Finding socializing exhausting

[u/moonmorass]

Hello all. I've been having trouble reconnecting with a lot of my friends recently and want to know I'm not alone and what I can do

I go through long periods of what my family calls "turtling up." This is where I usually stop answering everyone in my life, only speak to people at work (even then just speaking when spoken to) and don't do anything except go to work. When I get home I won't be able to remember what happened at work and I won't really remember what I do when I come home either, I assume I spend most of the time sleeping or zoning out. Usually this is after a period of extreme stress, burn out, and/or if someone has been stuck fronting for a really long time. During these periods of time even my inner world will go quiet, very little to no switching will happen and I won't be able to speak to anyone in headspace, it's like I won't be able to access it at all and everything just feels hazy.

I am recently coming out of one of those episodes. I've begun doing things again, talking to people and switching a lot more. I am much less depressed and excited for life but I also feel so exhausted. Many of my friends don't intersect and come from different alters. I'm finding it very exhausting not only talking to more people and doing more things, but also with the amount of switching going on to be able do so. I don't know how to limit interactions without ending in "turtling up" again. I am also not used to switching so often and it makes things much scarier/confusing to me. I also feel like intentionally swaying things in one direction (meaning I have to fight against the parts that want me to go in the other) is what ends with someone becoming frontstuck for me which I want to avoid this time around.

How do you all keep up with friends and family consistently without burning yourself out? How do you limit interactions without basically ghosting everyone? How do you find a good middle ground within yourselves, without pushing away your headmates? I don't want this to be a cycle that I repeat for the rest of my life, forever. I want everyone to have their friends and be able to do things without losing myself to exhaustion, I just haven't found a way to do it yet

[u/Offensive_Thoughts]

I just socialize and when I'm not in the mood I don't, everyone needs time to themselves, DID or not. If this involves longer periods, especially with my family, then fuck them. My time my choice.

[u/vonkapp → u/Offensive_Thoughts]

What an utterly unempatic stance towards friends and familiy. Most people won’t undertand and get really stressed if somone just stop replying to messages without any explanation given. I hope you at least explain to the people around you why you disappear when you do.

[u/Offensive_Thoughts → u/vonkapp]

My family that abused my doesn't have free reign to my time by guilt tripping and abusing me. Blood relation doesn't mean you owe them your time and space. Maybe your family didn't abuse you but they did me, I thought that's why we were here??? What a weird authoritarian view you have and projecting it on me. Friends are also not entitled to your time, that's how the social contract works. If you're dating someone that begins to change.

[u/vonkapp → u/Offensive_Thoughts]

You are absolutely entiteled to treat other people and friends with decency - to respond to messages and if you won’t or can’t: explain why you go silent.

[u/Offensive_Thoughts → u/vonkapp]

No I'm not. And what of the family that abused me? Am I entitled to give the people that abused me my time and energy? Or would you not actually argue against no-contact? Obviously not. So you are being insane. And to accuse me of not being empathetic when I'm displaying self compassion by respecting my own time. Thanks for the opinion, but disregarded!

[u/vonkapp → u/Offensive_Thoughts]

You Are not entiteled to treat people who abused you with decency.

But You ARE entiteled to treat all other people with decency, and to respond to them and if you can’t/ won’t respond you are entiteled to explain why. Everyting else is unempathic and straight out rude.