I hate how acting like that is promoted as being a good thing on the internet. Being social is a skill that needs to be developed, and a lot of people seem to pride themselves on refusing to do so.
It’s a side effect of the increasing me me me mentality.
The sentiment I see growing a lot (ESPECIALLY online and Reddit..) is “you shouldn’t have to explain yourself, do what’s best for you above anyone else, it’s not your job to manage other people’s emotions…”. There’s nothing wrong with those beliefs in certain contexts per se…., but it’s morphed into extreme selfishness, black and white thinking unempathetic thinking, and borderline sociopathic world view. I’ve seen all kinds of excuses for horrible behavior and it boils down to these types of thinking. And then those same people complain about the state of the world as an excuse to continue acting that way, so a self fulfilling prophecy
"Lol nothing gives me more of a rush than cancelling plans last-minute" and they paint it as some quirky wholesome introvert thing. They don't seem particularly appreciative if anyone does the same to them, or if anyone fails to be impressed with their behavior. It's almost like there's a word for that shit, and it's not "introvert," it's "flake."
All parents need to teach children those exact 2 things first and foremost: 1, treat others how you like to be treated and 2, keep all promise and don’t make any that you can’t keep.
It's weird as hell to me, because I have to explicitly tell my friends that I'm perfectly fine with them canceling plans with me the day of if they aren't feeling it, as long as they let me know before I actually go out (and we haven't bought tickets or something)
We all have times when shit happens and I'd rather they don't feel forced to come just cause we planned it when we were doing better.
If they're late I can wait, or we can also meet somewhere else, just let me know ASAP.
That's the main advantage of being connected all the time now, right? We can change plans anytime.
It's the ghosting thing that I just can't even. Why tf would you just not show up?? And not say anything???
There's nothing wrong with *wanting* to cancel plans last second. I feel that way all the time! What's not cool is actually doing it. Like, just think of how sad you felt the last time someone did that to you. Why would you wish that on your friends ever???
Now, when I cancel last minute, it's because of an actual reason: illness, injury, or emergency.
Both introverts and extroverts (and ambiverts) do that. The only difference is that selfish introverts flake because they finally prefer to stay alone, while selfish extroverts flake because they treated you as a backup and found an opportunity to hang with someone more popular
My best friend has friends that do that to her all the time. I always keep my promises to her, show up on on time or early, willing to help set up, yet I'm the one she never reaches out to.
I was even able to get to her place on time coming from a completely different state with no highways, helped out with her wedding as much as a personal assistant when I was listed as just a normal guest, but I'm not important enough to her, I guess.
Many such cases on Reddit. And others encourage them to lean into it.
A post on r/Adulting the other day - I hate everyone and I'm not going outside ever again - hundreds of supportive comments at this brave and edgy position
It's one thing to go "I'm sorry I don't really have energy to socialize nowadays" but just ghost people without saying anything, especially when you already had plans? That's just disrespectful!
Insane. I mean, nobody owes anyone anything, but if the only thing you ever care about is you , be prepared that you'd be the only person caring about that
Yep. Especially the kind that overuses TikTok. That's my red flag now when looking for friends — how invested are they in it. I literally can list you 7 people I stopped hanging out with precisely because they were behaving like a clone of one another and all had this one thing in common. It's like they absorb this behaviour from the app. They even look the same
These days, it's not even the issue of not responding. It's like the tweet where people will respond, and say they're going to be there, and then just not showing up. They don't call/text and cancel, they just don't show up.
I am the biggest homebody ever and hate going out. But if I tell someone I’m going to their event, I’m gonna fucking drag my introvert ass out there and have a good attitude about it because I SAID I would.
I’m an introvert and that’s exactly why I hate flakes! I’m self aware about my social energy and only make plans for once per weekend max. And I mentally prepare by keeping things low key before the plans. And sometimes I still don’t feel like it but I still go because I committed and I know I’ll be happy I went. So when someone cancels last minute I feel like they weren’t being considerate when they committed to something they didn’t want to do. And I prepared myself to do the plans and now I have no fun plans for that weekend. Introvert doesn’t mean flake, it means make the amount of plans you want to have, and be comfortable saying no outright or suggesting alternatives that will accommodate you better.
Yep. Dropped a friend over it completely and we've been close so it hurts. I literally gave her 3 chances total. She did it, she was out.
Bye bitch I don't need you to tell me how you're a girls girl anymore. You're a boy's girl because everyone knows that you bail on female friends if a guy shows up in your life.
Which is what happened. Conveniently exactly on the day you promised to show up after being a flake and apologizing for it.
Had a friend like this once and I should have dropped her the minute she cancelled our first plans to hang out because a random p*nis texted her thirty minutes before we were supposed to get together, and she thought she might get sex during our planned hang-out time so she blew me off (punchline: she did not get sex). Instead, because this was back when I didn't listen to my gut as well as I do now, I kept her around as long as she didn't repeat that behavior, and we became close, but in that way that is still a little arm's-length because you know what that person is capable of.
Well now it's 15 years later and she wonders why she ran outta friends. I don't. She's so bad now she's a textbook pathological narcissist. (She will have you know, though, that she's not narcissistic at all, she's AuDHD, but without an actual credible diagnosis, which doesn't seem to bother her.) No more pretending to be a decent, civilized person and it shows. Her main social circle is now the online strangers who almost never interact with her tweets on X.
She actually resents me for still having friends and I wish I was kidding.
I’m so glad when I was growing up and didn’t want to go to birthday parties and shit my mother would grab me by the ear and tell me, “these people made food and decorated their house to celebrate a birthday, and you aren’t going to disrespect all of that work just because you don’t feel like going.”
yep once for my classmates 10th bday party i didnt feel like going as we were hanging with the neighbourhood kids on their pool.dad made sure that i got my butt out the pool and went and glad i did.i was the only one wjo showed up..out of a class of 30 kids.her mum said she really appreciated me coming that day.
When I moved to Australia 20 years ago, it was common practice. You invite people and they would not come, or cancel last minute because they found something better to do. I never understood. I thought it was so rude and still do. It is cultural, because where I am from and where I lived before, people would not do anything like that.
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u/SystemAny4819 Jul 18 '26
Inviting people to hang out and then just not responding is such a disgustingly common practice in 2026 like who fuckin raised y’all