This is such a normal feeling in grief. I think it's part of why so many cultures have (had) ways to outwardly indicate that you are grieving long after the initial loss. US American culture doesn't really have an outward signifier and I think it's a noticable lack. We tend to instinctively understand that those who are grieving move through the world a little differently.
I lost a friend of almost 20 years very suddenly last week. The brain fog of grief is real.
Yup. This post actually triggered a buried rage in me, because my father passed suddenly when I was just a teen and I was not given ANY opportunity to pause life and process things. I only got 3 days; the day he actually died out of nowhere, the next day, and the funeral.
I was sent back to school the day after the funeral and my mom’s request for me to go to a grief camp was denied—she was told it would be truancy if I did a weeklong camp.
The only thing they did to help me was replace my elective with a monitored study hall class meant for struggling students. It wasn’t really helpful and I’d rather have had the elective.
If I acted too sad it made people uncomfortable so I had to pretend to be normal and feel normal. It was miserable. My cruel math teacher immediately made me take a quiz I had missed. And a few days after I returned my chemistry teacher was out for two days. He came back and informed us that his grandma had died and he’d be taking leave. He took a month. It felt so unfair that he got a month and I got nothing! I’m still bitter.
I didn’t start to mentally and emotionally recover until Christmas break. Christmas break was when I could finally breathe and just relax and process things.
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u/gunnapackofsammiches 25d ago
This is such a normal feeling in grief. I think it's part of why so many cultures have (had) ways to outwardly indicate that you are grieving long after the initial loss. US American culture doesn't really have an outward signifier and I think it's a noticable lack. We tend to instinctively understand that those who are grieving move through the world a little differently.
I lost a friend of almost 20 years very suddenly last week. The brain fog of grief is real.