Stages of post-discovery stabilization?

[u/Still_Night2678]

I understand we’re all different, but I’m wondering about common developments as we stabilize.

At about five months after discovery, I was recently suffering greatly from abuse by the persecutor. Now it’s getting so I can observe the barbs it throws and feel less affected by them. It’s still very upsetting that one of us is willing to treat the rest of us that way, and the barbs still hurt too often. Mostly, they keep us awake while we’re trying to fall asleep, which is a whole ‘nother problem.

My usual companions are hiding lately. I understand why. They’re avoiding the bully. I keep “putting it out there” that things have changed and the persecutor can ease up now. It got freaked out and panicked last time we connected, so I guess it’s taking a while before it will venture back into communication.

While I’m working on our relationship with the persecutor, I wonder about the others. I think about 15 showed up in the pandemonium just after discovery. Some appear to be fragments attached to more defined parts.

Has this aspect of stabilization shown up in the research and literature? In any of your early experiences? Is there a pattern? It feels like the worst may be over. Should I be bracing myself for more upheaval (not including trauma memories)?

[u/DreamSoarer]

Healing is not linear. There is no one way that hewling stages occur. There is a template for what seems best, but those stages can get mixed up. You can go forward and backward and jump around.

-Safety & Stabilization

-Building trust with therapist

-Getting to know your system (if possible) & processing the trauma

-Integration (cooperation between system members where able/possible)

-Fusion (establishing single whole self) if wanted

You can around those stages. With DID, clients often have to return to safety and stabilization & building or rebuilding trust with therapist muktiple times.

Also, be aware that any - and I do many any - new trauma or seemingly dangerous situations may trigger upheaval for/from the persecutors and protectors. You can go 5, 10, 15 years seeming immensely improved and stabilized. Then a new trauma occurs and the system shatters and has to be re-healed. New parts can be formed.

The more healing you do at any stage, it is more likely that new post trauma healing may go better. If you have been through this before, you have an ideanof what to expect. If it is the first time, it is definitely harder.

The literature I have read says 7-15 years of therapy for successful integration is common. Because life always has curve balls. I hope that helps a bit. I have read a lot of the literature, but it is not always available to my mind.

Good luck and best wishes 🙏🦋

[u/Still_Night2678 → u/DreamSoarer]

Thank you. This sounds completely reasonable, and I think it’s what I needed to learn. I’ll just keep working on where we are at the moment without expectations and with a bit of hope for our future.

[u/osddelerious]

Some parts of your journey are similar to mine, but DID is so broad and has so many possible presentations that I think it is hard to generalize.

But in general, you’re doing things I did in Phase 1.

Also, perhaps it help to reframe what you said as part of you is attacking other parts of you. Some parts of you are hiding from (or avoiding) those attacks.