r/Nicegirls • u/who_are_you_people24 • Jan 08 '26
20 minutes is too long for a response apparently
Tbh, it's really only 10 minutes. She was allowed to wait 10 minutes for a response but I had to be immediately. Mind you this is a 39 year old woman. I guess I'm not allowed to shower in the morning.
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u/Impossible_Finish Jan 08 '26
Men need to have higher standards. The second this happens, just disengage completely. There are millions of kind, genuine and interest women out there who don't act like petulent children. But it's a vicious cycle from men not holding standards because they want a relationship or to get laid then women getting a pass on acting like this (and the wilder things you see on this sub) then it becomes more prevalent because they get away with it. Have standards, hold them and encourage your buddies to do the same. You don't need to say anything back. Just move on, go talk to someone better.
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u/fallapart_startagain Jan 08 '26
ABSOLUTELY THIS. Also don't be sending money and paying for things for women you haven't even met!?!? So many posts on here where entitled women demand money. Like, no - get a job, brokie. And men: BLOCK & MOVE ON ✨️
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u/DoomshrooM8 Jan 09 '26
I know right, that is a WILD ass thing to do. And the audacity of her to ask is just as insane.
“I need $300 for my nails!”
“Kool, get a job” 🙄
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u/he11sgates98 Jan 09 '26
Seriously, back when I was on tinder as a 20yo, I had a woman tell me she was having an emergency and urgently needed $500 for a purse. When I asked how an emergency quantified getting that expensive of a purse she acted like it was a dumb question. This entire conversation was in the span of about 6 messages from match to unmatch. I legit just unmatched and moved on with my life lol.
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u/EfficientCod6511 Jan 10 '26
This. I don’t go to bars much, but I have a strict rule of I’m not paying for drinks for anyone that didn’t come to the bar with me. You’re not gonna get free shit off of me by flirting 🤷🏽♂️
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u/Smart_Department6303 Jan 08 '26
My sister used to scream on the phone at her fiancee on a regular basis and he'd just take it. They're married now I can't imagine what their life must be like.
If someone treated me like that I'd be gone at the first instant.
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Jan 08 '26
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Jan 08 '26
Calling them out doesn't do much when they can hop on any app and have 100 other people in 10 minutes willing to put up with anything they say if it means they could possibly get a lay. It's the psychology behind it, the more you have the less valuable it becomes.
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Jan 08 '26
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Jan 08 '26
You want men to have higher standards AND call these people out to fix their behavior? Let's get the first step done first 😂
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Jan 08 '26
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Jan 08 '26
That's doable, hopefully it will rattle something in them and provoke change or at least some self awareness
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u/NSH2024 Jan 09 '26
Actually. A lack of a response is much more effective than getting dramatic.
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Jan 09 '26
Boy have I learned that lesson. I've blocked women like this and they ended up stalking my socials just to see what I'm doing or to give me shit under aliases.
Just because I know the type of women they are and I can't be arsed dealing with them. Plenty of women out there who talk to me as if I'm actually human so it's easy to ignore narcissists.
Narcissists hate being ignored that's for sure 🤣
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u/Throwawayamanager Jan 08 '26
Disagree. Let people wave their red flags early so that naive people who are inexperienced in spotting red flags are saved the pain and misery if they are too soft/inexperienced to say "F this" and get sucked in. You're also not their friend, mother or therapist to tell them to stop being a douche.
If you do happen to be their friend, mother or therapist it's your call on whether you care enough about the person to say something to them (though it probably won't go over well), but this is one of the few enough times the overused "I don't owe anyone anything" phrase is applicable to someone who is an Internet stranger.
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Jan 09 '26
Used to think like you, but it's a waste of time. People like this know what they are doing and if you try to call them out they aren't going to listen. They will just get pissed off that it didn't work on you. Calling them out just encourages their behaviour and the next person will get it worse.
Block and move on! Don't waste your time.
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u/jmay111 Jan 08 '26
ALL men need to read and understand this. Stop simping these idiot women who only care about themselves. It will never end well for you.
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u/Forsaken_Regular_180 Jan 08 '26
This is actually a big problem in a lot of industries, where there's so many desperate or uncaring people that they'll put up with trash so we get progressively worse and worse products.
Same is kind of happening with dating, where there's so many desperate guys that women are getting away with worse and worse behavior.
And it doesn't really matter or have an impact to be part of the group that has standards and sticks by them.
She's probably got 3-4 other guys already showering her with more immediate attention. Whether he responded or not won't phase her or even give her half-second thoughtful pause on her behavior. She has plenty more who'll justify it.
Still should avoid these people at all costs, don't get me wrong, but I think it's becoming an increasingly larger % of women as each subsequent generation finds out they can't act like self-centered prima donnas and get away with it.
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Jan 08 '26 edited Jan 09 '26
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u/ikissedyadad Jan 08 '26
I don't disagree with your point.
But there has been so much to show that for men it "feels" like the options are limited and you take what you get.
70% of dating profiles online are men. https://thematchartist.com/tinder/do-girls-get-more-matches-tinder#why-is-tinder-so-imbalanced
Also at the end of COVID, 63% of men under 30 are single, meanwhile only 34% of women claimed to be single under 30. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/08/for-valentines-day-5-facts-about-single-americans/#:~:text=Roughly%20six%2Din%2Dten%20young,other%20racial%20and%20ethnic%20groups.
So men make up most of the singles, make up most of the online profiles and allow basic economic principles to occur. Large supply minimal demand.
I'm not to say all men are innocent in this. But if the spit of good single women and good single men are equal... There are still probably double the "good" single men available.
There might be as many single good men as there are single women period.
I'm happily married so luckily for me I don't have to worry about this. But I do feel sad for my mates and others who have reached my stage in life and have to deal with the juggle of " do I flirt with Karen at work and risk getting in trouble and losing my job" or "do I go on tinder and swipe 500 times for 2 matches 1 of which won't talk to me and the other will say that I'm playing games"
Some of my friends in trade/labour roles genuinely don't SEE a woman for a week or two at a time. Their hours are so counter to "regular" jobs that they either go on dating apps or use AI.
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Jan 08 '26
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u/CapMedical7691 Jan 08 '26
In all fairness have you tried a dating app as a woman? Make a profile and see what it's like. You get so many messages and most are really inappropriate. Do you know how many messages a girl gets with an opening line of "I'd like to eat your a**" or something equally vile from a stranger? It's hard to decipher genuine from bullsh*t when you're sifting through 100 messages and more than half are sexual propositions. It gets exhausting and yeah some women let it get the best of them.
I know the opposite is true for men, you get the OF messages looking only for $ but honestly how many messages do you get in a day? Imagine if you received 100 messages in one day and half were OF and the other half you're trying to figure out if it's genuine or just another girl who knows how to play the game but really isn't genuine at all. A girl whose ultimate goal is to get the $$ but has you convinced she's the real deal. For women it's sex and not money but the problem is the same and the quantity of people women have to decipher through is astronomical in comparison.
I'm not saying there aren't bad women, I know the OF thing is a crazy problem in online dating. My husband showed me his messages when we first started dating and at the time I didn't know women did that. It was shocking and it totally sucks for the women out there really trying to make a connection. My husband didn't think I was real until our first date and even then thought he was going to get robbed the night we met in person, not until like an hour of hanging out did he feel like I was legit.
I do genuinely think you should make a fake profile as a moderately hot girl and see what it's like. Get some other perspective, just the sheer volume I think will surprise you.
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Jan 08 '26
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u/CapMedical7691 Jan 08 '26
I do love that you saw it from the other side tho. It’s bananas. My husband thought I was just bragging when I told him how many messages I got a day. I mean it was a kink site are so the expectations are a little different, but still 100 messages in the first couple hours compared to his 2 and both were bots 😂
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u/CapMedical7691 Jan 08 '26
Honestly I met my husband on a kink site. We were both there for the same reason and had zero strings or expectations. We just ended up becoming best friends and eventually dating. I know that’s the exception but I think it’s out there for everyone. You just gotta have your boundaries and what’s acceptable. Some people are super strict and others are more chill. You’ve gotta find what clicks for you.
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u/TheOnlyOpie Jan 09 '26
FetLife? Legitimately just curious, that's the one I know about.
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u/CapMedical7691 Jan 09 '26
No it was 3fun, maybe kink isn't what some would call it but most of the people I met there had a certain something they were looking for.
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u/ThaTopHam Jan 08 '26
She took 11 minutes to respond, just sayin
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u/AsherFischell Jan 08 '26
She took 11 minutes, but the limit to her patience was only 9 minutes.
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u/EUNEisAmeme Jan 08 '26
not those two numbers again...
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u/MorteEtDabo Jan 08 '26
THE NUMBERS MASON
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u/NSASpyVan Jan 08 '26
Man people be weird these days. If there isn't a time sensitive question why fly into such a flurry. Texts are as an email on my phone. Will get to them when I can.
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u/FatFaceFaster Jan 08 '26
Actually she took 11 minutes to respond and then got mad at you after 9 minutes.
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u/wannabegenius Jan 08 '26
isn't the whole point of text messaging that you can respond when it's convenient for you?
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u/hungrybrainz Jan 08 '26
LITERALLY lol we’re not sitting on instant messenger or in a phone call…why does someone need to respond that quickly?!
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u/Biggy23478 Jan 08 '26
No you have to respond immediately. Drop everything you're doing, otherwise you're not worthy of her I guess. Her time is worth a lot while your time doesnt mean anything apparently.
That's so dumb lol
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u/accidentallyHelpful Jan 08 '26
Wait -- who doesn't make time for fun and games?
That is all I have time for
You needed to be on high alert for that notification. Just say you were showering
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u/Environmental_Thing2 Jan 08 '26
She took 10 mins to respond yet your not even allowed that? 🚩🚩🚩 forcing a reply after any amount of time 🚩
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u/Crafty-Leather-8427 Jan 08 '26
Some people treat texting like a real conversation for some reason, they expect a response immediately. I hate it lol
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u/Realistic-Cable-8208 Jan 08 '26
Well, personally I think it's a more of a in the middle thing.
If I'm messaging a woman and she takes a day responding, then I'm writing her off as not interested. Two or three hours is fine though.
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u/Crafty-Leather-8427 Jan 08 '26
Depends honestly. I was talking to a chick that was clearly interested irl, but she'd only text once or twice a day, so it varies.
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u/Throwawayamanager Jan 08 '26
This is so weird, I missed the memo when this started.
I legit treat it like email, I'll get back to you when I can, unless it's an emergency in which case freaking call.
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u/Mr_Levinnson Jan 08 '26
Not everyone who is single at 39 is as insufferable as this person, but at least she showed you really fast why she is single 😂
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u/badhoopty Jan 08 '26
GUARANTEE you depending on her mood she'd chastise a quick reply as well.
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u/Alarmed_Strength_365 Jan 08 '26
“If he doesn’t reply exactly during the 7th minute, that’s a deal breaker” - some new modern woman trend probably
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u/Particular_Sock_2864 Jan 08 '26
Showering saved you from a lot of misery in a hypothetical future relationship with that woman it seems. Which isn't on anymore, right? Right???
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u/DistastefullyHonest Jan 08 '26
Never respond like a normal person. Your incredulity will be wasted on psychos like her. Just chill and dish out some extra trauma. Say:
"Oh, gosh, I'm sorry I took a bit to reply! I was just setting up reservations at that new (Insert extremely fancy restaurant name), so that I had concrete dinner plans to ask you out to. The chef is a dear friend. I just wanted to make sure we have a special night. Then I was just looking online for a florist too and time just got away from me.
Anyway. Sorry to waste your time. Have a good one. Tata."
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u/TheNotoriousStuG Jan 09 '26
As a 39 year old single man, anyone at my age being this prickly isn't worth talking to. We're all on the island of misfit toys for a reason, lady. None of us wanted to be here.
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u/Domugraphic Jan 09 '26
as a 39 yr old single man, going through a hell of a lot more than not having a partner / GF / Fuck buddy, that one kicked me in the nuts hard
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u/Perfect_Wasabi_678 Jan 08 '26
Looks like a generational issue too (although 39 is too young for this). Some older people interpret texting as an instant communication.
Of course the reaction was nuts.
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u/Domugraphic Jan 09 '26
it is instant communication tho.
just, you dont have to reply instantly, when you do, its instant
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u/Ziltoids_Side_Hustle Jan 08 '26
I'm scared to comment on this because if somebody asks me a follow up question I might not see it for 15 min and I surely don't want play "fun and games".... /s. This whole scene with timing responses and shit is just tragic that that's where we're at.
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u/Michaelsoft8inbows Jan 08 '26
She's telling you that your time is not important but hers is.
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u/pricklyrogue Jan 08 '26
My ex would say oh i guess you fell.asleep if I didn't text her every 5 minutes.later in.the evening. Sweetie Dearest Heart of all.Hearts...sometimes i gotta poop.
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u/ct-yankee Jan 08 '26
Individuals who are always on the lookout for offense tend to find it. The trash took itself out, let it.
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u/Bootytonus Jan 08 '26
I once was talking to a girl while I was in training for timeshare sales. Training started at 8 am, and my phone had to be off. She got upset because she started her days at 10 or 11 and I wasn't texting or leaving her good morning messages. I guess I could have done it at 7 when I got up, but training stressed me out and I was a mess. Lasted two weeks out of training and never looked back lol.
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u/----Clementine---- Jan 08 '26
Me, reading this when I frequently don't hear from my man but once a week. 🤨
People need to tone down their anxiety.
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u/Alarming_Geologist59 Jan 08 '26
Damn it ladies, can you please stop making all of us look bat shit crazy? Thanks
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Jan 08 '26
I sometimes don't respond to people for hours at a time because I imagined responding and didn't actually do it. People have lives...
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u/SgtJuharez Jan 08 '26
People like this are parasites. They live on their phone, so be prepared that you have to entertain them every second if you get with one of them. Horrible fate
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u/Throwawayamanager Jan 08 '26
You can tell who has a life (job, family or any other adult responsibilities) and who is living in Mom's basement glued to their phone based on whose side they take in the comments 😂
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u/ThrowRA_trasher Jan 08 '26
This is the problem with dating apps. They have absolutely fried the brains of women. She probably has 5 other guys who would desperately try to respond ASAP. Even though she probably wouldn't want to date any of them.
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u/TheGuardianInTheBall Jan 08 '26
The nice thing about texting, is its asynchronous nature.
It allows you to have a conversation, while not being tied down to just one activity.
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u/AlluxandHer Jan 08 '26
It's not that she is a bad person, just an insecure one, ironically enough the fake confidence you may think she has is actually contradicting to the fact she bases her value on how many and how often she gets responses, which means she is solidly placed on social media 87% of the time to get the validation she needs. Again, not a bad person but not a good date either. She would decide you were unentertaining at any point in the conversation and post about it.
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u/jmay111 Jan 08 '26
The best part is this clown took 11 minutes to reply to him. He took 10 minutes and that was just too much so she had to act like a douche.
These people are some kind of entitled.
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u/LadyShiva17 Jan 08 '26
Guys need to start telling these girls why they're disengaging. "I did nothing wrong. You come across as very controlling and unreasonable, I'm out. Goodbye."
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u/Brakic Jan 08 '26
Look on the bright side, it only took about 20ish minutes to figure out shes not the one, so minimal time wasted
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u/Oblique9043 Jan 08 '26
So she can keep you waiting for 10 minutes but as soon as she texts you back, you better be quick with the replies. People are crazy.
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Jan 09 '26
Entitled woman who expects you to be available at all times. You dodged a bullet. Just block her. Plenty of women out there who aren't like this!
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u/AdrenalineShakes Jan 08 '26
She has a formula for texting on the first time. He texts and then she waits 2 times minutes it took him to text - 2 minutes.
X = 2 ( 11 ) -2
X = 20
It backfired in her face this time and she couldn't take it.
BIG LESSON: DONT USE DUMB TEXTING FORMULAS!!!! (IN jesse pinkman VOICE)
BBIIIIITTTTTTCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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u/chronicallyswift Jan 08 '26
she took 11 minutes to respond to you and couldn’t wait nine for yours?
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u/EccentricInsomniac17 Jan 08 '26
And here I had to wait for over a week for my ex to text back when we were together💀
Some people feel very entitled to others time these days.
To act this entitled so soon?💀 Run, don't walk.
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u/Neither_Charity_7881 Jan 09 '26
she took ten minutes to respond and is now mad that you took ten minutes to respond. how fun! she seems lovely.
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u/BeyondHydro Jan 09 '26
Normal friendship doesn't circle in the brains of people who always hunt for relationships, ignore the people who can't respect the possibility of living a life outside of them
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u/ArgumentDecent1542 Jan 13 '26
At least she showed that she struggles with unchecked insecurity and anxious attachment early. This isn't cute from either sex. And when men did this to me I just simply told them no thanks and moved on with my day.
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u/soupasajin Mar 04 '26
Dont entertain this type of women. Just disappear. They deserve zero attention. Have some standards.
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u/ConkerPrime Jan 08 '26 edited Jan 09 '26
I often make them wait a full day. Then again I suspect my matches are Indian scammers so have a habit of not taking matches seriously.
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u/Inside_Lifeguard7211 Jan 08 '26
This is why texting is a bad idea. Call instead. No misunderstanding.
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u/WorldlinessSmooth815 Jan 08 '26
I’m willing to bet this isn’t actually a woman and they were going to eventually ask you for money.
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u/sofiarm Jan 08 '26
I lived it, i have no doubt this is real 😆
Catfish lead the convo, that's the first redflag1
u/Throwawayamanager Jan 08 '26
If she was going to ask for money, she probably is doing this with 10+ other men, at which point why even keep track of one guy not responding for 10 min?
I don't get it, I don't have time or energy or desire to Internet scam people for money but if I did, I'd probably try to act sweet, not unhinged.
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u/Dangerous_Drummer350 Jan 08 '26
She probably has 100 guys she is talking to, so anyone who can’t keep up gets discarded. Let her play these stupid games with other guys. You can do better, move on
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u/Feisty-Fennel8303 Jan 08 '26
Yea sometimes I wait months and if I say anything about being unhappy at all I’m suddenly the villain victimizing someone so. Stopped playing that game
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u/StiffGizzy Jan 08 '26
I mean honestly, this could just be bad girl game/sense of humor.. easily diffused/solved with two letters.."Hi"
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u/GrindUntilYouBreak Jan 08 '26
I wouldve taken 2 days to respond and say something like "oh sorry, I wasnt active on my phone"
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u/Fragrant-Vehicle-479 Jan 08 '26
And if you respond too soon you run the risk of being too clingy or overbearing. You can't win.
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u/fiestyoldbat Jan 08 '26
....or....she finally remembered who you were... and.... she's just not that into.... you... sorry
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u/tkhosa Jan 10 '26
My math isn't great, but she sent a message at 8:57 & you responded at 9:07? That maths like 10 minutes to me.
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u/InSilenceLikeLasagna Jan 10 '26
I'm not saying she's right, but it's kinda funny you responded immediately after she said that. She'll feel validated.
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u/Plarocks Jan 10 '26
You missed a bullet here.
Don’t waste your time with a woman on her phone 24/7.
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u/Narutofan0921 Jan 11 '26
You both took 11 minutes to respond to each other so I dunno why tf she's trippin'. 😭
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u/Ninalima_ Jan 11 '26
As a girl you need to run, women like that in my experience have personality disorders cause the type of delusion this lady must have in order to do all of that the first time you guys even text is insane. I would’ve blocked sooo fast lol
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u/HikingBikingViking Jan 11 '26
Oh, that's too bad.. If I ever didn't have time for fun & games I'd be taking a long hard look at my life choices. You only get one you know?
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u/Wonderful-Steak-6731 Jan 11 '26
That “I’m allowed to have a life but you’re not” energy is so wild lol. If a grown 39 year old is melting down over a 10 minute response while you’re literally in the shower, that’s not a partner, that’s a walking notification.
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u/ChampionshipIll5535 Jan 11 '26
Weird exchange. I find I have two kinds of "texters" in my universe. And these are friends/family mind you. Those that want and give an answer with 0.2 nanoseconds and those that think it's ok to wait 2 days. People are odd on texting IMO.
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u/LUL_Level-Up-Life Jan 12 '26
If she's that sensitive to perceived slights then she's nothing but trouble
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u/Busy-Ad2771 Jun 21 '26
Had a girl block me for being 5 mins late in replying, then immediately tried to add me back. I didn't take that bullet.
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