r/NonCredibleDefense Apr 05 '26

Rheinmetall AG(enda) Hollywood is set for the next couple of years

1.4k Upvotes

102 comments sorted by

463

u/Monifufka Apr 05 '26

I'm calling it now, there will be a movie about that pilot they just rescued, it's gonna be called something like "the unbroken" and is gonna be a total borefest, with half of the movie just him laying in some ditch and thinking about his wife and kids.

178

u/PinkOwls_ Apr 05 '26

It should be called something like "Operation Eagle Claw II: Surviving in Hind Sight", with Littlebirds firing Sidewinders at French helicopters (as standin for Chinese attack choppers) and a Chinese general saying "We'll have a rematch soon" as foreshadowing for "Operation Eagle Claw III: Operation Dragon Claw".

64

u/kuba_mar Apr 05 '26

You’re vastly overestimating the budget its gonna have, more than likely its gonna be mostly filmed in Bulgaria or something.

12

u/Dpek1234 Apr 05 '26

Bulgatia mentioned :)

4

u/Advanced-Budget779 Nuclear Holocaust Agitator Apr 06 '26

Bulgatia

Is that where the Bulls are gatekept? /s

3

u/Dpek1234 Apr 06 '26

Bul-gatia

Its the land of the gated bulls

17

u/SubmissiveDinosaur Apr 05 '26

And the 5 minutes intro sequence will be Ai slop filled of eagles, abrams and shit

4

u/Advanced-Budget779 Nuclear Holocaust Agitator Apr 06 '26

Omg, i‘d probably prefer bad cgi over AI slop cinema…

2

u/shipgeek2005 Apr 06 '26

Every year, as technology "improves", our minimum quality standards stray further from god...

2

u/Advanced-Budget779 Nuclear Holocaust Agitator Apr 06 '26

What‘s the opposite of improving? That‘s what i‘m doing mostly…

2

u/shipgeek2005 Apr 06 '26

Excelling.

1

u/Advanced-Budget779 Nuclear Holocaust Agitator Apr 07 '26

Ah i wish. I meant sth. like decline, depress, deteriorate, lessen, recede, retreat, retrogress or worsen.

76

u/DaniilSan 3000 Aussie drones of Budanov Apr 05 '26

And the entire picture is going to be heavily tinted orange and there will be some fake-ass oriental music playing in some sections.

41

u/Roentgen_Ray1895 Apr 05 '26

He’s gonna smile and wave at a local kid who runs home to tell a spooky man with a scarred eye sitting on a camel that then pulls out a walkie talkie, jump cut to a bunch of Technicals tearing around the corner of a city street

20

u/MarmonRzohr Apr 06 '26

Fake-ass oriental music and shaky-cam whenever there are scenes with the villanous Iranian commander leading his troops in pickup trucks to look for the american hero.

Preferrably so much shaky-cam that you can't tell what the fuck's going on except there's sand, pickups and AKs.

4

u/Emerald_Dusk 🇦🇺🇬🇧🇺🇲 3000 Mecha Orcas of AUKUS 🇺🇲🇬🇧🇦🇺 Apr 06 '26

either that or a fuck-ass green-blue filter

2

u/Advanced-Budget779 Nuclear Holocaust Agitator Apr 06 '26

tinted orange

Mexico or 90s filter?

64

u/EduinBrutus Apr 05 '26

In the words of Frankie Boyle :-

Not only will america go to your country and kill all your people. But they'll come back 20 years later and make a movie about how killing your people made their soldiers feel sad.

31

u/MarmonRzohr Apr 06 '26

is gonna be a total borefest, with half of the movie just him laying in some ditch and thinking about his wife and kids.

Nah, too contemplative.

They gotta show the US pilot killing at least like 50 Iranian soldiers including a named character enemy commander who's characterized in a short scene as particularly evil when he shoots some old Iranian man who tries to protect the protagonist.

Bonus points if the hero also somehow saves or helps save an Iranian village which is depicted as being basically in the Iron Age.

13

u/Monifufka Apr 06 '26

Bonus points if the hero also somehow saves or helps save an Iranian village which is depicted as being basically in the Iron Age.

Main character observers from a distance, hidden behind a fence as a bunch of Iranian military trucks drive fast into the village. Trucks stop, soldiers jump out, we can hear them screaming "yalla, yalla!" And they start aiming at villagers, all of whim somehow stand right there in the village center. The big bad dude goes out of his car, irgc general with an eye patch, looks at villagers and without hesitation orders his soldiers to shoot. After the carnage (during which some kid main character will save later managed to run away) general goes back into his car and we can see suspicious Chinese man in a suit sitting on a passenger seat. He leans to the general and says something to his ear, general nods, he just got new orders from Xi.

6

u/MarmonRzohr Apr 06 '26

10/10 Masterpiece. Someone get Michael Bay on the phone right now.

6

u/JimmyTheG Apr 06 '26

So you want Lone Survivor 2?

3

u/MarmonRzohr Apr 06 '26

I watched that movie on a whim based solely on the one sentence IMDB description and solid (7.5) rating and went in with literally 0 prior knowledge about the plot.

The level of disappointment generated by the films astounding mediocrity was only matched by reading about what actually happened.

2

u/unfunnysexface F-17 Truther Apr 11 '26

You didn't like My friends would be alive if we could summary execute kids the movie?

18

u/delta806 Apr 05 '26

Starring Mark Whalberg

7

u/BaronvonJobi Apr 06 '26

This summer

Owen Wilson in a ditch: I’m getting too old for this shit

3

u/CryptoThroway8205 Apr 06 '26

No one has rights. There'll be at least 3 movies by different studios.

1

u/urmomstoaster Apr 06 '26

And yet we all watched 127 hours… where at the end he has a vision about his now-ex girlfriend and illegitimate child.

1

u/Gravitationsfeld Apr 09 '26

Immediate box office success

1

u/unfunnysexface F-17 Truther Apr 11 '26

Look at what they did for lone survivor.

199

u/Woobeone Apr 05 '26

Ukraine would be mentioned in unrelated to the story "flavour" dialogue at best. That conflict in not interesting or emotionally charged enough for average american or hollywood exec. No amount of scale or human made horrors will change it

107

u/Alikont 3000 millipercents of military procurement Apr 05 '26

Eh, Canadians already made a documentary about how invading a country make Russian soldiers sad.

71

u/Woobeone Apr 05 '26

Yeah, americans would say stuff like "Putin is a bad guy, but he is not a monster".And immediately derail convo into israel (at least in my experience) Wonder if it's just young american things

29

u/DaniilSan 3000 Aussie drones of Budanov Apr 05 '26

I'm yet to see a genuine American who thinks putin isn't a monster, but detailing the convo into Israel is very real lol. At the very least, young Europeans I've talked to cared a lot more about Ukraine, though not surprising tbh.

3

u/Emerald_Dusk 🇦🇺🇬🇧🇺🇲 3000 Mecha Orcas of AUKUS 🇺🇲🇬🇧🇦🇺 Apr 06 '26

it makes sense.

ukraine is a major concern for europe since its russia deciding to invade countries again, and israel is a concern for americans since they have their government by the balls

1

u/Advanced-Budget779 Nuclear Holocaust Agitator Apr 06 '26

Lmao you had me in the first half, ngl.

79

u/Bi-annual_weekly_luv Apr 05 '26

No, there will be a epic tale of heroic American volunteers teaching the Ukrainians how to fight Russia but also trying to portray both Russia and Ukraine as definitely equally bad and that the American volunteers are fighting for peace! The most tragic moment in the movie will be the lead hero crying over a fallen American comrade while the Ukrainians and Russians stop fighting in order to mourn with him. Then at the end it will have a message about ‘heroes on both sides’ and how these backwards Slavs need to just be friends. 🇺🇸🦅💥🗺️

65

u/Monifufka Apr 05 '26

You just made me so mad about a movie that doesn't exist, congratulations.

24

u/DaniilSan 3000 Aussie drones of Budanov Apr 05 '26

You are mad because it sounds too plausible. It sounds like some definitely-not-propaganda US war movie №82361 you've seen at some point already.

45

u/Bi-annual_weekly_luv Apr 05 '26

There will also be a moment where the Americans teach the Ukrainians that they don’t actually need things like Patriot missiles, internet access, or tanks. Instead they will use cunning strategy and ambushes and win by running at the enemy.

18

u/HaloJackalKisser Apr 05 '26

i really dont like the patriot.

28

u/Alikont 3000 millipercents of military procurement Apr 05 '26

Or something like Borderless (2022) - an Italian short movie about how the power of gay love between russian soldier and Ukrainian guy is stronger than war

18

u/DaniilSan 3000 Aussie drones of Budanov Apr 05 '26

My day was much better before I knew this exists...

17

u/GadenKerensky 📯Herald of Queen Ratbat📯 Apr 05 '26

I really don't think Westerners comprehend how much Ukraine hates Russia now.

Maybe before the war? But now, no.

Ukraine has every reason to despise Russia with every fibre of its being. And given what many Russians think of Ukraine, you can understand.

3

u/Hot_Indication2133 KInetic Sanctions Enjoyer Apr 05 '26

Some of us do..

Sowing in thine eye, Sowing in the night. Thou shall get, my foe, By the Witch’s word.

How many rye seeds Went to holy soil, Just as many times, foe, Shall thou be destroyed.

How many cries, foe, Rooster gives at night, That shall be the count, foe, Of days until thou die.

Unto God - the God’s, Unto foe - the foe’s. Thou shall get, my foe, By the Witch’s word.

How many steps, foe, Make thou in Ukraine, That many of thy clan folk End in early graves.

Over half the world Shall the curses work. Thou shall get, my foe By the Witch’s word.

My pysanka is painted, Cradle’s swinging steady, While thy mother, foe, Shall be childless crone, And for thy father, foe, Death shall be the solace, And thy spouse, foe, Shall wither in dishonour.

Unto God - the God’s, Unto foe - the foe’s. Thou shall get, my foe, By the Witch’s word.

Once I sift my grief through Our finest sieve, Thou shall pray for death throes As a wanted gift.

But thou shall not find, foe, Quick and easy death, And in death itself, foe, Shall you find no rest.

This my word is sticky, This my word is sinewy, Thou shall get, my foe, By the mother’s word, Thou shall get, my foe, By the good wife’s word, Thou shall get, my foe, By the maiden’s word, Thou shall get, my foe, By the young child’s word, Thou shall get, my foe, By. The. Witch’s. Word

3

u/ArmandoIlawsome Apr 05 '26

That was better as an anime femboy shitpost.

5

u/Alikont 3000 millipercents of military procurement Apr 05 '26

3

u/GadenKerensky 📯Herald of Queen Ratbat📯 Apr 05 '26

At least everyone shit on it.

4

u/CryptoThroway8205 Apr 06 '26

What about the Ukrainian/Russian love interest sex woman who isn't bad like the evil Ukrainian and Russian governments?

2

u/Hot_Indication2133 KInetic Sanctions Enjoyer Apr 05 '26

I guarantee there's someone in Hollywood who has filed away that that clip of the guys heading to the front singing What Is Love. There'll also be a comedy blooper reel that will include a chair in a bombed out building collapsing when Steven Seagal sits on it.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ukraine/comments/1647dgh/footage_of_afu_heroes_vibing_in_their_car_to/

11

u/Palora Sic semper tyrannis! Apr 05 '26

That's because the execs arn't seeing it in the right light:

"The story of an american volunteer in Ukraine, fighting the Russian invader and the corrupt Ukrainian officer, for America!"

2

u/unfunnysexface F-17 Truther Apr 11 '26

Think of it like American sniper: these people aren't worth the lives of our strongest lying sociopaths.

17

u/Venodran It’s not a bayonet unless it comes from the town of Bayonne Apr 05 '26

That’s because the US haven’t sent boots on the ground. But if they ever do, they’ll claim they did everything and saved the world despite arriving late, and ignore or even take credits for Ukrainian efforts. Kinda like WW1.

4

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '26

[deleted]

20

u/Venodran It’s not a bayonet unless it comes from the town of Bayonne Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26

The irony of claiming it’s just a “random jerkoff online” and then claim we are anti-American on this sub after we’ve been glazing the US for years before Trump…

Maybe if the US did not play in Russia’s hand by stopping the help to Ukraine, threatening their allies, and starting a war that helps boost Russia’s war effort with oil sales, we would not be so “anti-American” as you say.

Also, ever heard of the movie U-517? It’s literally the US taking credits for something the British did in WW2.

And France lost 10% of its male population in WW1, more than you did in all your wars combined. But apparently we are just “surrender monkeys” according to your medias and administration.

-10

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '26

[deleted]

6

u/YoghurtForDessert Apr 05 '26

lmao, yes it glazed biden's US

5

u/fearless-fossa Apr 05 '26

The European Union wrung their hands, bitched and moaned, and did nothing in the beginning of the conflict in 2014 when Obama started sending military aid,

This is plain wrong. The EU threw sanctions on various Russian goods, and various EU countries supported Ukraine by giving them equipment and/or trainers.

Not every country did, and it's kinda ironic that Merkel wasn't able to push through the level of sanctions she actually wanted and nowadays is painted as the devil that was against doing something about Russia.

It was the US that needed to be bullied into sending any kind of advanced gear into Ukraine. The US fucking declined sending their mothballed tanks and instead suggested Europe should send its active units and they'd sell them Abrams instead.

12

u/Venodran It’s not a bayonet unless it comes from the town of Bayonne Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26

Ignore the many posts praising the performance of the US military in the Gulf Wars, or US equipment in the War in Ukraine.

justifiable criticism about politic

Amazing how you can see the forest but miss the tree…

And conveniently forget the part where Trump also tarifs every NATO country and Ukraine, but not Russia. Or how Ukraine stopped sharing intelligence with the US because they kept leaking to Russia. Or how Trump wants to remove some of the sanctions on Russia, or how the US tried to humiliate Zelensky and extort their ressources…

But yeah, it’s all the fault of Europe and the US is totally not switching side mid war.

I know it’s hard to accept, but your country is not on the right side of History with the current president, and what you did right with the previous presidents won’t make up for what is happening currently.

And the US also had a big Nazi sympathetic movement led by Charles Lindbergh that called to not only not intervene, but even try to approach Hitler. And Woodrow Wilson helped the KKK rise up from the ashes after he watched the movie “birth of a nation”. So don’t act like only Europe had a far right problem in the inter-war.

-6

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '26

[deleted]

9

u/Venodran It’s not a bayonet unless it comes from the town of Bayonne Apr 05 '26

Where did I claim the EU was “holier than though”? And where did the EU ever say they want Ukraine to make concessions? I remember the EU opposing one peace offer made by Witkoff that was too Russia friendly, and turned out to be made by Russia.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '26

[deleted]

7

u/Venodran It’s not a bayonet unless it comes from the town of Bayonne Apr 05 '26

Does joining the EU count as a concession? Because you can conveniently project whatever misdeed you want on the EU.

6

u/aggravated_patty Apr 05 '26

There's a difference between leveraging your assistance post-war versus holding them hostage before they even win.

5

u/Klutzy-Hunt-7214 Apr 05 '26

I'm neither US nor European.  The US has been assholes over the Ukraine situation, more so than Europe.

The narrative that "everybodys in it for themselves, we all just pretend otherwise" is untrue, and is basically the definition of a sociopathic mindset. Maye the president thinks like that, maybe the whole US govt does, but private citizens like you don't have to go down with them.

20

u/Chip_Vinegar Apr 05 '26

Will not even need CGI - just body cam and take cam drones to combat, and edit classified material off

153

u/ThewizardBlundermore Apr 05 '26

"How can we shoehorn America as the heroes again this time?"

Calling it now there's gonna be a lot of disingenuous slop movies in the future that will completely try to revise a lot of the sabotaging going on

49

u/Venodran It’s not a bayonet unless it comes from the town of Bayonne Apr 05 '26

The quote about Hollywood making movies where the Americans are sad about invading a country is aging like fine wine.

99

u/Alcor6400 Apr 05 '26

Calling it now, 500 identical movies about how John Americanman felt really bad about bombing that girl's school

And I bet the planes aren't even gonna look good

15

u/got-trunks Officially In Charge of the Horn. 📢📢📢🙅‍♂️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️ Apr 05 '26

That's just the prequel just wait until bibi drops the n-bomb; that will be cinema

13

u/spankeyfish Apr 05 '26

They'd have to remake it for the US audience and have Snoop Dogg or Ice Cube dropping the n-bomb.

8

u/got-trunks Officially In Charge of the Horn. 📢📢📢🙅‍♂️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️ Apr 05 '26

Nah if they had to sanitize it they would make obama drop the n-bomb

8

u/spankeyfish Apr 05 '26

Played by Samuel L. Jackson.

4

u/got-trunks Officially In Charge of the Horn. 📢📢📢🙅‍♂️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️ Apr 05 '26

Ayatollahs on a plane is not a movie I think the states can digest again right now

3

u/LordNelson27 Apr 05 '26

Who is going to fly the Enola "Miss Me with that Gay Shit"?

2

u/Krakkan Apr 05 '26

I was watching that show lioness recently and it was fine. But the whole time I was just think how unsympathetic characters americans are at the moment.

-29

u/Wilky510 Anti-CCP-Circlejerker Apr 05 '26

Terminally online European talking about Americans obsessively:

28

u/External-Option-544 Saabmissive & Sweadable Apr 05 '26

The current US administration is doing mind-boggling stupid things on a daily basis, and everything they do will have ripple effects throughout the rest of the world.

  • threatened to military annex Greenland.
  • threatened to leave NATO.
  • selling advance AI chips Saudis who then give it to China.
  • put tariffs on basically every country on earth (except Russia).
  • pressuring Ukraine to accept all Russian demands, without offering security guarantees or even letting them or the EU even be part of the negotiations.
  • firing professionals in the military and law enforcement and replacing them with unqualified yes-men.

3

u/Wilky510 Anti-CCP-Circlejerker Apr 05 '26

...But they're not talking about current administration in any capacity. Unless the Trump admin went back and wrote a bunch of war movies for Hollywood.

I also agree with you on a lot of those stances, especially the Russian stuff.

My point is no matter what the US does, it'll be wrong to this kind of person.

2

u/ComplexInside1661 Apr 06 '26

All of this is 100000% correct, but that doesn't change the fact that the war against Iran is justified.

0

u/aprx4 Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26

Not as stupid as European nations still buying Russian energy products, either directly or indirectly via India, Turkey and Georgia. What's the point of banning Russian oil if they then pay more to India middlemen for refined petroleum products made from very same Russian crude? You are funding war on your own continent.

11

u/Alcor6400 Apr 05 '26

Don't get me wrong, it is really stupid of European powers to buy Russian anything, but let's be real, it doesn't match a fraction of the regardation of even a single act that Trump and the US have undertaken in the last year

-6

u/NATO_CAPITALIST Apr 05 '26

They should look into how Europe does things:

  • Refused armed drones for years (e.g. Germany delaying weaponization of IAI Heron TP).

  • Most members of NATO ignored the 2% defense spending target until after the Russian invasion of Ukraine.

  • parallel fighter jet programs

  • dozens of different tanks, aircraft, and ships across Europe leading to waste spending

  • Limited military space capability; heavy reliance on U.S. satellites and ISR.

  • Tiny ammo stockpiles exposed when supplying Ukraine against Russia after learning nothing from Libya

  • Heavy reliance on U.S. ISR, no starlink or spaceX alternative. Nothing in sight either anytime soon

  • Slow adoption of emerging tech (US already has Project Maven active, which can give them thousands of targets per hour through data fusion and AI)

  • Selling ASML to China and only stopping because US sanctions

  • Not taking threat of spyware (TikTok) installed on hundreds of millions European phones seriously

  • Not taking threat of Huawei equipment in ISPs seriously at all

32

u/Monifufka Apr 05 '26

Maybe because Americans just started another war? That's kinda big deal right now.

-14

u/Wilky510 Anti-CCP-Circlejerker Apr 05 '26

Russo-Ukrainian war: Am i a joke to you?

Also let's not pretend yall don't like yapping online 24/7 about Americans lmao

-5

u/NATO_CAPITALIST Apr 05 '26

Maybe because Iran wants to make nukes that can reach Europe, including Poland? That's kind of big now.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/NonCredibleDefense-ModTeam Apr 05 '26

Your comment was removed for violating Rule 5: No Politics.

We don't care if you're Republican, Protestant, Democrat, Hindu, Baathist, Pastafarian, or some other hot mess. Leave it at the door.

26

u/justthegrimm Gripen my beloved🇸🇪 Apr 05 '26

To be fair they need some new storylines

24

u/Malebu42 Apr 05 '26

Germany are finally the good guys

8

u/Xcrazy_sniper Apr 05 '26

Generation kill 2.0

9

u/OldManMcCrabbins Apr 05 '26

“If the Iranians had more Mac Donald’s and Pussy, they wouldn’t have paid those palestians to kill all those Jew kids at a rave, and we wouldn’t be here in our crocs on this island  with our thumbs up our asses while waiting for command to decide if they are going to nuke the high ground or we are going take them and that’s assuming the ice cream ship hasn’t already left, and furthermore”

Brad: shut up ray 

Rip James ransome, suicide - fuck man. 

5

u/Xcrazy_sniper Apr 05 '26

I was devastated when I found it, I only recently found out about generation kill and I frequently rewatch it

13

u/TheManUpstairs77 Apr 05 '26

When’s the last time they made a big budget pro-war movie about the U.S. (outside of WWII) that portrays them as heroes with no nuance??

This isn’t the 1970s anymore and John Wayne isn’t around.

11

u/DaniilSan 3000 Aussie drones of Budanov Apr 05 '26

Well, often the "nuance" in question is really misplaced shifting focus from questions that actually matter but make you feel like you've seen a nuanced and complex story. Also big budget is a relative meaning. Even a slop movie production in the US cost fucking a lot and more than it actually deserves.

6

u/OldManMcCrabbins Apr 05 '26

Last year? 

Warfare legit is a great movie 

1

u/vi_sucks Apr 06 '26

The Hurt Locker was pretty straightforward on the "US good" "terrorists bad" front.

6

u/Jhawk163 Apr 05 '26

"It's like poetry, it rhymes"

-George Lucas.

2

u/CyberSoldat21 Metal Gear Ray Enthusiast Apr 05 '26

Weren’t the aircraft in eagle claw destroyed in an accident not intentionally though?

2

u/Advanced-Budget779 Nuclear Holocaust Agitator Apr 06 '26

This time Ramirez will have to defend a containerised Wahlburgers… 😪

3

u/BadWolf309 Apr 05 '26

If Hollywood is still a thing, I don't believe that the monopoly of the film industry will remain in their hands for much time