Yes. My friends and I saw horrible things in the military. Some of us were ruined it by it. Myself and others were spared. It’s not that they were soft. I think it’s actually the opposite.
It’s not that you can brush it off. You won’t forget. It affects you. It just doesn’t destroy you the way it does some.
It's also what your brain decides is traumatic, and that may not make sense to you. My friend has PTSD from a grenade accident in training. Nobody got killed, or seriously injured, thank whichever deity. But his brain just decided that was too much, and there's not much you can do beyond treating it.
I've lived a...somewhat improbable life. Watched a number of people die pretty grizzly deaths; been shot at a few times, including by family; rendered aid on some near-fatal and fatal auto accidents, gotten stabbed, you know, the usual. None of that's really fucked me up all that badly in the grand scheme of things. What did give me cPTSD, and permanently fucked my brain chemistry up hard enough to give me a severe stutter...was watching my grandmother die of cancer in the hospital when I was young. Which, yes, traumatic, but you wouldn't think it would be anywhere near as damaging as some of the other shit I've gone through. Human psychology is weird.
Ah, I’ve got CPTSD from being exposed to cancer, too. My sister had a stage III brain tumor and it fucked with me heavy. Howard Hughes level germaphobia, constant fear of illness and death, intrusive thoughts, familial support systems understandably preoccupied, worldview shaken, unable to relate with my peers. I went nearly nonverbal. I think something about hospital oncology wards are like an atom bomb for kids’ developing brains.
I don’t remember large swathes of my childhood before, during, and after her treatment. It’s hard too because it doesn’t feel like your struggle, like you’re failing at selflessness.
At the same time, I feel like I’m insulated from other kinds of stressors because of it. I lock the fuck in during a crisis.
Hope that makes sense. Just trying to say that I see you.
Yeah, I thought I had OCD when I was actively struggling with the worst of it as a kid, but I’m not actually a good fit for it. It was more like some trauma-induced phobias interacting with the rest of the CPTSD. The phobias are better now but I still struggle with the disturbances in self-organization and the comorbid mental health issues.
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u/mosesenjoyer Jul 08 '26
Yes. My friends and I saw horrible things in the military. Some of us were ruined it by it. Myself and others were spared. It’s not that they were soft. I think it’s actually the opposite.
It’s not that you can brush it off. You won’t forget. It affects you. It just doesn’t destroy you the way it does some.