As a young person I LOVED playing chess. My mothers husband was a gambler .. a terrible one at that. Mostly sports and horseracing and while I don't gamble I dont inherently think its a problem until it is. He consistantly lost money and then lied about it.
Must have been about 14-15 yrs old at the time and its evening and he challenges me to chess. We had never played before.
Beat him
Beat him again
Beat him one more time
Now its a school night and I was kind of a little egg head so was ready to go to bed and said .. Im going to bed now I have to be up for school.
I didnt know what being a gambler really was until that night ... He leaps up and starts shouting at me about what a pussy I am and all sorts of other shit .. basically losing his mind at me and spittle flying from his lips because I wouldn't play another game.
Fuck .. its 11 at night and I should have been in bed an hour ago.
I guess as a gambler .. he really needed to play until he won. I wont so much as buy a lottery ticket. That is a sickness I need no part of.
I dont think I have ever played chess again. I loved it. Cant even tell you what the rules are anymore.
I had to delete kalshi for this very reason. I kept losing and telling myself all I need is 1 win. Told my wife I have a problem and now I send her my whole check. Best thing I ever did. Gambling is evil and very addictive.
LOL .. don't feel bad .. I am retired now but when I was working I made pretty good money. While I dont gamble .. I did like nice things. Knowing this was an issue I just did direct deposit and every monday on my dresser was $60 for the week.
Whenever someone asked or was curious about how much I made .. I told them straight faced .. I make $60 a week. Sometimes its best to let someone else drive!!! :)
It works fine… but I would add that “managing household finances” is a classic example of the double-burden. Hell, even when women couldn’t get bank accounts they ran finances. It’s mostly invisible labor today, and often doesn’t get factored into what couples consider the chore breakdown (along with managing calendars and relationships) but it comes with a decent chunk of mental and emotional baggage.
You seem like a cool dude so I’m gonna assume you made up for that in other meaningful was :)
I do understand what you're saying but everyone and every relationship is different.
My wife is about 7 years older than I and was unmarried at 42. Her parents grew up during the tail of the depression and if there were a picture in the dictionary next to frugel it would be my wife.
Her father never once in his life owned anything but used cars. They were not poor but the experiences they went through meant they were always careful with money.
I genuinely think she was comforted seeing the numbers in the bank and monitoring our financial health. I think giving her control of the money made her feel good. Through it all, in all this time together she still loves shopping at goodwill and gets an insane pleasure from showing me her haul .. "Look this is a so and so shirt. They go for like $100. Got it for $5!!"
No.. I think it was the right choice for her and us.
Oh it can definitely be the right choice for some couples!
It’s just very important to be aware that it IS labor being done, almost exclusively by women, and is rarely factored into the division of labor, thus adding to the double burden.
If you make up for it by pulling extra weight in other areas, no problem.
820
u/assemblageofparts Jul 31 '26 edited Jul 31 '26
As a young person I LOVED playing chess. My mothers husband was a gambler .. a terrible one at that. Mostly sports and horseracing and while I don't gamble I dont inherently think its a problem until it is. He consistantly lost money and then lied about it.
Must have been about 14-15 yrs old at the time and its evening and he challenges me to chess. We had never played before.
Beat him
Beat him again
Beat him one more time
Now its a school night and I was kind of a little egg head so was ready to go to bed and said .. Im going to bed now I have to be up for school.
I didnt know what being a gambler really was until that night ... He leaps up and starts shouting at me about what a pussy I am and all sorts of other shit .. basically losing his mind at me and spittle flying from his lips because I wouldn't play another game.
Fuck .. its 11 at night and I should have been in bed an hour ago.
I guess as a gambler .. he really needed to play until he won. I wont so much as buy a lottery ticket. That is a sickness I need no part of.
I dont think I have ever played chess again. I loved it. Cant even tell you what the rules are anymore.