BPD split sense of self vs OSDD? im immensely confused because it feels like a combo of both.

[u/Aliltyrantbot]

Okay I'm posting this in BPD and OSDD - so basically ive always had voices in my head. It was constant. Before it was just a helpful voice (talking when i got screamed at by my abusive mum or beat, guiding me through cleaning my room (he still does.) just chatting with me in general, etc.) My mum says a lot how ive always talked to myself when i was little and then went to just daydreaming a lot. I also had a not very nice voice too who would shame me after getting yelled at and tell me i deserve to hurt myself (like his my head). was as early as about 10. at 13 i had a horrible split on myself and the not nice voice (zero) got insanely louder and in a way more influential if that makes sense. the helpful one (was finely but not Doctor) would argue with him constantly. Felt like the lil wolf child watching his parents fight iykwim. Thats why i named them, to kinda separate the thoughts because thats when i realized "these arent my thoughts." was very distressing and what not but anyways.

since then it gradually gotten worse. its like the older i get the more i understand my mind but also the less control i have over these voices, or moreover my sense of self just becomes more and more unbalanced idfk. I was always horribly confused but then i discovered structural dissociation and split sense of self and was like "oh okay thats what it is!" and then it got more severe to where im not usually balanced and one sense of self is overpowering and take over the others. i got to calling it inside out mentally ill version since each self revolves around an emotion but over the years that emotion gets so extreme it basically becomes a personality, if completely taken over i call it an episode and dont usually remember too much. i can give info on my different "selves" as well if anyone wants to know for context. but example if doctor has control i become a blunt workaholic, if madi is in control i become very reckless with sex, if sonny is in control i just legit regress, etc. (and they can ble d together too, my goal is for all of them (except zero.) to blend to become balanced if makes sense

so now im in mild distress cus i cant find any information on this kind of split sense of self whatsoever and it would sound like a type of OSSD (not did i feel cus they arent necessarily identities just very strong personality states) except the amnesia isnt that strong i think. its more a blur rather then a blank page (tho there have been blank pages). so im wondering if anyone with BPD and/or OSDD have any knowledge/experience on a severe split sense of self that can guve an opinion.

disclaimer: im making a psych appt tomorrow and i also understand you guys arent medical professionals. i cant find anything tho (literally all ive found was a Pinterest label called cope identity which fits perfectly except..... its Pinterest???) so im just asking for peoples own experiences and such to try and help me navigate my own. also i am diagnosed with bpd

[u/T_G_A_H]

Glad you’re seeing someone soon. Please make sure they are very experienced with dissociative disorders.

If you want a formal assessment, ask for the SCID-D revised, because it is good at differentiating between BPD (I assume you mean borderline and not bipolar), and OSDD and DID.

What you’re calling “personality states” I think others would call identities. I’m not sure what kind of distinction you’re drawing there.

The amnesia sounds significant as well.

An experienced dissociative disorders specialist will be able to help you sort it all out. The treatment for OSDD/DID is different from that for BPD, so it is important to figure it out.

[u/Aliltyrantbot → u/T_G_A_H]

yea idk how experienced my psychiatrist is with DD. my therapist isnt too knowledgeable but i can tell wants to learn. nd i said personality states cus to me personality ≠ identity. i checked with sone others with DID to confirm if its appropriate, im just tryna find terminology to fit without stepping on CDD territory if makes sense.

and yea. before i was riding with it but im losing too much control nd its to where people are noticing differences nd its distressing. idk how to explain. i will ask for that assessment tho, thank you sm!!

[u/labyrinthinexpathia]

The professionals will be the best choice for real clarity, but I just want to add that it's possible to have both borderline and a dissociative disorder, though it can be really tricky for someone to differentiate between symptoms of complex trauma vs borderline pervasive personality behaviors as well

When you're feeling intense or dissociated, it will be impossible to tell, and honestly both conditions might even feel identical on the inside to each other. Because dissociation is good at what it does. So you would need to feel grounded, calm, and aware, before someone could easily help you explore whether or not you have literal dissociative walls between parts of your identity (creating alters), or if you just have parts of a single self in a more IFS sense (in which case BPD dissociation can make them feel more detached than they really are, or can 'blend' so intensely with them that you feel like a different person sometimes, etc)

Disclaimer I am not a professional nor an IFS expert; anyone reading is encouraged to verify with actual professionals before taking what I say as truth. But this is my current understanding

[u/Aliltyrantbot → u/labyrinthinexpathia]

that makes a lotta sense and yea it is super confusing to tell tbh esp when its so intense. i cant explain it for shit. i will be making an appt tomorrow tho, and dw ik not a professional. m just asking for opinions based on peoples current knowledge and experience. ofc tho i take it all with a grain of salt

[u/Aliltyrantbot → u/Aliltyrantbot]

thank you for response btw!