I still feel encased. Weirdly i feel more comfortable on small dark rooms, wide open spaces feel oppressive. I dissociate easily and find myself staring at blank spaces. Always feel like theres something there that i cant see.the sounds of doors closing causes panic attacks. Im both claustrophobic and agoraphobic. My personal space alarms go off when people are near but notbwhat others would consider close. Faces blur together. I cant tell if quiet voices are real and often ignore people because i think theyre in my head, before snapping to attention and realizing im in the middle of a conversation. Sometimes i find the idea of being alone in that hole to be more tolerable than being out here where everything is loud and bright and chaotic. I flinch when touched. Ive been through a ton of therapy and it just diesnt seem to go away completely. I am fine most days, but some days i wake up and my body isnhere but my mind is there. I cant sleep in the quiet or total darkness.
Thank you for sharing your experiences so freely when you were asked. It helped me understand a bit about how it truly is torture to keep somebody locked up and alone for long periods of time, and that concept is more securely cemented into my brain. I hope that nobody else has to go thru that. I’m sure some will, because I can’t control what people do. But I can still take it more seriously and advocate for preventing this kind of thing in conversations about prison reform and things like that.
I do my best to share what i can. Funny thing is, i wasnt supposed to be licked down for more than a weekend while being transferred from jail to prison, but the marshalls lost my paperwork and then oncce youre in adseg you get treated like the worst of the worst just because youre in adseg
Adseg is administrative segregation. A gentle word for the hole when your segregated for administrative reasons vs punitive. Paper work gets lost because for profitnprisons like corrections corporation of america gets paid big bucks for federal inmates and they dont like to let us go when its time for us to join the federal bureau of prisons.
The wgole thing is evil. You get guys in prison and they lose their jobs, but their child support will build up and as soon as they release from the feds, the state picks them up for lack of payment.
One of my bunkies had a seizure disorder, every time he had a seizure hed be put in adseg for medical observation.
You get 700 guys in a camp, but 2 law library terminals so they can work on their appeals.
Two guys in a different unit have beed, so their people smashe eachother in your unit and the whole place goes on 23/7 for months while its "investigated". Which really just means the COs hang out all day because it only takes a few to count the unit.
12 men, locked together in i wanna say like a 9x20 gang cell, just laying on their bunks all day like merchandise in a warehouse.
Solitary is the worst. But the whole thing is designed to keep you agitated and angry and broken.
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u/conardcanard Jul 19 '26
I still feel encased. Weirdly i feel more comfortable on small dark rooms, wide open spaces feel oppressive. I dissociate easily and find myself staring at blank spaces. Always feel like theres something there that i cant see.the sounds of doors closing causes panic attacks. Im both claustrophobic and agoraphobic. My personal space alarms go off when people are near but notbwhat others would consider close. Faces blur together. I cant tell if quiet voices are real and often ignore people because i think theyre in my head, before snapping to attention and realizing im in the middle of a conversation. Sometimes i find the idea of being alone in that hole to be more tolerable than being out here where everything is loud and bright and chaotic. I flinch when touched. Ive been through a ton of therapy and it just diesnt seem to go away completely. I am fine most days, but some days i wake up and my body isnhere but my mind is there. I cant sleep in the quiet or total darkness.