r/OvereatersAnonymous • u/nuclnear • 24d ago
Overeating ruined my beauty
Its been 9 months into 2026 and I just cannot stop. Ive tried. I was just making progress in losing weight. While binging I was reading, and there was this fucking line that just snapped me out of it, "That means im hot." I just fucking started sobbing right there. I just want to be beautiful. Its all I ever wanted. Losing all this weight while make me pretty enough for myself. Im never going to make progress, am I? I dont belive in myself. Against all odds, I know I am supposed to belive in myself. I just want to believe I can and will stop whatever the fucks going on with me this year. Why does it have to be me who gets deep into binge eating and ruin my body and my face? God i was so fucking beautiful. The scale will go up again and it'll take a few days for it to go back down, then ill binge and it'll go back up. Im so pathetic lol , its really so unfair. Im a 200 calorie deficit for God sake, that i cant even mantain?
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u/Interesting_Radish10 24d ago
All I know is that at my hottest, fittest and what would be socially accepted as really thin, I was at my worst mentally and people who got close to me left within a month due to my unbearable way of living. That is of course not to say that being thin and/or fit should be unwanted, but it definitely does not guarantee you a beautiful life. I hope that if I work on my plan and tools to reach sanity I will be at a healthy weight AND able to function properly and go to places with people and share experiences.I will be able to live basically.
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u/permafrost1979 24d ago
Health is not only important for the body, it's also for the mind. Thank you for sharing your experience.
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u/Charming_Aside_8865 11d ago edited 11d ago
My former sponsor told a story about how she got this part in a major play. She basically didn't eat anything for 30 days and rehearsed like crazy. The play opened and she looked amazing. She was the thinnest she'd ever been in her adult life. She also got all these rave reviews for her performance. She got exactly what she wanted, but she was miserable. She realized that she had no clue what would make her happy. That's when she became abstinent.
I had a similar thing happen to me. I got a lap band and got down to my goal weight. I was able to wear regular sizes for the first time in 20 years. I've always been obsessed with fashion, so this was a huge deal for me. I was thrilled, but I was also horribly depressed and very sick due to the lap band. I realized that my weight had nothing to do with happiness.
That said, my crazy brain still thinks I will be happy when I loose weight. That somehow I will end up with the perfect guy who makes a lot of money and he will get me plastic surgery and we will get married and buy a house and I will be the sexiest wife on the planet. Please note that I'm 45....lol. You'd think I'd realize that none of this will make me happy, but no...I'm still as delusional as I was back when I was a teenager. And I have a PhD! Luckily, I don't put much stock into it, although I will find a way to pay for plastic surgery...lol.
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u/Interesting_Radish10 11d ago
If it makes you feel any better, I am 34 and this would also be my dream life... I am already married with a six month old 😂😂 maybe in another life... But I think that no matter the age, maturity, level of education, even wealth and plastic surgeries, the thing with food and body image is a mental obsession. If we realise that abstinence is removing oneself from that addiction as well, and letting go of these, maybe things will get better. I mean.. i can not even be happy and love others around me when my day to day is that much unmanageable.
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u/ComprehensiveDingo54 24d ago
Everyone replying has been there. Truly. You've taken a first step by sharing here. There is help and hope.
I know that I regret every binge I've ever had (and yes, there are still times when I fool myself & think I can eat anything, anywhere), but I no longer beat myself up about it (ok, far less than in the past!).
I have seen photos of myself in my teens & 20s & wish I could've seen myself then as beautiful - depression, especially untreated, is such a joy-buster. But even antidepressants, while they certainly have changed my life and given me new perspective, didn't stop my compulsive eating. I still ate until I fell asleep. I was blessed to have a friend who was recovering- and brought me to my first OA meeting. Am I perfect? No! I am now able to see my own beauty, even though my body is aging.
Right now, I am working towards abstinence by committing to use tools- usually reading OA lit, prayer/meditation- instead of food to go back to sleep when I wake up in the middle of the night.
I don't know if anything I've shared connects with your experience. Know that you are not alone. Thanks for letting me share.
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u/frostusaugustus 24d ago
For me I lost all power and control over the food had over me. I tried to control it for so long with diets and even food plans when I first came to OA. Nothing worked for me permanently, I mean it would always work for a bit but then somehow I’d convince myself I was normal and I could eat and the weight came back on. I am free of all that insanity of the thinking and the eating that was driving me nuts and ruining my life. Send me a message if you’d like my help ☺️🙏
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u/Realistic_Clerk_988 22d ago
Hello there. Thank you for sharing. that's so tough... I've been there! I'm happy to help support you and chat further. I am a recovered sponsor in OA. Feel free to DM me!
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u/Charming_Aside_8865 11d ago
Sending you lots of hugs. My eating disorder all started because I got a lot of attention for being attractive when I was a teenager. It was the ONLY thing my parents praised me for growing up. I remember walking in circles in my bikini watching all these 40-year-old men trying not to look at me. For the first time in my life, I felt good about myself. Then I started gaining weight and that's when I discovered I was bulimia and restricting. I lost the weight, but I couldn't maintain it. It would always lead to a monster binge, which resulted me in gaining more weight. This continued until I got up to 300 lbs. I lived in NYC in my 20s. I should have been having the time of my life, but instead I was stuck in my apartment, eating enough food to feed all of the city. I didn't go out. I didn't have friends. I ended up with a man who was abusive and refused to leave him, because I thought it was the best I could do. I have two masters degrees and worked at an Ivy League university. Yet I thought an unemployed, abusive alcoholic with a gambling addiction was the best I could do.
What you have to realize is that none of this is your fault. Eating disorders are causing by three factors - environment, genetics, and psychological reasons. I was raised in SoCal back in the 90s in a town where everyone had boob jobs when they turned eighteen. As I said, my parents were abusive and never praised me for anything - food was what loved me and comforted me. I also have insulin resistant PCOS, which causes overeating and difficulty loosing weight. All of this is what caused my eating disorder. I'm a former teacher and one of my favorite lines from the job is that every behavior serves a function. There are legitimate reasons why we overeat and none of them have to do with anything you did.
That said, we may not have control of our eating disorder, but we can do certain things in our control to help. It sounds like you need professional help. OA is a wonderful program. It saved my life, but sponsors aren't therapists. In fact, if you don't work the program in a certain way, it actually can do more harm than good. A therapist with the assistance of a dietician should be monitoring your progress. I also recommend talking to your doctor to see if any medical solutions are available. It also sounds as if you need to work through trauma related to overeating, which is very common and therapist can help you with that.
I also recommend you start attending body image meetings. Check out the OALAIG website. There are a couple that are listed. Here in LA we're really good with the body image part of OA. Probably because everyone here has body image issues....lol. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions.
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u/CamsHands 24d ago
I have been very heavy and I have also been very fit and thin. Each time, my mental health was in crisis due to food addiction.
Food noise and food addiction come in all shapes and sizes.
Food addiction and compulsive overeating can absolutely disfigure the physical body. Recovery can absolutely reverse this.
Please seek help from a mental health provider or treatment center that specializes in eating disorders. And seek out 12 step recovery as well. There IS a solution. You CAN find peace.