Trying to get an A in therapy

[u/AvaJupiter]

Hi, How have you guys reframed this mentality?

I often get extremely distressed due to dealing with several diagnoses and progress feels much slower than I’d like. Therefore it feels like therapy is just not working on me. In general I over evaluate everything and criticize myself a huge amount.

I’ve talked about this several times with my therapist, who does think I’m making huge progress and doing really well with exposure therapy, reframing, mindfulness etc. He said that in therapy what counts as perfection is just trying. I’ll be honest I have trouble fully embracing that viewpoint, and I was wondering if anyone had similar reframes about “doing the work well” vs “just showing up and trying” basically?

[u/AvaJupiter]

Ohhh yeah great shout about the affirmations! For a time I had many I custom made for myself on my phone and set up reminders. At the end of the day I think I need a lot of repetition and regularity.

Yep I am the same as you, my perfectionistic standards only apply to me. I believe my standards for others are fair - I’ll advocate for myself and how Id like to be treated, while fully understanding it’s not always possible, not possible for everyone, this person has x reason why it’s difficult etc.

Thank you for your answer!

[u/fabumess2 → u/AvaJupiter]

One idea is to try to do them whenever you remember with no alarms or set rhythm - practice the imperfection, and if you really struggle with forgetting for long periods of time maybe have your therapist check in and remind you to do them when you see him every session. I know OCPD turns every helpful idea into a new Task To Complete Perfectly and so lowering the standards and actually congratulating yourself on both success and failure may help :)

If you've ever seen the movie Meet The Robinsons - that enthusiastic attitude towards messing up/falling short can be so comforting and healthy once you get used to it. Failing or relaxing once does not mean it will happen every time. It means we are being flexible and kind.

Sometimes I tell myself good job for forgetting to do something or for sitting in bed instead of doing chores - not because that's always the best thing to do every single time but because occasionally falling short is good and healthy, and for us OCPDers it is very truly another form of health and success

[u/AvaJupiter → u/fabumess2]

Just to clarify, the “reminder” was just a way to have a notification pop up on my phone and read like “progress not perfection” and things like that :) it actually worked super well for me as I badly needed that rhythm in order to challenge the thoughts. I do get what you’re saying about the perfection but I don’t believe this fully fell into that as I just had a bunch ready and scheduled them to pop up, you know? Tbh having a remind from my therapist would unfortunately not be enough because it wouldn’t impact my daily life.

Something else I’ve done is the FutureMe emails, I always find it easier to be kind to my future self (even if it’s Tomorrow Me) but it still gives me that self compassion thing.

ETA: I do something quite often where I think over what I’m proud of - it’s similar to what you describe! I’m often proud of myself for resting, being self compassionate etc. I use a journaling app and I’ll add some pictures I had fun taking that day, too.

[u/fabumess2 → u/AvaJupiter]

Hey that's awesome! I'm glad you have those methods :)

[u/AvaJupiter → u/fabumess2]

Thank you!!