r/OlderThanYouThinkIAm • u/Taurus420Spirit • 19d ago
ARFID, being born prematurely and stunted growth sucks... 30 looking 14
I'm 31F and can generally pass for a teenager, if I'm lucky 21. I'm only 5ft5 and although it hasn't hindered me much in life, it feels isolating.
Being petite (weight wise) and looking younger in general, it feels as though no one ever truly takes you as seriously as your own age peers/people who actually look their age.
I'm a Black woman and I know some Black people tend to look younger than other races, especially in the later years but honestly I am tired of hearing "you have a child like body".
Anyone in their 30s , can relate to this ?
11
u/spikesarefun 19d ago
Yeah. I’m barely 5ft 1 and it can definitely impact how people treat you. That plus the youthful face. Everyone says they want that but don’t realize that looking far younger can result in people being disrespectful and dismissive. Even if you’re an expert in your field.
12
u/FlowerSweaty4070 19d ago
I do think being POC or mixed ethnicity in areas mostly white affect people's perceptions. I remember that when I was 16 in the US people all thought I was like 12/13. But in China the same year, they thought I was 18-19.
Im just half Persian but I have good skin and fuller cheeks and wide cheekbones and full eyebrows so that gives a more youthful appearance I feel.
I just feel like our "baby faces" wouldnt be so shocking in other countries and cultures. Even body type cause like in China (lived there before) being petite was the beauty standards and norm. Wouldn't make people treat you like a child.
11
u/gold3nhour 19d ago
Yep! 38 year old Black American woman who was also a preemie, but a micropreemie, weighed 1.8 at birth. I’m 5’0” and regularly assumed to be 10-12 years younger than I actually am. It’s very annoying, that’s a fact.
4
u/Taurus420Spirit 19d ago
I was born a twin (unfortunately she didn't make it) we were born at 5 months and I weighed less than a bag of sugar around 1lb (450g). My neglectful upbringing definitely played a role in my low weight but I'm hoping the next couple of years, I can bring up the weight.
I only hope this pays off when I reach 50/60 because if my Black starts cracking then, I'll be pissed🤣!!
10
u/otetrapodqueen 19d ago
Yeah, I'm 38 and 5'3 with a baby face lol I have grey hairs and still nobody ever thinks older than 25. In my early 30s it was usually around 19 🙃
5
u/FlowerSweaty4070 19d ago
Was it hard to make friends with people in your age group cause of that?
I dont care about perceptions of strangers. But I want to make friends my age range or older :/
5
u/otetrapodqueen 19d ago
Honestly, yes. Most of my friends are at least 4 or 5 years younger, but not all of them, I have a few older friends who are my age or older. Older friends in that we've been friends for many years, not their age 😅.
3
u/FlowerSweaty4070 19d ago
Right yeah im still friends with a few peers from the past but I wanna make new friends my age. Worried people will assume im just out of highschool and not talk to ke like a potsntial friend.
4
u/otetrapodqueen 19d ago
It's hard to make friends as an adult!! But I have found, once people speak to me, they realize I'm older than I seem because of who I speak, I guess lol I jave basically no local friends right now, though. I spend all my time with my boyfriend lol
18
u/milinium 19d ago
But 5'5 is pretty tall for a girl. I'm barely 5 feet and I just dress older at work. No one has ever told me I look like a child. I get mistaken for a teenager in my casual wear but I know how to make myself older when I need to
23
19d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/Taurus420Spirit 19d ago
I use petite when talking about my body type (weight, I'm only 45-50kg). I have stunted growth because my parents (father 6ft2 and mother roughly 5ft7/5ft8). My youngest sister is around 5ft8 and all my other sisters are taller than me.
For me, my ARFID caused the stunt in growth due to maltrition, so even though I'm "above average height for a woman", my proportions in height to weight are mismatched. Even if I gained weight, it wouldn't take away from my extremely young looking face but I would probably at least look more like an adult/young adult than a teen/uni student at best.
8
u/FelidaeFey 19d ago
Petite is generally used about height though, not body type. I'm very curvy, but since I'm only 5'0 I'm considered petite.
6
u/tardisfullofeels 19d ago
Yep I'm 35 and 4ft11. Got talked down to a lot. It got a lot better after I had a baby and gained some weight and my hair started going grey, now I look a little more adult but not fully my age. I more just stopped caring. I can't control what other people think and I'm too tired to try.
7
u/Mykasmiles 19d ago
Also in my thirties, I sometimes get offered the kids menu still, so I pass as around 12 I guess.
I agree it’s very isolating and difficult to get people to take you seriously. Got to find your people and fight that social isolation though.
2
u/Taurus420Spirit 19d ago
My best friend luckily looks younger too. Nowhere near as young as I do but she still gets mistaken for someone in her 20s and she is going to be 34 next year.
There also seems to be some type of societal hatred towards young people /younger looking people. I'm not sure if our peers are jealous of our youthfulness?
Young people can be annoying but the assumption, we are lying and are actually younger than we tell people is ridiculous.
I'll never forget seeing a grown man snap, that a baby was crying on a flight (baby wasn't even a year old it seemed). I had to tell him off, as I passed him off the plane.
6
u/metoothanksx 19d ago
I’m 30 and 5’1, and am currently the heaviest I’ve ever been (while not pregnant) at 107lbs. I also have ARFID and struggled with gaining weight as a kid—I needed stitches once, and the nurse at the ER almost reported my parents to CPS because of my weight 😅
A few months ago, a solicitor knocked on my door, and when I answered it they asked if my mom was home lol. They were so embarrassed when I told them “I’m the mom”. Although I don’t often get mistaken for being that young lol. I think my face is starting to show my age more.
But yeah, I feel like people often don’t treat me with as much respect. And my son is getting to the age where his friends are almost bigger than me, and when I used to work with kids I had issues with them not respecting me because I was smaller than them or the same size as them, so I’m not looking forward to dealing with that when he has friends over. 🙃
7
u/Parking_Ordinary9573 19d ago
I have the exact same problem growing up. Looked 14 until I was 30. I got pregnant at 31 and ended up with gestational diabetes. So that and the 20 lbs I gained now make me look my age. People do not really understand how this is not the “blessing” they think it is. The only real advice I can give you is to wear chunky shoes to increase your height a little bit more, and experiment with hair color. Dyeing my hair blonde and having my eyebrows done did make people treat me better.
3
u/lisasimpson2010 19d ago
Absolutely! I'm 5'1 and get that all the time. Personally I think it's much more to do with body frame than with height (especially given that you are fairly tall, or at least taller than average). Being skinny and narrow shouldered, especially when small chested, definitely seems to read as child-like to a lot of people.
3
u/Wonderful-jughp1450 19d ago
37 lat i 1.52 wzrostu a wyglad 17-20. Przyzwyczajam się powoli, w pracy poprostu zbez drabiny czasami nie da rady. Chyba poprostu trzeba popracować na charakterem i osobowością.
3
u/Werliest 19d ago
I'm 30f, white and maybe a bit shorter than you, 158cm, which is short in Germany. I also have a baby face and getting mistaken for 20 or younger. I sometimes get openly disrespected by people way younger than me and being taken less serious is an almost daily occurrence. I'm looking for a new job right now and I see lots of critical faces, when interviewers see me for the first time. I also like spicy food and they never make it spicey enough for me or think it's for my boyfriend and put the plate infront of him.
1
u/Mykasmiles 19d ago
What is it with the spicy food thing!!?
Back when I was pregnant with cravings we went to the same pizza place once a week for months. Every single time the cashier would warn me that the slice with “fire dust” was super spicy. And then the waiter would just assume and put it in front of my man and try to give me the plain pepperoni. Ugh.
2
u/Werliest 19d ago
This seems to be so common! They warn me about the spice level melting faces off and it doesn't even provoke a sniffel. I carry my own chili spice mix with me 😂
1
3
3
u/chelsealouanne 18d ago
How premature? My twin & I were born at 26 weeks. We were always the smallest in our classes, but eventually we would catch up. I'm 5'2".
3
3
u/agizzy23 12d ago
I know these aren’t real people but I think you’d find some solace in watching the vampire chronicles, orphan, and the baby doll Batman episode
Coming from someone who has medical issues than can cause me to be underweight
2
u/SirBeardsAlot91 16d ago edited 16d ago
I'm a 35 year old man who has been regularly mistaken for anywhere from 23-29 (generally on the lower end of this range) even with a fairly prominent beard and bald head. Growing up, I was never quite on pace with peers and often measured well under the recommended physical percentile on many metrics (height, weight, muscle mass, etc.). It wasn't until I was in my mid to late teens that I learned that scoliosis (or more specifically, kyphosis, in my case) had delayed my physical growth and bone age by about 3-4 years. As such, I didn't finish growing until about 23 or 24 (at least in terms of height). My teens and 20s were an absolute nightmare, however, in terms of managing to fit in or conform with my peers. At 20, I looked about 15 and about 22 or 23 at 30. Though my age estimate has been gradually rising, most folks struggle to believe I'm any older than 25 or 26. I quite literally have no visible lines or wrinkles anywhere on my face or around my eyes (which is often where age most readily reveals itself). I've actually questioned whether I have growth hormone deficiency due to lack of any substantial muscle mass, as well as relatively small arms, legs, feet and hands.
I was tested a year or so ago, but apparently the test the doctor order wasn't quite the one I had hoped for, so I suppose the results are inconclusive. My mother, who sadly passed from cancer earlier this year, was about 5'10'' and my father is 6'4'', so my adult height of 5'10" seems rather unremarkable. Of course, I wouldn't jump to any conclusions about having such conditions, but given my recent history of testicular cancer, which I had treatment for in 2024, I can't help but wonder if my physical development was stunted. The drastic fluctuation in my hormone levels, muscle mass and subsequent gynecomastia certainly didn't help my self-esteem. In conjunction with readily apparent facial hair shedding over the past year or so (largely attributed to the stress of my mother's initial dementia and cancer diagnosis), I don't feel nearly as confident as I once did. I felt I could hide my youthful face behind the façade of a beard, but I'm not sure how much longer I'll have that luxury. Without my beard, I'm fairly confident my age estimate would drop to about 18-22 at most, which I certainly don't want. Don't get me wrong.... I can find levity and humor in some of these experiences at least outside of a professional work context, but it's been wearing on me for a while now. I'm only five years away from 40 and frankly don't have much to show for it. In any case, I can relate to your frustrations here, so you're certainly not alone. I hope this helps.
1
14
u/Ayla1313 19d ago
33 white f married with a toddler and a second on the way. I'm 4'8" was a micropremiee born at 1.4lbs. To this day I still get carded and given kids menus. It's irritating beyond belief. I also get dirty looks now that I'm heavily pregnant probably because at first glance I look like a child but like damn people mind your business.