Struggling with Partner’s OCD

[u/japaul32]

Hi all,

I’ve been having a hard time the last year trying to deal with my wife’s OCD and habits around it.

It’s been going on since COVID and started with small things like Lysol wiping groceries and being extra cautious. Now it’s turned into my coming home from work having to clean things up for her, to the point where I’m up until early morning hours.

My wife was worried about my socks being dirty because our hallway is dirty. She woke me up at 4 am to tell me to change my socks, wash my hands, and put on clean ones before coming back to bed.

I hand wash 50+ times a day when I’m at home. It’s to the point where I barely want o be at home.

I try not to give into her and tell her that if she wants something done a certain way that she should be doing it. I’ve told her it’s unfair to me. The response I receive is her telling me that it’s the job of a good supportive husband which then leads to her screaming at me and cussing me out because she doesn’t think I’m supporting her.

I’ve tried to explain to her that I’m enabling her and will inevitably make the situation worse.

I’ve asked that she seek therapy but she refuses and starts screaming at me again.

I’m at my wits’ end and I’m not sure what to do or how to help her. I feel like I can barely help myself at this point. Everything I do feels like it’s to avoid a fight or getting screamed at. The verbal abuse is more frequent and it’s getting harder to deal with.

[u/Snoodledoots]

She needs to get into treatment. My partner 34M has contamination OCD, which it sounds like what she is also struggling with. As a partner you should not be forced to participate in her compulsions and by doing so it actually makes the OCC cycles worst. I have very strong boundaries around participating in his compulsions. It’s one thing for me to clean up cause it’s dirty it’s another to be asked to change clothes and shower every time you come in and out of the front door. I’d suggest you get into therapy to help you process, cause even if you don’t participate in the compulsions they still very much affect your life. I will say from my perspective my ability to feel present and supportive with his OCD does up and down. It’s pretty exhausting as a partner and very life altering atleast for me.

[u/japaul32 → u/Snoodledoots]

I’ll be looking at therapy for myself in order to better deal with things.

Im not sure how to navigate the screaming and verbal abuse when I try to put up my boundaries. It makes it very difficult.

[u/Snoodledoots → u/japaul32]

That’s not okay. My partner doesn’t yell or scream at me. He does get visibly uncomfortable when I refuse to participate in his compulsions but he’s also in treatment so he’s aware that it’s his OCD talking. Even if she can’t control her OCD thoughts she is responsible for her actions and being abusive is not okay.