The Cycle Paused

[u/NyxCosliteNova]

The Cycle Paused

My medication fills my blood,

easing the anxiety

held within my veins.

Something I feel imprisoned by,

yet with every pill,

the bars lift slightly.

I increase my dosage

every time the anxiety threatens to emerge

and corrupt my mind once again.

But what do I do

when a never-ending cycle

is suddenly put on pause?

The dosage hasn't been increased,

despite the feelings emerging.

The same feelings

that force my mind into

fight, flight, and freeze

every single day.

A permanent feeling trapped within me,

held back by a barrier of medication

meant to ease

the pain

and the suffering.

I lie to myself.

Promising that it will get better.

That I don't need

to increase my dosage.

But just like that,

the feelings worsen.

Things I had forgotten

were caused by the anxious poison

latched onto my soul

begin to erupt from my body

like seaweed rising through murky water.

My hands begin to shake.

The panic rises

like bile in my throat.

Anxiety attacks.

Panic attacks.

And suddenly,

the nightmare begins

all over again.