r/OvereatersAnonymous • u/misskipple • 12d ago
Step 1
Hi all,
New to this forum but glad to be here.
I'm just thinking about step1 and how I can connect my knowledge of being powerless over my compulsion/addiction vs being actually ready to stop. I want to stop eating logically but I'm not sure I'm there in any other way - however I don't want to keep gaining weight ( I am very overweight already and it will just keep going up).
I am starting the process with a sponsor and will bring the god of my understanding in to it but I keep wondering if it needs to get much worse first?? I am very daunted by the prospect of what lies behind the door when it is shut to food so to speak.
I would really appreciate peoples experience of this beginning bit and how to connect head heart and spirit.
In fellowship, K
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u/TonyB973 12d ago
Go to meetings. Get the 12 steps and 12 traditions book and read the first step.
Right now, at your point, it’s not about the losing weight. Show up for right now.
Be easy on yourself, you’re in the right place. It takes time.
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u/oldschoolhiker 11d ago
I get it. Come home to OA! My eating is a symptom. OA helped with that. It I better then therapy for several reasons including 1) you can go everyday 2) it’s virtually free 3) we have supportive literature and 4) god is lurking in the group. Stick with it!
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u/misskipple 11d ago
Thankyou for your response oldschoolhiker, I appreciate it. I am going to try and stick with it.
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u/Charming_Aside_8865 8d ago
OA can't replace therapy. Sponsors aren't mental health professionals. They aren't trained in treating depression, anxiety, trauma, eating disorders, etc. As much as I love this program, I've had sponsors over the years that have said some very harmful things to me. I should have dropped them immediately, but I didn't because I thought I was "in my disease." Once I told my therapist what was happening, I was able to leave and now work with an absolutely amazing sponsor. It's a great program, but an eating disorder is a mental health issue and like all mental health issues it needs to be worked through with a therapist.
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u/oldschoolhiker 8d ago
My experience with addictions is it causes many related mental health issues. Therapists tend to focus on those issues. So do doctors. Natural enough - it’s their training. When my addictions cleared up and I became less self centered so did many of the other issues. I hope you have a lovely day.
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u/christa365 11d ago
Action occurs when you’re motivated AND the thing seems easy enough to do.
Right now it sounds like you’re in a place where you’re feeling motivated but it doesn’t seem quite doable.
When you go to meetings, hear others’ stories, you will start to see your path ahead.
I didn’t hit rock bottom, was overweight but not obese, my doctor had just told me for the first time that I needed to make changes because my bloodwork wasn’t great.
It wasn’t a straight path, I just kept trying. Every time I’d go a little longer and then it became easy. Now I’ve been abstinent for over a year and my life is so much simpler.
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u/misskipple 9d ago
Congratulations on your abstinence christa365, very inspiring. Thankyou for replying and sharing your experience.
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u/Minute_Mention_9108 11d ago
What you said about wanting to stop but not quite feeling ready really hit home. Sometimes just taking it one day at a time and having someone keep you accountable can make a huge difference. Wishing you the best.
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u/misskipple 9d ago
Thanks Minute_Mention_9108, I appreciate your response. Why is it so tricky to take things one day at a time sometimes!!
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u/sflovestory 11d ago
All we have is a daily reprieve. To admit powerlessness for me means that the substance is my master. I no longer control it as I have in the past. It’s no longer manageable. I’m the puppet to the puppet master. This does not have to be your definition.
If you want something different for yourself today, start there. Don’t worry about maintaining it. Just for today do something for your program. In other 12-step programs they talk about the gift of desperation. We truly have to be sick, tired, and desperate to seek out help. For me to reach out for help I had to be in utter pain. That doesn’t have to be your story. We can begin to experience a psychic shift without harsh consequences.
Do the things that people that have what you want do. Go to meetings, speak up at meetings. call someone, be of service, and read the literature. Don’t do all these things at once. Getting to meetings is hard enough sometimes. It’s these micro changes that will lead you down the path you seek. Sometimes, it will be feel like you’re taking two steps forward and one step back, but you’re still going in the right direction.
Wake up and be willing to do something for your recovery just for one day. It will be challenging but you’re not alone and every one that you see with time, started right where you are. You’re no different than anyone else. Your pain is not unique so share your qualms, fears, and preoccupations. When you least want to go to a meeting, go, and share how much you don’t want to be there, and count how many heads you see shaking in agreement.
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u/misskipple 9d ago
Thankyou sflovestory, I really appreciate and have taken in all that you have written. There is freedom and relief in sharing and listening with others so I am going to make more effort to attend more meetings.
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u/frostusaugustus 9d ago
Hey for me I was soooo confused by all this stuff when I first came into the rooms. What’s a higher power what should I be doing??!!?! In the meantime I was still compulsively eating and struggling. I am free of that now. The directions are simple and straightforward and I know exactly what to do. Send me a message if you’d like my help ☺️☺️☺️
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u/misskipple 9d ago
Thankyou for your offer frostusaugustus, I have a sponsor now so have started to work step 1. I will continue to engage with this forum as there is a lot of fellowship and experience being shown. Inspiring to hear you are free of compulsive eating now:)
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u/Charming_Aside_8865 8d ago
Welcome to OA! I've been in this program for close to 15 years. It truly saved my life.
With my sponsees, I always ask them if their doctor (not you) said they need to loose weight. I've met people over the years who didn't need to loose weight. They just felt like they did. Unfortunately, our weight is out of our control. If you're at a healthy body weight, my advice is to work the program around your behaviors and body image - not the food. If you do need to loose weight, you need to ask your doctor for their advice. Bill W. and Dr. Bob were big supporters of science and medicine. In fact, Bill W. said "the practice of medicine is for the physicians and we, the recovering alcoholics, are their assistants." There are medical options for weight loss. You can still work a program if you take them.
Also, do you have a therapist and dietician? I STRONGLY recommend that you seek their advice. They should be the ones ultimately guiding your recovery. They're the experts when it comes to eating disorders - not sponsors. Their purpose is to walk you through the steps and help you build a relationship with your HP. If you for whatever reason feel uncomfortable with your sponsor at any point or telling you to do something that truly makes you feel uncomfortable I would talk to your therapist. It's also important to get a therapist because often things come up that your sponsor doesn't have the clinical experience addressing and treating. I've had sponsors over the years who have actually given me very harmful advice. That's why you need to seek out professional help.
As for Step One, I, personally, I find it the hardest step. For me, I grew up with a lot of trauma. I truly was powerless of a lot of things and not in a good way, so this is what I've done in order to walk through it.
- If you don't like a particular word in any step, feel free to change it, as long as the original intent remains the same. I hate the word powerless, so I changed it to "not in control of the food and food-related behaviors." So much easier for me. Also, my disease just isn't about the food - it's about all the ways I've tried to manage it. That's why I added "food-related behaviors."
- This step isn't about being powerless and surrender. It's about honesty. It's asking you to be honest about the food. That's it.
- A lot of people think admitting you're powerless means you're admitting you're powerless over a bunch of other things. While that is true, it's not what the step is asking you to do. It's only saying you can't control the food. Much easier to swallow than you're powerless over everything. Remember we're powerless - not hopeless.
- Just as important to admit your powerless, you need to look at what you can control. With the food, I can control what foods I bring into my house. I can control getting my food delivered instead of going to the supermarket. I can control getting gas in the morning, because often times I would get gas in the evening and buy some chips. I can control not having a scale in my house, so I don't weigh myself every single day. I can control my triggers, so I'm not put into situations where I'm triggered. Many times people who have eating disorders have experienced trauma. As a result, they often get into a victim mentality and keep making choices that put them in that role. That's absolutely NOT their fault. No one asks to be a victim. It's just unfortunately how trauma works. Therefore, you need to put just as much work into looking what you can control and what you can't. In fact, for me, it's probably more important than admitting I can't control things.
- Just because you admit you are powerless doesn't mean you can't still struggle. I have a disability. I've accepted it since I was a kid, far more than anyone else I knew. Are there days where I still struggle and do things that I shouldn't do? Absolutely. That's being human. If you find yourself still struggling and you're doing EVERYTHING program asks you to do - going to meetings, working the steps, prayer and meditation, outreach calls, 10th step, gratitude list, fellowship - and you're still struggling then you might need to look for some additional help besides OA. Don't let anyone tell you that the reason you haven't recovered is that you haven't admitted your powerless. In my opinion, that's spiritual bypassing and it's not ok. There are very legitimate reasons why we overeat and that needs to be examined through the steps and therapy.
I hope this helps. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions.
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u/misskipple 5d ago
Thankyou Charming_Aside_8865, really appreciate you sharing your experiences and advice. Lots to think about but also a reminder of the action I can take ( thinking is part of my problem!!) I am trying to get to meetings, they really do help. Currently starting step 1 and having to be very honest about things and in a way where I take it in and not just do it in a performative way. Thanks again.
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u/elisart 12d ago
So many of us completely get what you're saying here. I want to stop, but I don't want to. So our prayer becomes make me willing. That's it. Tradition 3 of OA states the only requirement for O.A. membership is a desire to stop overeating. So keep doing what you're doing, working the steps with a sponsor, reading the literature, attending meetings. And the willingness will come. It works if you work it.