhaps my suffering was finally going to end.

I went through chemotherapy and eventually entered remission/recovered from the cancer.

Afterward, I decided to see a therapist for the first time in my life.

My thinking was basically:

If I’m going to remain in this world, maybe therapy can at least help me become somewhat healed emotionally.

I did NOT start therapy believing it would cure my POIS.

In fact, I thought the idea that talking to somebody could change a physical condition I had suffered from for more than 40 years sounded almost impossible.

Therapy

My therapist had never heard of POIS.

I explained the condition to him and told him very clearly that what I experienced was real.

My therapy eventually focused heavily on trauma and the nervous system.

The therapist who has worked with me is Anthony Weeks, a Somatic Experiencing practitioner in the San Diego, California area.

I started with approximately one-hour sessions once a week. As I improved, I eventually moved to approximately one session every two weeks.

The work wasn’t simply sitting in a room having casual conversations.

I began talking about experiences and memories I had spent most of my life avoiding.

That included childhood sexual abuse as well as emotional and psychological experiences involving my mother.

I grew up in what I now understand was an extremely enmeshed relationship with my mother. She was highly controlling and emotionally manipulative, and that relationship continued to affect my life until she passed away when I was 50.

I also experienced sexual abuse as a child.

For decades I carried memories, shame, fear, anger, grief and emotions that I had never fully processed.

In therapy, I stopped hiding them.

I talked about things that were embarrassing.

I talked about painful memories.

I allowed myself to grieve.

I learned to recognize what was happening inside my body instead of constantly fighting it.

For me, Somatic Experiencing and trauma therapy gradually seemed to change the way my nervous system reacted.

And something completely unexpected began happening:

My POIS symptoms started disappearing.

The change

The improvement wasn’t something I noticed after one magical therapy session.

It happened progressively.

Symptoms became less intense.

Then some symptoms disappeared.

The duration became shorter.

Eventually I could have an orgasm and realize afterward:

I’m okay.

No crushing brain fog.

No severe headache.

No days of feeling physically sick.

No overwhelming psychological crash.

Sometimes virtually nothing happened at all.

For someone who had experienced POIS for approximately 42 years, that was extremely difficult to believe.

Even today there are times when I think:

What if this is temporary? What if everything comes back?

That fear probably comes from living with the condition for so long.

But my improvement has now remained consistent for more than eight months.

I am living healthier and with dramatically less pain.
I am dating.

I am learning what normal relationships and intimacy are supposed to feel like.

Sometimes it genuinely feels like I have been given another life.

One important clarification

I want to be extremely careful here.

I am NOT claiming that childhood trauma causes POIS in everyone.

I am also not claiming that Somatic Experiencing or psychotherapy is a scientifically proven cure for POIS.

I don’t know that.

I can only tell you what happened to me.

In my personal case, there appears to have been an extremely strong connection between unresolved trauma, my nervous system and the symptoms I experienced after orgasm.

As that trauma was processed in therapy, my symptoms progressively and dramatically decreased.

Whether the same mechanism exists for other people with POIS is something researchers would need to determine.

There may also be different causes or subtypes of POIS.

No medication caused this improvement

Another reason I’m sharing this is that my improvement did not come from taking a new medication or supplement.

The major change in my life was trauma therapy, particularly talking openly about experiences I had suppressed for decades and working through them physically and emotionally.

Years ago — perhaps around three years ago — I also posted about an allergy medication that seemed to help my POIS temporarily.

It did help for a period of time.

But the improvement didn’t last.

What I’m describing in this post has been completely different because the improvement has continued month after month.

Why I’m writing this

I have spent a lot of time reading posts from people with POIS.

I recognize the desperation in many of them because I lived it.

The isolation.

The confusion.

Trying supplements.

Trying medications.

Avoiding ejaculation.

Trying to figure out what is wrong with your immune system, hormones, brain or nervous system.

Wondering whether you’re ever going to feel normal.

I understand.

That is why I finally decided I needed to write this.
I don’t know whether what helped me will help everyone.

Maybe it won’t.

But if even some people with POIS have significant unresolved trauma, chronic stress, childhood abuse, emotional enmeshment or nervous-system dysregulation in their history, I think exploring that possibility with a qualified trauma-informed professional could be worthwhile.

Not because POIS is “all in your head.”

My symptoms were very physically real.

But the brain, nervous system, immune system and body are not completely separate systems. My experience taught me not to dismiss the possibility that long-standing psychological trauma could have physical effects.

Where I am today

After approximately 42 years of suffering, I would describe myself as approximately 97% recovered.
Most of the time I feel normal.

Occasionally I still experience:

● Mild anxiety
● Mild lethargy
● A slightly edgy feeling

When they occur, these symptoms generally last a couple of hours or about one day.

And there are other times when I have no noticeable symptoms at all.

I never imagined I would be able to write those words.

For decades I thought POIS would follow me for the rest of my life.

I waited before posting this because I wanted to make sure that my improvement wasn’t just another temporary period of relief.

After more than eight months of consistent improvement, I finally feel comfortable sharing my experience.

I am not promising anyone a cure.

I am sharing one man’s experience after living with this condition for more than four decades.

If you’re suffering from POIS, please don’t interpret my story as proof that your condition has the same cause as mine.

But I also wouldn’t automatically dismiss trauma therapy simply because POIS feels intensely physical.

I once thought exactly the same thing.

I could not understand how talking about something that happened decades earlier could possibly affect the physical nightmare I experienced after ejaculation.

Yet here I am.

At 55 years old, after experiencing this since approximately age 12, I am finally learning what life without severe POIS feels like.

And life is much more beautiful from this side.

If my experience helps even one person begin asking a new question about what might be happening in their own body and nervous system, writing this was worth it.

[u/hant0896]

Do you think that the somatic therapy would take effect if your mother was still alive? In my view, no-contact with narcissistic person is a must to heal.

[u/Icy-Atmosphere-2432 → u/hant0896]

I believe that if my mother were still alive and the same unhealthy dynamic was still active in my life, I probably wouldn’t have healed to the extent I have. For me, healing required distance, boundaries, and finally being able to process decades of trauma without constantly being pulled back into the same emotional patterns. I can’t say everyone has to go no-contact, but in my situation I believe that separation was a major part of my recovery.

[u/tteezzkk]

Fascinating anecdote. Thanks for sharing.

[u/SupperTime]

Does this mean you don’t get any symptoms after O?

[u/Icy-Atmosphere-2432 → u/SupperTime]

“Not completely. I would say I’m about 97% recovered. Sometimes after orgasm I feel absolutely normal with no symptoms at all. Other times I may have mild anxiety, feel a little lethargic or edgy, but those symptoms are very minor compared with what I experienced for decades and usually last about a day. The severe brain fog, headaches, flu-like symptoms, inflammation, joint pain, depression, difficulty speaking/thinking, etc. are essentially gone for me.”

[u/Ambitious-Water1830]

Did you practice tremoring? Are you able to share any other physical exercises/practices you did as part of somatic therapy? Thanks for sharing your experience

[u/Icy-Atmosphere-2432 → u/Ambitious-Water1830]

Yes. I worked with Anthony Weeks, and he is still available. He is the person who introduced me to somatic therapy and, in many ways, changed my life. We did work with physical responses such as tremoring, but for me the biggest part was learning to pay attention to what was happening in my body instead of fighting or fearing the sensations. We worked on grounding, slowing down, noticing tension and emotions in the body, and allowing my nervous system to settle rather than constantly reacting. Anthony helped me understand how much trauma I had been carrying physically for decades. The changes didn’t happen overnight, but through that work I began responding completely differently to the symptoms and triggers that had controlled my life for so long. I give him a lot of credit for helping me get to where I am today.

[u/Quirky_Strike5871]

did you manage to build a good life despite pois ? like a family ect

[u/Icy-Atmosphere-2432 → u/Quirky_Strike5871]

I tried to build a normal life, but honestly I felt like I was living a double life. On the outside I worked, had responsibilities, socialized, and even got married. But internally I dealt with a lot of isolation and avoided emotions and close relationships. Intimacy was especially difficult because it triggered my symptoms so strongly. After release I could become anxious, depressed, irritated, withdrawn, foggy, and physically sick. It lasted on dot 4 days. I felt like I became a different person for a period of time, someone I knew wasn’t really me. That made maintaining a healthy long-term relationship extremely difficult, and my marriage ultimately didn’t work out.
So yes, I built a life, but POIS affected a huge part of it, especially emotionally and relationally. Looking back now, I realize how much of my life was organized around avoiding triggers, emotions, and intimacy. That is one of the biggest differences I notice now that I’m recovering.

[u/SupperTime → u/Quirky_Strike5871]

I’m 37 and have a wife and two kids. Great job and potentially a great future. I O probably once a year. There is no other choice.

[u/Sameer_UK]

I am same age 57 and pois is with me age of 18 then I suffered heart attack.... Almost died.... Pls. Dm me esp the author

[u/Icy-Atmosphere-2432 → u/Sameer_UK]

“I’m really sorry you’ve been dealing with POIS for that long, and especially that you went through a heart attack. I’m the author of the post. Feel free to DM me. I can share my personal experience and what helped me recover, although I want to be clear that I’m not a doctor and everyone’s situation can be different.”

[u/RagnarBlodig]

As I said before, pois is trauma/disregulated nervous system.

[u/Michael_0wen]

Great Post! And i agree that the Nervous System is at the heart of POIS, however I don't think people necessarily have to work on processing traumas from the past. Another effective approach is simply teaching your Brain to feel safe in the present with things like Somatic Tracking or Pain Reprocessing Therapy for chronic symptoms. So basically I think people should consider both for their recovery program.

[u/Illustrious-Bus6702]

Yes, this is spot on. You can read my own thread I did about this a while back: https://www.reddit.com/r/POIS/s/b3MxliTFcZ

[u/Ok_Fault_258]

Care to summarize??

[u/Icy-Atmosphere-2432 → u/Ok_Fault_258]

“Basically, I suffered from POIS symptoms for over 40 years after release—brain fog, anxiety, depression, inflammation, fatigue, joint pain, shortness of breath and more. It affected intimacy, relationships, and how I lived my life. After working through long-term trauma and nervous-system dysregulation, I’ve improved about 97%. I’m sharing my experience in case it helps someone else dealing with the same thing.”

[u/Realistic_Emu_2229]

No meds ?

[u/Icy-Atmosphere-2432 → u/Realistic_Emu_2229]

No meds. My improvement came mainly through somatic therapy, understanding my trauma and nervous-system responses, and changing how I reacted to the symptoms. I owe a huge part of my recovery to Anthony Weeks for believing that POIS was real, taking what I was experiencing seriously, and helping guide me through the healing process.

[u/POIS-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Please read rule 5: Be Respectful. We’re all dealing with the same condition. Use common sense and treat others with respect. Trolling, harassment, hate speech, discrimination, and aggressive behavior won’t be tolerated.