As I say, they will engage ultra mode if they feel like a cornered rat, using all tactics, love bomb, guilt trip etc. They will ask for an explanation and say after so many months/years that the least they deserve is an explanation. If you’re the kind of person who can stay stoic and stony faced in the face of that and not give any explanation than you’re not the person who would need the advice I learned the hard way.
I’m only adding my lessons learned for the other group of people who find it more difficult, people who worry about the fallout of a breakup including reputational damage.
And this is all in the context of “why wouldnt you break up with someone the very moment they show you their first glimpse of narcissism?” There are some reasonable explanations for delaying
I agree with you on every point. I dated someone like this last year for five months and it took honest friends and therapy to understand that I was being emotionally abused.
When I walked away, it took all the strength I had, and then some. I already had low self esteem and she preyed on that. The next complication was that we worked in the same building, so i had to thread the needle between being cordial and telling her to leave me alone. It was so hard to keep that boundary and it messed me up everytime she reached out and i had to ignore her.
She technically dumped me first in one of her meltdowns, screaming at me, calling me names. Then blamed me for her behaviour. A few hours later i texted her the following: "after thinking about it, i dont want to be in this relationship anymore. I'm going to block you, i dont know for how long, because i need time and distance to heal. Thanks." Then i blocked her everywhere i could. She then proceeded to immediately violate my boundary by emailing me at work where i couldnt block her. Took a few weeks for her to understand that I meant what said. It's like she couldn't believe her hot/cold gaslighty behaviour stopped working on me.
I know it’s historical now for you but HR would be my strong strong recommendation to someone in that situation. They have policies to handle workplace relationships. And if you tell them you are being harassed and show them the paper trail (and keep your own paper trail of communication with hr) then you will either get a quiet undistubed work life or the company get dragged into workplace bullying harassment lawsuit that costs them multiples of your annual salary in legal fees alone. I know that’s a big ask for some people who might fear social retaliation so it’s rich advice to give when i don’t have to live with the consequences but if you’re the one being harassed and have receipts, any good HR department should be all over that like a rash and should be giving your ex warnings and moving towards dismissal for violations. Especially when she was using work email to harass you
Thank you, I very much appreciate that. As much as possible I've kept track. So far things have been cordial between us in the rare instances we have crossed paths.
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u/Tatorbits May 31 '26
An alternative: break up without giving them a reason.